


Should’ve known better

by RiderForEver17



Series: Knowing Better [1]
Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alex tries to move on with his life, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, He isn’t quite able to, K-Unit is important, M/M, Post Scorpia Rising, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Ben, Psychological Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:01:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 33
Words: 71,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25039681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiderForEver17/pseuds/RiderForEver17
Summary: Two years after SR, Alex is living with his new guardian Fox and leading a life as normal as it gets after everything that's happened to him. No longer working for MI6, he thinks he's safe enough to make plans for the future. He should've known better. With his luck, everything's bound to come crashing down in a way that may leave him broken for good. Will Ben be able to save him?
Series: Knowing Better [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1813444
Comments: 13
Kudos: 54





	1. Winning season

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome! I’ve been writing stories for a while now but it’s the first time I’m venturing out to post anything on Ao3. If you recognize my pen name it’s because you’ve probably already seen it in FF. In fact, this work can already be found on that platform under the same tittle.  
> This work is the first part of a series called “Knowing Better” and although I’ll totally respect the work already published on FF, I’ll take this opportunity to do some minor editing (nothing plot related!), just fixing a few typos and maybe the phrasing of some words.  
> Even though the work is already finished, I’ll break it down by chapters so the length of the work isn’t overwhelming in one go. I guess the rate of posting depends on how long it takes me to edit each chapter which shouldn’t be long at all.  
> I’ll mention some other things at the end notes.  
> If you’re reading this work for the first time: welcome to a rollercoaster of angst, bromance and danger.  
> If you already have: it’s always a great opportunity to revisit the beginning of the series :)  
> I hope you enjoy!

Alex was running through the field like his life depended on it. He danced around his opponents while making sure to keep an eye out for his teammates in case he needed to get rid of the ball by making a pass to Tom or any of the other players. He was incredibly agile on his feet and that had made him the perfect candidate to act as a forward player.

His school was currently playing the finals of the annual championship against their long-life rivals and they were stuck at a tie. The official time of the game was almost up, and if they didn't manage to score, they would need to play an extra set.

Alex was tired, of course, they all were, but their spirits hadn't been broken yet. They could win this; they would win this! He was getting closer to the other team's goalie and he was getting ready to shoot with a powerful kick when suddenly he felt pain shoot up his leg and before he could realize what had happened, he went flying forward, hitting the ground with a painful thud and rolling over several feet until he came to an abrupt stop. The referee blew the whistle and immediately approached the downed player, reaching into his pocket and taking out a red card that he flashed towards the one who had committed the foul.

"Alex! You okay?" Tom asked when he was able to catch up to him and crouch down, the rest of his team joined him too. The blond teenager was breathing heavily on the grass, making sure he wasn't actually all that hurt before responding.

"Yeah, I'm okay" he grunted when Tom helped him up and balanced himself on one foot while he tested the other one. His ankle protested the weight of his body but after a few tries, he was able to walk again without much discomfort.

"You okay kid?" the referee asked and then handed him the ball when he nodded. He had fallen inside the area and now he got to shoot a penalty thanks to it. All his friends were encouraging him to take the shot and were grinning widely at him. If he could score now, when there was barely two minutes left on the clock, they could win the game once and for all.

The referee sent everyone away and Alex was left alone at the penalty mark to get ready to shoot. He looked up at the goalie jumping around and trying to decide which way Alex would direct the ball. He smiled. One of his signatures as a player was the ability to always send the goalie the opposite way of where he was actually shooting. Tom had said on several occasions that his time as a spy had provided him with the perfect poker face to misguide the other guy and, even though he knew many more players were able to do just that, he couldn't help but agree with his friend at least a bit.

Once he had taken several steps away from the ball to gain momentum a heavy silence settled on the crowd of supporting students and family members that had come to watch the last game of the season and that's how Alex was able to hear a shout that came all the way from the front row.

"You've got this Alex!" the blond smirked and glanced up to find Ben cheering him on. He never missed a game, if he wasn't away on a mission of course, and he definitely wouldn't have missed the final for anything in the world.

He focused on the other teenager in front of him and got ready to end this. With his body language and his eyes, he tricked the goalie into believing he would shoot right, changing directions at the last possible second and sending the ball left. The goalie moved, falling for Alex’s trick and diving in the opposite direction of the shot. The ball went straight to the goal.

Screaming erupted all around the field and Alex found himself tackled a second time, this time by his friends, although he did manage to not fall face first to the ground.

Soon after that, the referee blew the final whistle of the game and people came running from every direction to celebrate. They had won! Alex and Tom embraced and laughed. He felt pats on the shoulders from his other teammates and some of his friends from school that had come to watch the game as well.

From the middle of the crowd of proud parents and excited teenagers, Alex spotted Ben trying to make his way between a bunch of running adolescents that had begun to give chase to each other, and the moment he reached him and Tom, Ben pulled him in for a hug, clapping his back a couple of times before Ben released him and did the same with Tom.

"Congratulations!" Ben roared over the hectic sounds around them and the music from the band blaring at a high volume "Your first winning season. How does it feel?" it was true, it was the first time their school had managed to get into the finals, much less win one.

"This is bloody awesome!" Tom answered excitedly "And Alex got the winning shot! It was almost magical, honestly" Alex laughed at that.

"Don't know what's so magical about getting kicked into the ground, _hard_ " his statement was accompanied by a hand going to his ribs because now that the adrenalin from the game was fading, he could feel a slight ache over the area. Ben, of course, didn't miss this.

"Did you hurt?" he asked concerned.

"Nothing serious" Alex said, quick to stall the movement of his hand because he wanted to avoid Ben getting too worried about him. That would mean the older man, almost 25 years old, wouldn't stop pestering him about getting checked out by a doctor or something; he was that intense whenever Alex got hurt. Internally, he couldn't deny he appreciated the concern but it sometimes just got to be too much, and he still hadn't gotten used to someone actually caring about him in an honest non-interested kind of way. Even after two years living with the man, Alex still had trouble opening up to him, or anyone for that matter. Not the way he used to open up to Jack…

He shook his head to avert that train of thought. He couldn't afford to think of her right now, here, in the middle of the soccer field surrounded by all these people. Her memory still brought stabs of pain to his heart and left him panting from an accelerated heart. The anniversary of her death had been a week ago. It had been hard. He had broken down in the worst possible way and just thinking about the way Ben had had to carry him from the living room to his room was enough to embarrass him for the following week every time Ben spoke to him.

Somehow disturbingly atuned to his mood swings, Ben was quick to interrupt his inner turmoil.

"As promised, today we're eating out. Care to join us Tom?" Ben asked. He’d promised Alex that if their team won the game, they could go out to eat and celebrate in style.

His friend accepted the invitation and Alex was glad he’d have enough company that night to distract him, so after saying goodbye to the rest of the team, the tree of them began their way to an Indian restaurant Ben and Alex liked to go to on special occasions.

While they were eating and laughing at Tom's antics, Alex couldn't help but wonder when had he started to feel happy with his new life. He remembered the first few months after coming back from Egypt being incredibly awkward and riddled with nightmares and night terrors from which he would wake up screaming. He honestly thought the torment would never end. But then the nightmares weren't so frequentanymore and he began to go out with his friends more. He’d managed to salvage the previous school year and was about to finish this one with a spotless record of attendance; he never again missed school, not even when seriously ill, which were the only days Ben actively encouraged him to stay home. He’d even gotten his grades up and dedicated a lot of time to the soccer team. Between practice and matches, he barely had any time left to focus on the bad days.

He was getting along with Ben better. Great actually. And although he didn't mind spending a week or two by himself whenever the older man had to leave on a mission, recently he’d found himself missing the company at dinner. It was all very strange, how a man he’d barely known for more than two years had become such an important part of his life now, and he would be forever grateful to him for taking him in when he was at his worst. For helping him find balance again.

Overall, Alex was content with his current situation and was beginning to think about his future more seriously. Talks about sportsscholarships happened regularily now, as well as topics related to what he’d like to study once he got into college. He hadn't had time to think about it before since, for a moment there, he hadn’t even been sure he’d live to graduate high school, much less get into college, not when every mission MI6 sent him to ended up being worse than the last. And yet, there he was, making plans.

He should've known better. He should’ve remembered he had the luck of the devil and that the red horned creature would never agree with him having a normal life after all.

It would be a couple of weeks later, when the school year had come to an end, that his world would come crashing down again. And then it only took a week after that for him to finally break down in a way he wasn’t sure he could ever recover from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes
> 
> A few things you should know:  
> \- My first language isn’t english, though I try my best not to let it show too much.  
> \- Even though I’m editing this to get rid of my typos, I tend to make A LOT of them, so expect a few to slip through me.  
> \- Constructive criticism is always welcomed and appreciated.  
> \- My writing tends to be explicit and the topics I delve into are sometimes hard to digest. This work is tagged under violence, rape and underage, so BE WARNED!  
> \- I’ve never gotten a kudos before, so feel free to drop them if only so I can learn how it feels :)  
> \- Last, but not least, I’ve spent years writing this series, so I promise the writing and general plot development gets better. All I’m asking is for you to give it a chance.
> 
> That being said, if you have comments or questions, feel free to comment or contact me directly.  
> I hope you like this story!


	2. Where’s Jack?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter actually did require some editing since I realized there were mixed PoVs in it. That’s one of the major things I’ll have to work through while editing this work.  
> For those of you who know the story, don’t worry, no major changes to the plot happen.

**One week earlier**

_Ben heard the first whimper while he walked towards the kitchen to start making dinner. He glanced_ _ at _ _the_ _ couch _ _where Alex had been taking a nap for the last hour or so._

_It wasn't common for the teen to take naps on the afternoon, especially when night was almost upon them_ _._ _B_ _ut, Ben thought,_ _Alex ha_ _d been acting strange that day. Maybe he was coming down with_ _something_ _._

_It was Saturday, so_ _ the blond _ _h_ _ ad _ _gotten up late, almost reaching lunch time_ _ , _ _and then had just sat_ _ there _ _to watch some TV. Whenever Ben had tried to start a conversation,_ _ the only response he’d gotten were short and uninterested replies. Ben hadn’t wanted _ _to show much concern at the odd behavior_ _ though _ _; he figured if Alex was, in fact, feeling ill, then he just needed to sleep it off._

_But now that a second whimper, this time louder, reached his ears, Ben dropped the things he_ _ ’ _ _d gotten out of the fridge and came closer to the boy. Alex lay on his side, curled in a tight ball with his face scrunched up and sweaty; his breathing was agitated, as if he had been running for miles. Ben reached down to put a hand_ _ on _ _the teen's forehead; maybe he had broken a fever, but his temperature was normal. At least as normal as the millisecond touch allowed him to measure since the moment his hand came into contact with his skin, Alex flinched unconsciously and scooted further into the couch._

_"No… no!" Alex exclaimed, still asleep, and Ben_ _ instantly _ _knew_ _. H _ _e was having a nightmare. It had been_ _ a _ _few months since the last time Alex had been bothered by one, and he couldn't help but glance down at his ward with some sympathy in his eyes. Oh, what he would_ _ n’t _ _give to ease some of the torment the boy had lived through in his life. Making up his mind, he decided to wake him up before the nightmare got any worse._

_"Cub" he called softly, not wanting to alarm him "_ _ W _ _ake up buddy", another_ _ loud cry _ _followed by some unintelligible mumbling had Ben kneeling down on the floor and placing a hand on Alex's shoulder, gripping it firmly when the boy flinched again._

_"Stop! Please!" now the words came out clearly and Ben didn't even want to know what exactly the nightmare was about "_ _ N _ _ot her, please!"_

_"Alex, come on, wake up" he insisted, shaking the shoulder and trying to bring Alex back from wherever his subconscious had taken him. Alex suddenly jerked, gasped and then shot up forward, getting so unexpectedly into a sitting position that Ben almost lost his balance_ _ and fell _ _. Alex's eyes were wild, going through the room as if he was searching for something. Ben was quick to reassure him that they were alone and he was safe._

_"Where's Jack?" the teen asked, his eyes still widely searching the room, as if he expected to see her coming into the living room at any time. Ben was confused for a moment. Alex had never asked for her before, he had never woken up from a nightmare so disoriented that he actually called for her since he knew she would never respond._

_"Alex, calm down. Breathe"_

_"No, I have to… I need to save her. Where's Jack?" He asked again, this time regarding Ben with an intense and kind of glazed over stare. The older man was worried about his confused state, and he dreaded the moment he had to break the illusion._

_"She's gone buddy. I'm sorry" the reaction was immediate. Tears_ _ pooled _ _in his young eyes and his breathing picked up its pace. Alex_ _ seemed to be waking up enough to remember what happened, and the pain of the memories was visible on the way his face crumbled. _

_"No… no no no" he whispered and reached to place a hand at his chest, as if he was trying to reach his aching heart._

_"I'm so sorry, Cub. You were having a nightmare" Ben wasn't exactly sure how to proceed now. He had only seen Alex cry once, the first night_ _ the teen had _ _spent_ _ at _ _his house; he_ _ ’ _ _d always been very careful about showing his emotions, at least the ones that made him feel vulnerable, so this was kind of uncharted territory for Ben "_ _ H _ _ey, do you want to_ _ — _ _?"_

_"I want her!" Alex interrupted,_ _ a few tears escaping his precarious control. _

_"I know buddy" Ben tried to be understanding, but apparently the teen was having none of that._

_"You don't know anything! I want her to come back. I… I don't…" he was choking on his words now, tears running freely down his cheeks "I killed her. God, I killed her" he stated before he began to sob, heartbroken. Ben stood up from the floor and sat down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulder._

_"Oh, kid, you didn't kill her. Don't talk like that"_

_"Yes, I did. If we hadn't gone to Egypt, if I had just said no, then… she… she wouldn't…" he growled in frustration and fisted his hand on his hair, pulling on it_ _ as _ _if the slight pain could somehow override the ache in his heart._

_"There's no way you could've known" Ben said, but the statement only managed to anger the kid and make him jump to his feet._

_"Of course I should've known!" he all but yelled "I let myself get dragged time and again to those bloody missions! It's nothing dangerous Alex" he said, imitating Blunt's tone of voice "_ _ Y _ _ou_ _ ’ _ _re the perfect choice. It's so convenient. And I fell for it again, and again, and again!" he was getting worked up now, pacing in front of the couch and looking very much like he wanted to punch something, or someone. Eventually he decided the lamp sitting on the table near the couch could use a trip to the floor. At the sudden violence, Ben got up from his sitting position._

_"Come on Alex, calm down. No need to be trashing things"_

_"I don't want to calm down! I don't want to be here! I want to go home with her!"_

_ On some level, Ben was relieved Alex was expressing the feelings he was sure the teen forced himself to keep locked inside. For a kid his age, he shouldn’t have to be so reserved, so controlled. That didn’t mean his chest didn’t tug at the sight of the distressed teen. _

_ When Alex decided to kick the small table the lamp had been previously on, Ben got ready to intervene. The blond kept on talking though.  _ _"Why did he have to kill her? Why?" he asked directly at_ _ him _ _, as if he could give him all the answers he so desperately wanted "I begged him to kill me instead, to let her go"_

_"I don't know Cub"_

_"Don't call me that!" Alex yelled and Ben was taken aback by_ _ the sheer hatred in those words _ _. Alex had never complained about him using his old nickname before. It was kind of an inside joke_ _. In fact,  _ _Ben almost always called him by it when they were alone. It had become habit._

_"I thought you didn't mind me calling you that" he said, afraid he_ _ ’ _ _d used the name way too many times over the past year. Alex didn't respond, instead kept pacing and trying to vent up as much anger as he could by staring at the floor_ _. But he wasn’t suceeding.  _

_ Ben flinched when Alex reacted so violently he drove a fist into the wall with a frustrated growl. Ben could only imagine how the blond must have been feeling. They had both thought the pain had gotten better, easier to bear, but tonight was a clear demosntration of how long the teen still had to go. _

He would’ve liked to let Alex vent up all the anger he had inside, if only to lessen the burden of his feelings, but when he saw the blond getting ready to hit the wall a second time, he knew he had to intervene.

_"Hey!" Ben protested, stepping towards the teen and grabbing his hand before he could hit the wall_ _ again  _ _"_ _ S _ _top it, you're gonna hurt yourself!"_ _ if one thing was clear, it was he’d _ _never seen Alex lose control like this before_ _ , and the notion worried him. _

_"Let go of me!" the younger one argued, trying to yank his arm free._

_"No" Ben said firmly_ _._ _If there was_ _one thing he would not_ _allow, it_ _was Alex hurting himself like this._

 _"Leave me alone!"_ _the blond_ _yelled,_ _shoving at Ben’s_ _chest, but the man's hold was strong, and he didn't let go "_ _L_ _eave me the hell alone!" he yelled again, now working furiously at punching_ _Ben, who_ _took on the onslaught without a word, until he felt the teen lose_ _all_ _his energy_ _, making_ _the punche_ _s_ _die_ _down to mere light shoves once he understood that Ben wasn't going to let go._

_"I'm not leaving you Alex" Ben stated. He wasn't a man of many words, but when he meant something, he was able to convey his message through the intensity in his eyes "_ _ Y _ _ou can hit me all you want if it makes you feel better but I'm not letting you go"_

_ Then  _ _Alex let out a sob, fresh tears making a_ _ rea _ _ppearance in his face._ _ His voice cracked at a mere whisper. _

_"I want her to come bac_ _ k _ _" he_ _ said _ _, having no more energy to push the other man back and instead welcoming the comforting arms that enveloped him into a hug that prevented him from falling to the ground once his knees started to buckle. He was crying now, clinging to B_ _ en _ _like a lifeline and_ _ the older man could see _ _all his pain and grief show_ _ ing _ _in this moment of weakness._

_"Shh, shh… It's okay now. Le_ _ t _ _it out" Ben prompted and then lost count of the minutes they stayed like that. Alex ended up exhausted after the whole ordeal and Ben had to pick him up and carry him into his room. He guessed he wouldn't be having dinner that night and_ _ , i _ _f he was honest with himself, he had lost his appetite too._

_He placed Alex on the bed and pulled the covers over the now curling body, halting his retreat when he felt cold fingers wrap around his wrist and then he saw a pair of tired red rimmed eyes looking up at him._

_"I… I do want to be here. I hope you know that" Alex said in a hushed voic_ _ e that made _ _Ben smile, feeling some weight lift_ _ ing from _ _his shoulders at hearing_ _ what could pass as an _ _apology._

_"I know Cub" and when Alex actually smiled at his nickname, Ben knew that things were okay between them. It had just been a strenuous day._

_ Ben made a mental note to pick up on Alex’s moods better. He wasn’t a terribly expressive boy, so Ben had to up his perceptive skills if he wanted to be of any help to him in the future. Maybe next time he noticed Alex acting odd, he’d ask him and help him cope better. _

_It was too late to ponder on that now_ _ though _ _. He gave Alex's hand a gentle squeeze and the teen let out a sigh before falling completely asleep. Tomorrow he would talk to him; make sure the kid wasn't feeling extra guilty for the broken lamp and table. Those were easily repairable, Alex's heart though, not so much._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... any thoughts?
> 
> It’s getting pretty late on my side of the globe so I’ll just post the first two chapters today and continue tomorrow. I really hope you guys like this story enough to stick around and see what happens to Alex and how it affects his relationship with Ben.  
> FYI: I am a sucker for protective Ben, so expect to see lots of that in my stories!


	3. Travel arrangements

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos on this story! It made my day to see them this morning when I woke up.
> 
> Here’s another slightly upgraded chapter of the original work. I had to do some fixing in the PoV department since it was jumping from place to place. Enjoy!

"… earth down to Cub. Are you listening to me?" Ben snapped his fingers in front of Alex’s face.

"Yes… No, sorry. What were you saying?" the teenager responded, not trying to hide the smirk that Ben's sigh provoked. He hadn't meant to stop listening to the older man, but he could still laugh at his expression.

"I was saying, I've got a mission coming up so you'll have to spend the last week of school by yourself"

"Oh. What's the mission about?" Alex asked not because he was really interested in it but because he didn’t quite know how to respond to the news.

"That's classified and you know it" the older man replied secretly.

"Right, but then you end up telling me anyway. So, spill it"

Even though Alex didn't work for MI6 anymore, not that being blackmailed and cheated into it counted as working for them, he always managed to make Ben tell him at least the basics of his missions. Where he was going, for how long, what was his target, and Alex suspected Ben had figured him out already. He didn’t mind spending long periods of time on his own, but it always gave him a little peace of mind knowing what Ben was up to and where.

So, with a sigh that showed a small flare for the dramatic he was learning to associate with the man, Ben told him.

"South America. ‘6 needs to confirmation on suspicious ties between a corrupt government and some important people in ours. It's just a matter of observe and report. I'll be back by the end of next week"

Alex scowled down at his food. "A mission is never just observe and report"

"I _will_ be back next week Cub. You've got nothing to worry about" Ben emphasized and Alex snorted.

"Who said I was worried?" he tried to pass off as a joke, because they both knew he was.

"Whatever" Ben replied, but they both smiled "I spoke to the guys yesterday" he said, changing the subject.

"Oh?" this time, genuine curiosity sparkled in his voice. Back when he’d first been sent to the SAS training camp, everyone on K-Unit had been such dicks to him. Now, about two years, they were actually fun to have around.

"Yeah. Wolf said they'll be stationed in Ukraine for some time and, I was thinking, since you'll be done with school, maybe you'd like to head over there?"

The question was so unexpected it caught Alex completely by surprise. "How come?" K-Unit had always gone to them when they had a chance, why go to them instead? And in another country no less?

"I thought maybe you'd like some vacations, to change the scenary a little bit" Ben said, eyes trained on Alex as if measuring his reaction.

Alex gulped down the bite of food he’d been chewing, quickly putting another bite in his mouth before answering. Going on vacation with Ben? They hadn't set foot outside of London during the time they’d lived together and Alex wasn't sure he was ready for the idea of what sounded like a family road trip.

When Ian had been alive, and so had been Jack, they’d often gone traveling around the world, engrossing themselves in various activities that Alex had later found out were part of his uncle's plan to train him on the business of being a spy. Inevitably, Alex had later come to associate his traveling with danger, what with working with MI6 and all the missions he’d been sent to do. He’d jumped from one continent to the next, he had even gone to outer space for God's sake! Yet he never seemed to be able to enjoy much of it. Almost all his travels had been accompanied by pain and desperation, so he wasn't sure he wanted to taint whatever good he felt he was living now by going on yet another one.

This time was different though. He wouldn’t be traveling so his uncle could teach him how to survive in the wilderness, he wouldn’t have to excel at any risk sport. He also wouldn't be going alone, which is how he traveled every time MI6 sent him away.

No. This time he’d be going with Ben, someone he could now truly consider a friend. Not just that, they would meet with K-Unit on the other side. He wouldn't be alone and though he’d proven time and again that he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself in a dangerous situation, he was content to know that, if any were to arise, he’d be surrounded by very well trained people. So maybe this trip wasn't such a bad idea after all.

If only he had known better.

"We don't have to go if you don't want to" Ben said, interrupting the blond's train of thought. He’d probably mistaken the silence for lack of interest or a downright rejection of the idea, but Alex couldn't refuse to go when he knew Ben was looking forward to seeing his friends again. The life of a spy was a lonely one, so even the briefest of encounters with friends, specially friends who knew what you did for a living and wouldn't question Alex's presence either, were something to really appreciate.

"No, no. It's okay" Alex said quickly "We can go. I don't mind" he wasn't sure if agreeing to the trip was something he actually wanted or not, but just seeing Ben's grin was enough to ease his doubts. The man had, after all, taken him into his wing when he’d had nowhere else to go. He had helped him get out from a dark pit and find his way back into life, back to school, back to his friends and to his future. The least he could do now was agree to a trip that had him obviously excited, maybe that way he could show his appreciation for all the man had done for him in the past years.

"Awesome!" Ben exclaimed excitedly "I'll spend a couple of days home when I come back from South America and then we can go. We'll have fun Cub, you'll see"

Alex smiled and finished his dinner. How bad could a trip to Ukraine with an MI6 agent going to meet a team of SAS soldiers could be, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you later today with another edited chapter of Should’ve known better!


	4. Show off!

Alex felt slightly nervous while walking through the security checkpoint at the airport. It had been two years since he last took a plane anywhere and he wasn't particularly excited about the idea of spending over three hours in an enclosed, overly crowded space. If Ben had picked up on his reluctance, he made no comment.

The flight itself wasn't all that bad, considering there was a screen at the back of the seat directly in front of him and he was able to distract himself by playing some videogames and listening to music. The takeoff and landing though… those were particularly stressful. Either way, later in the day the traveling pair found themselves stepping out of the plane and getting access granted without difficulty to Ukraine's capital, Kiev.

What little sight they managed to catch between the airport and their hotel, Alex had already decided that the trip had been worth it just for the views. The city and its architecture were beautiful and he began to feel some excitement at the prospect of walking through the streets and getting to know the place. _Being a normal tourist_. The thought made him smile.

They arrived at a more than decently looking hotel, getting off the taxicab and making their way inside without needing to carry their luggage since someone had the job to do it for them.

"Nice place" Alex whistled, his eyes roaming every inch of the interior. Somehow, everything looked shinier than it probably was, and theycouldn't help but be amazed at the art adorning the walls and ceiling "Are you sure you can afford this place?" he asked, only half joking. Ben smirked.

"I do hold a pretty risky position that certainly pays off" the teasing smile fell off Alex’s face.

"I wouldn't know" it wasn’t like MI6 ever payed him for using him. When he noticed the tension behind his statement though, he was quick to add, "I think you just want to show off in front of the unit" he said, sending a light punch to the older man’s arm. He was fairly sure K-Unit wouldn't be enjoying any luxuries in whatever base they were staying on.

"Do not!" Ben replied, feigning offense and sending back a punch himself.

"Do too!" Alex countered, now effectively shoving the man, making him almost hit a column.

"Hey!" the older man protested and between laughs, they started trying to shove the other one off their feet, forgetting momentarily that they were walking through a rather luxury hotel and shouldn't have been acting like children.

The whole exchange didn't last more than a few seconds, but a particularly hard shove sent Alex crashing into someone that had been walking close to their left. Alex had to hold on to the man to avoid falling all the way down. He immediately sobered up and once he regained his balance, he looked up and offered an apology while helping the man regain his.

"I'm sorry, Sir" Alex said respectfully. The man was older than him and Ben both, but probably didn't reach his 50s yet. He was tall and well built, dressed in an expensive suit. His eyes though, when Alex glanced up at them, displayed annoyance at being bumped into like that.

Alex didn't even know if the man spoke English at all, but he continued his apology anyway. "Are you alright?"

"Fine" the man said gruffly in heavily accented English "You should watch your way" the blond didn’t take offense at the harsh tone though, he _had_ almost tackled him by accident after all.

"Yes, Sir. I'm sorry" he repeated before joining a giggling Ben and soon putting the incident behind him "Shut up" he told Ben, which only served to make the man laugh even harder "That was your fault"

"Was not!" Ben protested.

"Was too!" Alex said right back, and they immersed again in an argument that, thankfully enough, didn't involve anymore shoving.

Alex had to admit that he liked this almost childlike side of Ben. He was always so focused on everything he did that it was difficult to see him as the young adult that he actually was. His time as an SAS soldier and, more importantly, his time as a spy had made him grow beyond his years and Alex often found himself wondering what Ben would’ve been like if he had decided to lead a more normal life. Being a soldier and a spy made you prone to witnessing the different horrors human kind was capable of, Alex knew that way too well, and the primary aftereffect of said horrors was to take innocence away. Once happy, free and caring people would come back settled and even haunted. Choosing this kind of life had its price, so Alex was glad whenever he got to witness the times Ben just relaxed and enjoyed himself.

Over the past years they had created this sort of bond between them, in which Alex had needed Ben maybe as much as the older man had needed him. Having someone to share your loneliness with made you feel like you weren't carrying such a heavy load on your shoulders and now that he could ponder more objectively on the matter, Alex was glad Ben had never tried to assume something like a fatherly role or even a proper guardian one. Over time, he’d become like an older brother for him, someone who couldn't exactly tell you what to do or how to live your life but who had become involved enough to have an important opinion. Someone he could rely on and seek comfort in whenever he felt like he needed it, not that he let himself need those times too often. They may not be over emotional about it, since neither of them were that kind of person, but they were glad to have each other.

With those thoughts in mind and a small smile playing on his lips, Alex followed Ben to the reception area where they got their keycards and a warm welcome to what would surely be an unforgettable stay in the city, the receptionist had said, and she had been right. This would be a week neither of them would ever forget.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

SerhiyGryglewiczstraightened his suit and let his eyes stare after the boy for a few more seconds before turning around and resuming his walk out of the place. To say he was annoyed by the incident was an understatement, but he was intrigued now more than anything.

It had been too long now since the last time he’d set his eyes upon someone and now he couldn't take the image of the boy out of his mind.

 _I’m sorry, Sir_. His lips curled up imperceptibly at the corners. He could work with that.

He turned to one of the men that had been walking just a step behind him, one of his bodyguards.

"Find out who the boy is" he ordered, and the bodyguard nodded.

"Yes, Sir" he agreed without questioning his boss's motive. He was an important man, a powerful man, and he was used to getting his way. He also payed more than enough to ensure his employee's discretion, silence and, above all, loyalty.

Serhiy never even glanced back. He didn't need to. He had already set eyes upon his next target and the boy would soon be regretting having bumped into him at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And starting now the plot starts to develop.  
> Serhiy is a truly despicable man, so stay tuned to find out how he messes with Alex’s life.  
> See you soon!


	5. Patriotism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! How’s everyone doing? Enjoying the story so far? Things get interesting in this chapter, so buckle up, because the plot officially starts now.  
> I’d like to mention that since this is a work of fiction, I didn’t really put too much effort into researching things like where the SAS might be stationed overseas, so I just went with the first place that came to mind: Ukraine. I just needed a location for the villain of this story. I don’t claim to know absolutely anything about hoe the military works in any country, so let’s just focus on the main plot, shall we? I tend to delve into emotions and character’s relationships, everything else is just an excuse to get the story going.
> 
> That being said: enjoy!

The next day, Serhiy was sitting at his home desk dialing a number on his phone. He skipped over greetings and went straight to the point once the call went through.

"Is everything in place to take him?"

"Yes, Sir. The day after tomorrow, you should have the boy at your disposal" the voice at the other end of the line spoke.

"Good. Location three should do fine for him. After that, you know your instructions. Contact Mr. Boyko” he finished, letting out a last order before hanging up. “I don't want to be disturbed"

SerhiyGryglewiczwas an eccentric man. He liked certain things and certain ways to get those things done. He was a man fond of his privacy, his money and his boys. For the past year he’d been busy trying to build up his business internationally and had been required to leave the country on a regular basis. That's why he hadn't been able to focus on anyone new since the boy still stationed at location two. His hobby required him to be a constant presence at the different locations, otherwise his objective wouldn't be achieved.

Alex Rider. The boy from the lobby. His people had been quick to find out who he was and he’d already given the order for the taking. He would be the fifth person to receive this special treatment on his part, and he was looking forward to the three weeks he had available for him.

Serhiy could hardly wait for the boy’s training to start.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Sorry Cub. You're too young to be drinking" Snake stated before taking a sip from the beer bottle currently in his hand.

K-Unit had been granted a couple of nights off duty and so they had been able to step out of their base and join the rest of the world. Ben had gotten in contact with Wolf and together they’d decided to have dinner in a not so fancy restaurant in some part of Kiev.

Their reunion wasn't overly dramatic, but Alex could tell everyone was happy to be reunited with their former member, including Alex who despite having trained with them for mere weeks, had always felt welcomed after that. A few hugs and pats later and they were seated at their table.

A couple of hours after that and they were stuffing themselves with dessert while exchanging stories of their latest adventures.

"So I'm old enough to go around saving the world but not old enough to drink?" Alex asked with indignance in his voice. Talk about the unfairness of life.

"You only did that twice Cub. Nothing much to brag about" said Eagle, who was already on his third serve of dessert. The man could definitely eat his sugar alright.

"Twice?" Alex snorted "I think it may have been a bit more than that" he reached out to try and snatch Ben’s beer. The other man was faster though and pulled it out of his reach.

"And yet, you're still too young to drink" he said, sticking his tongue out at the blond in a very childlike attitude himself.

The truth was, Alex didn't even like alcohol that much. He'd only have a few drinks with Tom whenever he’d stayed over at his house and Tom had managed to snatch a bottle of whatever new liquor his dad had gotten a crave for that month. They’d never gotten as far to actually getting drunk, but they’d given the thing a few sips. To this day, Alex could still not understand what the fuss about getting drunk on a substance that didn't even taste that good to begin with was, but he still demanded to have at least one beer alongside his friends that night.

Since taste wasn't what he had been after, he’d only asked for the drink to pretend to be older for a while. He didn't mind spending time with the Ben and the unit when they were all at home or had decided to go camping or climbing. But sitting in a restaurant surrounded by different kind of tourists: families, couples, groups of young people and some elderly ones, Alex found himself a bit out of place. A teenage boy, not allowed to drink yet, between a group of grown men talking about stories of war and the like. Alex just didn't want to feel so different from them.

Probably realizing Alex had been left out of the conversation for a while, Wolf turned to him and asked about the usual suspects.

"School's over now and I managed to up my grades at the end of the term. There was a moment where I thought I wouldn't be able to get past chemistry, but eventually I did. Oh! And we won the season!" he replied excitedly, having resigned himself to keep drinking from his soda can.

"That's great lad!" Snake commented "Wish I could have seen it"

"That's alright. You were doing important work" Alex said to which Wolf snorted.

"Important work. If you call getting our skin scorched by the sun and our throats dry from choking on bloody sand important work, then you might want to rethink your definition"

After that, the five of them got stuck in a conversation about sense of duty, patriotism and football. How the last one related to the topic, Alex still had no idea.

The evening dragged on and eventually they had to leave the place, if only to keep Eagle from eating the desserts resting on the table next to theirs, which he’d been eyeing them for quite some time now. Plans were made to meet again the next day for breakfast and they would decide what to do for the rest of the day once their stomachs were full again.

Eagle, Snake and Wolf headed down the street where they’d parked a jeep they’d been able to get their hands on at the base whilst Ben and Alex walked back to their hotel, which wasn't very far from there.

"You okay?” Ben asked when they started walking and Alex glanced up, confused at the worry in the older man’s tone.

"Of course"

"Come on now, what's bothering you?" it was fairly obvious there was something on Alex's mind, and Ben was hellbent on finding out what.

"Nothing"

"Right. If you say so" and they continued to walk in silence, until Alex suddenly spoke up.

"It's just, all that talk about patriotism" he blurted out, as if he might lose his courage at bringing the subject up again.

"What about it?"

"I still don't get it. I mean, I get that it's necessary for people to step up and dedicate their lives to their country. As a whole, when you think about an army, I get that ensuring the country's protection is important and unavoidable" he started, Ben listening intently to his every word "But when you think about it from the individual's perspective, a soldier, a spy, I just don't see how someone could choose to live like that. To give so much to your country, growing apart from your family, and then not getting a lot in return after that, you know?" he finished.

"You thinking about your Uncle?" Alex looked away and hunched his shoulders in response.

"I just don't see how patriotism is more important than family" the blond muttered. Ben stayed silent for a few minutes.

"Everyone has different reasons for it Cub. Let me ask you something, why did you go on all those missions?" Alex looked back at him surprised, not expecting the change in direction the conversation had taken.

"I was manipulated into them. You know that" he stated.

"I know but, why do you think you never purposefully put your foot down, damn all the consequences and just say no? After all, a fourteen-year-old kid shouldn't be expected to not freeze in fear at the prospect of said missions. I'm not blaming you!" Ben was quick to add when Alex had been about to argue his words "When it comes down to it, MI6 are the bastards responsible for everything that's happened to you. Just, humor me. Why do you reckon you did it?" Alex closed his mouth and began to think hard, his brow furrowed in concentration. _Why had he done it?_

"At first I just wanted to find the truth about my uncle and finish what he’d started. Kind of honoring his death, I guess. Then it was sort of me looking for trouble, or finding it along the way, and MI6 taking advantage of that. When I found a situation I thought was suspicious, I just had to follow it through" he confessed.

"Why?" Ben kept asking and Alex had the fleeting thought that if his career at MI6 didn't work out, Ben could very well turn out to be a good psychologist, since he was making Alex see things from a whole different perspective that night.

"Because people could get hurt. They could get killed! Out of every insane people I met, all of them always planned to do something that would end up killing thousands of people. Whether it was school children or entire cities, they never planned anything that wouldn't result on a big scale massacre"

"Then that's your answer right there. You did it to save lives, even if you didn't even know the people you were saving" Ben stated, clearly satisfied with how they’d managed to reach that conclusion.

Alex pondered on that thought for a while. He guessed the older man was right. Whenever he found out about the bad guy's plan, he could never just walk away from them. He felt obligated to at least try and stop whatever plan was about to go down because it would mean a lot of people would get killed over mundane ideas like money or politics.

"But I'm not a patriot" he said, his voice low, as if he’d meant that sentence for his ears only.

"You're too young for that Alex. Maybe in a few years you'll understand it better and will be able to judge on which side of the coin you're at"

"I think I've done enough for my country as it is" Alex snorted "Don't expect me to go enlisting or something" Ben laughed and clapped him on the back.

"You don't need to be a soldier, or a spy, to be a patriot Cub" he said.

"How—" but his question got interrupted before it could be uttered. They’d been only a few blocks from their hotel and were walking through the now almost deserted and dark street when Ben faltered on his step and fought to maintain his balance. He let out a low grunt.

"Ben?" Alex watched incredulously when Ben brought a hand to his upper chest and it came away bloody "Ben!" he reached for him when he faltered on his next step, heart beating frantically in his chest.

"Get behind me!" Ben growled, grabbing into Alex's arm and yanking him to stay behind him, putting himself between the boy and where the bullet had come from. The blond could recognize a bullet wound when he saw one and he didn’t like how much blood was already oozing from Ben’s shoulder. They hadn't heard any shot being fired, so a silencer must have been used. Who would take a shot at them in the middle of the night in Ukraine?

Two things happened at the same time then: a black van made its way around the corner, speeding towards them and coming to an abrupt stop at their side, and Ben's breathing began to speed up dangerously.

"Alex, you need to get out of here" Ben stressed, now a little bit hunched over his wound.

"No way!" the teen protested, not interested in leaving Ben's side since it was clear the man was struggling.

"Run to the hotel. Ring the police. Get help" his breaths were starting to come in short gasps.

"I'm not leaving you!"

"Alex—" he was interrupted by the sliding of the van's door, several men wearing dark clothes stepping out of it. Alex immediately tensed up, ready to put up a fight and noticing at the corner of his eyes that Ben was doing the same.

How could this be happening? Were they seriously being randomly attacked right now? Or was this something else? Knowing his luck, he doubted this was some kind of coincidence, but failed to see how an old enemy would follow him all the way to Ukraine to kill him. Or was this about Ben? Alex glanced at his guardian and took in the serious expression and the rigid posture, even his breathing had slowed down in concentration. If he hadn't known any better, he wouldn't think the man had just been shot. But he _did_ know better, and he could distinguish a fine layer of sweat on the older man's forehead. He needed help, and he needed it now.

But that wasn't happening any time soon. As soon as the men stepped out of the van, guns were drawn and they didn’t have much of a chance to fight their way out this unarmed. 

"Who are you?" Ben asked, his voice gruff but dangerous.

"The boy's coming with us" one of them said, his accent heavy on his words. Alex's heart did a summersault. So this _was_ about him.

"What do you want with me?" he asked, but Ben didn't let the man answer.

"I don't think so" he said, and leapt into action.

He kicked the man's gun out of his hand and took a hold of his arm, bending over himself and sending the man crashing to the ground. Alex didn't lose the opportunity to act up either.

He joined in on Ben’s effort to get rid of the men, but they were too many. At least five against the two of them, and Ben's strength was rapidly waning. It didn't take much longer for someone to get the drop on the older man and hit the back of his head with a gun. Alex was then apprehended from behind and a gun shoved into his face for him to remain still. The blond watched in fear as the first man that had spoken to them went over to Ben, who wasn't quite unconscious yet, and aimed a vicious kick to his stomach, sending him crashing the rest of the way to the floor with a pained grunt. He didn't get back up again.

"Fox!" Alex yelled, not wanting to use Ben's real name in front of these men.

"Get the boy inside" the man ordered harshly and Alex felt a cloth being pushed over his nose and mouth. He did everything he could to not breathe in, to avoid the chemical from rendering him unconscious and leaving him at the mercy of whoever these people were, but it was hopeless. He breathed in the sweet intoxicating scent and his vision blurred instantly, lungs burning inside.

He gave a few more struggles when he saw two men approach Ben and lift him off the ground, dragging him towards an ally between two buildings and the last thing Alex saw before darkness surrounded him completely was how another kick made its way into his friend's side.

 _Ben_. Alex thought hopelessly right before he passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger much? I know, I know... more chapters to come soon! Like, tomorrow soon.  
> Any comments? Thoughts? Guesses as to what’s gonna happen next? Feel free to drop them here!


	6. Unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one’s a short chapter but it gets us to our destination faster. I’ll go edit the next one now!

Awareness came back slowly. First, his hearing allowed him to pick up on the sound of an engine running. Then he could feel the movement of the vehicle as it drove through the streets, making his stomach roll with the motion. When he tried to open his eyes though, he found that he couldn't. He’d been blindfolded. When he went to take in a deep calming breath, he realized his mouth had been taped shut too. 

For a moment, he was engulfed by panic at not being able to see anything on top of being gagged, but he forced himself to take as much a deep breath as he could through his nose. This wasn't the first time he found himself in this kind of situation, but that didn't mean it got any easier to deal with.

He supposed he was still inside the van that had ambushed them on the street and immediately tensed himself up thinking there was no way he could be alone inside of it. There had been at least five men, plus the driver, and they had to be in there with him, even if they weren't making any sound. He desperately wished he could open his eyes and find Ben lying there with him as well but— _Ben!_ Alex's heart picked up its pace and his breathing got heavier. They’d shot him! Whoever these people were, they had shot Ben in the middle of the street and then beaten him up. Alex had no way of knowing if he’d been dragged into the van as well or just left out in the streets to die. What if there had been a killer shot after he lost consciousness?

 _He’s_ _a spy, he can take care of himself_. But, suddenly, the prospect of something happening to him like it had happened to Jack sent a stab of pain through his heart. He couldn't go through that again, _he couldn't_!

But seeing as right now he couldn't exactly do anything about it, he focused on trying to break his bonds free, because only now he had realized that his hands had been tied behind his back. The material felt rough against his skin, and after twisting his wrists around a bit, he came to the conclusion that his hands must have been tied with rope, like, old fashion rope. Those were extremely hard to cut away unless he could get his hands on something sharp.

He changed positions on the van, searching all around him for a piece of something that could help him cut away his bindings, but the moment his fingers came in contact with the tip of a shoe, a kick was sent his way.

He wasn't alone then. He hated feeling so exposed like that. Exposed and helpless, because it was becoming pretty clear that he would have to wait until they got to their destination before attempting to get away. It would also be preferable if he waited until the blindfold was taken out of his eyes so he could at least see the way while doing so.

Since his eyes wouldn't be of much help in telling him where they were taking him, he had to rely on his other senses. He concentrated on memorizing the turns the vehicle took, counting lefts and rights as he did so, as well as trying to determine the speed at which they were traveling. He had no way of knowing how much time he’d been unconscious but he doubted it had been much, since his muscles weren't that stiff from lying in the same position for too long. He listened to the sounds of the street, but other than the occasional vehicle, the only engine he heard was the one transporting him to only his captors knew where. So that meant it was still night time. The road they were traveling was smooth and not bumpy, so they were probably still in the city.

That was a good thing. The closer he remained to the city, the better the chances of scaping and finding help, or being rescued at all. But who would rescue him if no one knew he'd been taken? Ben could be dead for all he knew, or at least hurt enough to not be able to help him.

Then, he remembered K-Unit. 

They were supposed to meet for breakfast the next day and if they didn't show up, they were bound to be suspicious. Once they couldn't get a hold of them over the phone, they would definitely be worried and then the search party would begin.

But would it be too late for him? He didn't know who these people were or what they wanted with him. They’d asked for him specifically so that meant they knew him, but Alex couldn't remember ever running into Ukrainian crime people before. What was their game plan?

Then another thought waved its way into his brain, making renewed panic find its way towards the surface. By the time K-Unit even suspected something was wrong, would it be too late for Ben?

The teenager could picture perfectly in his mind the moment the older man had faltered after being shot and then looking at his blood-stained hand when he’d reached up to his shoulder. The shot hadn't seemed to have hit anything vital, since Ben had been able to fight off a few men before he got overpowered but, after the beating, he may have been left too weak to get help. If he had been left unconscious on the street, he could bleed out before anyone got the chance to see him and call the police, or an ambulance.

As time went on, Alex was left with the pessimistic thoughts of how Ben was probably already dead and no one was coming to help him. His heart thudded painfully against his chest because he knew, if the worst came to happen, he couldn't live with Ben's death on his conscience. It would just be too much, the final straw on his barely held together sanity. If Ben died because of this, Alex was sure he would die right alongside with him, if not by the hands of his captors, then by losing the will to pick his life up together again. Doing it after Jack had been a monumental effort and he didn't think he could go through that again.

His thoughts were interrupted when the van slowed down until it came to a complete stop. The men around him came to life again and began to speak to each other in a language Alex wasn't familiar with.

What he did understand was the command to get up and out of the vehicle by the hand pulling hardly on his arm and guiding him forward. They went up a flight of stairs that seemed endless and then walked through a threshold. Alex knew they had stepped indoors when the cool air of the night was replaced by the warm interior of wherever they were now.

No one talked to him or offered him any explanation as to what was going on, and he almost tripped and fell down another flight of stairs when no one warned him about them. This time, they were going down and Alex wondered if they were heading towards a basement, since they were still indoors. Wherever they had taken him, the place was huge. He could still memorize the way from the door to his final stop though, knowing it would come in handy when trying to escape.

When they reached their destination, the tape over his mouth was removed, but the blindfold and the ropes tying his hands together behind his back remained. The men that had kidnapped him pushed him towards the ground and left the room, locking the door behind them.

Alex was left alone, blinded, to wait for whatever it was these people had in store for him.

He couldn't pray hard enough for K-Unit to find out they were missing. And with a final thought wandering towards Ben, the teenager sat and waited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry, more to come soon!


	7. Off duty

Ben woke up with a start, a fierce burning pain making his shoulder pulse in rhythm with his heart. He groaned when he tried to sit up and brought a hand up to apply pressure on top of the wound. He glanced at his watch and saw that he’d been unconscious for perhaps ten minutes, his unconsciousness due more to blood loss than the many hits he received in the head. He'd had worse, so that's how he knew the men that had attacked him and Alex weren't as trained as he was. Though fighting so many of them with a bullet wound on his shoulder had cost him, he thought with another groan, and they had managed to take Alex.

He heaved a sigh. What was it about Alex that made him always the target? He swore the kid had the worst luck out of anyone he'd ever met and, soon, images of what could be happening to him right at that exact moment flashed through his mind. He needed to contact MI6 now. It didn't matter that Alex no longer worked for them. This must have something to do with Alex's time as a spy. What else could it be if not that?

He cursed the dizziness that threatened to make his earlier dinner reappear and reached for his phone inside his pocket.

"Welcome to the Royal and General Bank—“ the automated answering machine began to greet, but Ben blurted out his identification number, knowing the machine would recognize the code immediately and patch him through to someone actually working inside. It didn't matter what time it was in London, there was always someone at the ready to answer the phone.

"Agent Daniels" a female voice said "Status?"

"Off duty. Injured. It's an emergency. I need to talk to Mrs. Jones" he demanded. He was sitting on the floor of a dark alley with his back against the side of a building. His vision kept swimming in and out of focus but he swallowed several times and worked on keeping his breathing under control. He needed to act professional right now.

"She's not available at this moment" the detached voice said.

"Yes, she is" Ben replied, a dangerous tone to his voice "I don't care what time it is, I said it was an emergency!"

"Like I said—"

"Tell her it's about Alex Rider!" Ben tried desperately, knowing the subject would be too appealing for her to turn down his call. There was a moment's pause in which Ben's labored breathing was the only thing that could be heard over the line, and then another deeper voice replaced the one that had been talking to him before.

"Daniels" Mrs. Jones greeted him, her tone as unwavering as ever "What is this about?"

"Alex's been taken" Ben said urgently, glad that he could finally get a hold of her "We were attacked in Kiev, maybe thirty minutes ago now, and some Ukrainians took him"

"I see" Ben waited for her to elaborate on her statement and, when she didn't, his temper rose to the surface.

"What do you know about this!?" he asked "We weren't randomly attacked. I was shot from a distance and they were clear about taking him. What have you gotten him into? Is it an old enemy from one of his missions?"

"As I understand it, you and Mr. Rider were on vacation so, knowing him like I do, he probably went looking for trouble where he shouldn't. He never held any contact with the Ukrainian people while working with us" Mrs. Jones finished. _Knowing him like she did?_ Who the hell did she think she was to say she knew Alex at all!

"He wasn't looking for trouble. We’ve only been here for two days!" he felt the need to defend his ward against the woman's accusations but, as the pain in his shoulder and the dizziness reminded him, he didn't have much time to argue about whose fault it was. He needed a solution "How are we going to proceed?" he asked, bringing his tone down a notch.

"You are free to do what you wish with your free time agent Daniels"

"Wait… what?" bloodloss must have been affecting him faster than he thought because, for a moment there, he thought Mrs. Jones was telling him he was on his own.

"Mr. Rider no longer works for us and since this incident doesn't seem related with the missions he worked with us, I can't spare much resources into finding him. You, however, are free to do so"

"You can't possibly be serious! You drag him into this world in the first place and when he truly needs your help, you dispose of him like that?" Ben was livid now, his tone of voice rising higher than ever before. He was sure he would be waking up the people from the buildings surrounding him some time soon. If there was one positive outcome about his anger, was that it provided him with the necessary adrenalin to clear his foggy brain and put the tiredness and pain to the back of his mind "How am I going to find him on my own? I need your help. I need the resources" he stated simply. For a moment, he thought he may have managed to stir something inside the other woman, since there was a pause in the conversation.

"You will be granted clearance to speak to the local police as an ex-member of the Special Forces troops in the United Kingdom, which you were. So maybe they'll show some professional courtesy"

"Is that all?" Ben asked, now somewhat resigned to not exactly getting help from MI6, but having an idea already popping into his brain.

"Whatever happens, I expect a check in within the next couple of days. Keeping tabs on the situation is the best I can offer"

"Yeah, sure" Ben said sharply before ending the call "Bloody MI6. Bloody Mrs. Jones" he muttered to himself before dialing another number. If anything, Jones's talk about him getting clearance as an ex SAS soldier gave him the idea to contact K-Unit and ask for _their_ help. Maybe they could actually get the Army to help him with the search. He prayed for Wolf to answer the Goddammed phone since the other man took ages in picking up the call and, once he did, he went straight to the point "Wolf, I need help" he knew there must have been something in his voice: urgency? Pain? Desperation? Because Wolf didn't even question him before answering his request.

"What do you need?"

Ben retold the story about how he and Alex had been ambushed on the street and the teen had been abducted. He told him about his conversation with Mrs. Jones and the plan that had already begun to take shape in his mind. He also left the part where he was injured to the very end of the conversation, wanting to give out all the important information first.

"Shit Fox. Sit tight. We're coming to get you. We'll take you to the base and speak with the sergeant in charge. We'll find Cub" Wolf assured him.

"Roger that" Ben's voice had become weaker after the urgency of letting someone else know what had happened was over. Now, with nothing else to do but wait to be found by his team, his strength was beginning to sap away again, making his eyes burn and his eyelids heavy with tiredness. He knew he was maybe only minutes away from going into shock, but he didn't have enough strength to keep his eyes open.

He lost track of time as soon as Wolf ended the call and, since he couldn't do anything else, he concentrated on the license plate number he’d been able to catch from the van, repeating it over and over in his head and holding on to the little piece of information that seemed like the only thing that could serve as a connection to find Alex. Find who the van belongs to and you find the people who took him. _Unless the van was stolen_ , a little voice at the back of his mind told him, but he pushed the thought away.

Even if the van had been stolen, they would still be able to track it through street and traffic cameras. The vehicle had to turn up somewhere and that somewhere had to lead to Alex. Not finding him wasn't an option. Ben found himself clinging into Wolf's words as strongly as he had been clinging to the license plate number. _We'll find Cub_ _._

_We'll find Cub_ _. _

_We'll find Cub_ _. _

"Hey man, don't worry. We'll find Cub" his head jerked up at the sound of someone's voice near him and suddenly he was aware of Snake's presence hovering above him in the back of a jeep. He’d missed K-Unit's arrival and had been completely unconscious when they had loaded him into their vehicle, which was no doubt heading towards their base.

"Wh-What?" he asked, disoriented. He could barely make out Eagle's and Wolf's silhouettes on the front seats.

"You were murmuring Cub's name while you were out" Snake offered as a way of explanation "Now hold still while I patch you up" being the field medic of their unit, Snake always carried the necessary supplies to address the most basic kind of injuries one could encountered onthe field, and getting shot was about the most basic of them all.

Ben felt reassured at having his teammates around, knowing that they would also do whatever it took to get Alex back safe. He just hoped itwould be in time to prevent whatever the Ukrainians had in store for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... don’t you just hate MI6? In my mind, they’re as much of a villain as Serhiy in this story.
> 
> By the way: thank you so much for the kudos! It’s awesome to know someone’s enjoying this story.
> 
> I think I can edit and post another chapter or two today, so stay tuned!


	8. Training

It turned out Alex had to wait until morning for someone to come back to the room and get him.

He’d used the time to wander around, familiarizing himself with the room, even if he was still blinded to actually see it. He searched the place carefully and methodically, pressing himself against one wall and then following the path always keeping a shoulder pressed to it. His hands were still tied behind him, but that didn't mean he couldn't run his fingers over the surface of the walls to try and discern what type of room he was in. He made sure to always test his next step carefully in case there could be something lying on the floor that could make him trip. In the end, he determined there was nothing in there. The room was absolutely bare.

It wasn't that big either, almost the size of his own room back at Ben's place. Even though he knew the door would be locked, he had to try it, but gave up after a few minutes when his shoulders and wrists protested the abuse.

 _Great,_ he thought. All he could do right now was wait, and God knows how much he hated that. If these people were trying to get under his skin… well, they certainly knew how to begin. He dozed off at some point, given that he’d been taken practically at midnight, and it must have been nearing 3:00 a.m. now. He didn't get much sleep though since his mind couldn't stop wondering about what he’d been taken for and why.

It had been over a couple of years since he’d finally left the life of a teenage spy behind, having absolutely no direct contact with MI6 other than just Ben working for them. For all intents and purposes, he had been one normal teenager, and then, this happens! He cursed whoever was up there that had a grudge against him because they certainly went way out of their way to make his life a living hell. How on earth was he going to get out of this one?

It was a few hours later when, sitting with his back against the wall, he was woken up by the sound of the door opening and footsteps coming inside the room. He was roughly pulled to his feet and guided outside, back up the flight of stairs and then up to the second floor of wherever they were. His initial assessment of the place had been right: it was huge! He knew at some point he would lose count of how many stairs he had gone up or down if they didn't remove the blindfold soon, which happened immediately after they entered another room and he was made to sit on a chair.

When his eyes came in contact with the light, he squinted, willing his blurry vision to come back into focus quickly because there was a man sitting opposite him in front of a desk who was regarding him intently and he wanted to be able to look at him straight in the eyes and show him that he wasn't scared. When he finally managed to look at him, fear wasn't an emotion he had to be worried about concealing, it was surprise.

"You?" Alex asked, having recognized the man instantly but not understanding why he would have gone to all the trouble of abducting him "I bumped into you at the hotel" he said, to let the man know he’d been recognized. The other man smiled evilly.

"Yes, you did. My name is SerhiyGryglewicz. You are Alex Rider" his accent was prominent.

"I don't know you. You don't know me. So what the hell do you want from me?" Alex asked, ignoring the introductions and going straight to the point. Before running into him at the hotel, Alex had never seen this man before and he never encountered Ukrainians in any of his missions, which only led him to believe that this may have nothing to do with his time as an MI6 agent at all. But, if not that, then what?

"I would suggest you watch your language when speaking to me" he responded, a flash of something dangerous appearing in his eyes. Alex did his best to control his temper. He wasn't known for being very patient and his snarky remarks had gotten him into trouble in the past, so he bit his tongue and waited to hear the other man's explanation before showing an attitude right from the start. If this man indeed didn't know who he was, then there was no sense in showing all his cards on the first hand.

"I just don't understand. Why am I here?" Alex asked, with a calmer tone.

"You're here to get trained" Serhiy replied and the blond couldn’t hide the utter confusion in his face.

"Trained as in…?" he left the question hanging, intent on finding out exactly what kind of training this man had in mind.

"Perhaps I should explain myself better" and Alex suppressed the need to snort. _That_ _’d_ _be helpful_ _,_ he thought "Two days ago, when we met, there was something about you… The way you apologized after you fell into me. Your apology, your voice, it was so…" the man trailed off and Alex found himself hanging on to his every disturbing word “Submissive"

Alex let out a snort.

"Submissive? Are you joking? I assure you, I can be anything _but_ that"

"But you have such potential! That's what training is about. My people investigated you under my command and I know you've had a difficult life" for a moment, Alex feared this man knew about his involvement with MI6, but his doubts were soon squashed "Growing up with no parents, losing your uncle and more recently your guardian. You're a very good athlete and you are a black belt in karate. You've had to learn how to be independent from a young age but, your voice, that day… trust me, you've got potential"

"Potential for what!?" what was this man even talking about? His voice? He had kidnapped him because he had heard something in his _voice_? Why did all the crazy people in the world always managed to find their way to him? Why?

"Like I said, for training. I'm curious to know how long it takes to break away your bravado and turn you into the perfect subject" Serhiy stated and that just made the hairs at the back of Alex's head stand on end.

"What, you're going to torture me?" Alex asked, now ready to let out his snarky personality. If this man thought he had abducted a compliant scared teenager, then he was in for a surprise.

"It is a part of the training, yes" he confirmed and Alex did his best to keep his apprehension out of his voice.

"You're wasting your time then. I've been tortured before and I haven't been broken by it" he stated.

"I'm sure you haven't faced what I have in mind"

"Unless you can think of something other than being almost dissected alive, swimming with sharks, hanging above crocodiles, getting shot, beaten, falling from a building, _burning_ inside a building and I could go on, and on, and on, then I assure you, I've faced it all. So why don't you just let me go and you can find yourself another less experienced victim?" if this man really wanted a submissive person, then he wouldn't fit the bill, by far. He would do everything in his power to show the man he’d messed with the wrong teenager and maybe that would buy him time to plan his scape. He realized his mistake though, when he glanced into the smiling face of his captor, excitement written all over his face.

"Breaking you is going to be a lot of fun. You'll be taken back to your room now. You'll eat and rest as much as you can, for training will begin at midday. After lunch, I'll introduce you to Mr. Boyko. I have a feeling you two will get along" as he was being guided out of the room, Alex didn't waste the opportunity to let his thoughts out of his head.

"Your plan won't work! It doesn't matter what you do to me, it won't work" he said.

"We'll see" was the only answer he got before he was completely out of the room.

On the way back down, his captors didn't blindfold him again, so he was able to see the place he was being currently held captive in and couldn't help but be amazed at its greatness. Was the man who had abducted him rich? It certainly seemed like it, since Alex was standing inside a small castle rather than a house or a building. To be fair, it was probably more accurate to call it a mansion, but it was huge! He could see the place had at least another floor above the one where the meeting had taken place, and then there was the underground level they were heading towards now, where he was supposed to eat and rest before his _training_ could begin.

When he was left alone inside the bare room, this time with no restrains and a sandwich on a plate, he began to worry about what kind of training that man had in mind. Alex hadn't been exaggerating when he’d talked about some of the things he'd had to face during his year as a spy, but saying that he had been tortured before was a bit of a stretch from the truth. He had been beaten before, yes, but mostly he’dbeen tasked with facing dangerous and almost impossible situations, not plain and old fashion torture, like in the movies he and Tom liked to watch together. Is that what the man had in mind for him? Things like electrocution, breaking fingers and the like?

Just thinking about it made his stomach roll, and he had to force the rest of his sandwich down. He would need his strength. He also decided that he would make his scape the moment the door in front of him opened again.

On the way back to the room, he’d managed to glance out the windows and notice there didn’t seem to be any particularly tight security system. The only guards he’d seen were the ones accompanying him to and from his room and although the man in charge was well built, he didn't strike him as someone who could put up much of a fight. If he acted fast, he could use the element of surprise in his favor.

He wasn't going to let this crazy man torture him just because he liked his voice. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to hold on through physical torture for a long period of time, but he would do everything in his power to not let this man break him. He hadn't been broken by anyone through physical pain before, and he wasn't going to start now.

Two days later though, he wished he only had to deal with the pain. Serhiy had been right, he’d never faced something like what would happen to him at the hands of his captors and later he wished with all his might that torture was the only thing he'd had to worry about, because what Serhiy had in mind was much, much worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seems like things are starting to get complicated for Alex...


	9. Not an option

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: I am the worst at keeping track of dates, birthdays and the age of characters. I realized I made a mistake with Alex’s age when writing the rest of the series and though I mentioned it then, I promised to edit and fix the mistake but never got around to doing it.  
> Now though, I fixed the error and already changed the summary of the story and the few mentions throughout the previous chapters.  
> The thing is: the story happens TWO years after SR, so Alex has been living with Ben for about two years. That makes him 17 in this story.  
> You don’t need to go back and read the chapters again, but you do need this information for the rest of the series. I hope you don’t mind!

Ben woke up in the infirmary of the Army base sometime in the middle of the morning. He was relatively pain free although his shoulder felt stiff, being supported by a sling.

The infirmary wasn't too big, which led him to believe that the Army base wasn't that big either, maybe nothing more than a Forward Operating Base. In fact, he was the only occupant of the room.

Deeming himself strong enough to get up from the bed, he slowly made his way to the entrance, intent on finding whoever was in charge so he could plead his case and get the help he needed to find Alex. As it turned out, he didn't have to go very far, since Wolf, Snake and Eagle were already making their way into the room, following a few other soldiers and the Sergeant in command.

"I'm Sergeant Mills. Your friends here have informed me of your situation. Fox, is it?" the man asked.

He nodded. "Ben Daniels"

"Let's take a seat”

Ben sat down on the bed he’d been occupying before, while everyone else either remained standing or sitting on the few chairs around it. Sergeant Mills wasn't exactly a friendly man, but he wasn't mean either. He listened to the story of what had happened again, this time from Ben, who didn't mind telling him about his or Alex's involvement with MI6. He would tell this man absolutely everything if it meant getting the help he needed to find his ward.

"Sir" Snake added after Ben finished telling his part "The boy spent a few weeks in training with us at Brecon Beacons. He goes by Cub. He's part of our team as much as Fox still is" and right then Ben felt such a wave of gratitude and affection towards his friend he was almost overwhelmed by it.

"I appreciate the sentiment gentleman. Once a member of the SAS and all that. Though I still have trouble understanding how a fourteen-year-old boy could've made his way into all of this. Getting involved with MI6. From what you've told me, the boy can take care of his own" Ben quickly interrupted him.

"He's seventeen now, but that doesn't mean he isn't too young for getting kidnapped and leaving him to deal with that all on his own!" he said heatedly, to which the Sergeant brought up a hand in a placating manner.

"The fact that he can take care of himself doesn't mean that he should" the Sergeant said, and now Ben could see that he was willing to help. He understood the great injustice that had been done to the boy by their own government and, apparently, he wasn't okay with it, unlike many other influential people that had turned a blind eye in the past in favor of getting the results they wanted.

"So, can we help?" Eagle asked, hopeful.

"Unfortunately, even if we knew where the boy was taken and by whom, we can't act directly or publicly on Ukrainian soil. Acting without going through the local channels first could lead to an international incident. As I understand it, you were both on vacation, not in any official or even unofficial assignment so you should be protected by the legal procedures involved in such a scenario. You should go to the police, report the attack, the kidnapping. Your status as an ex SAS member should warrant your participation in the search. We will conduct our own investigations privately based on whatever information you're able to provide from the police search. I hope you realize this matter came to us unannounced and we're not a very large base, as you can see. I can't detour my men from their previously assigned missions, but since K-Unit had a few free days, they can assist on the boy's rescue once you've found him. It's the best I can offer" Ben heaved a sigh, at least it was more help than what MI6 had offered.

"I understand, Sir”

He stood up from the bed, satisfied that at least he'd managed to ensure backup once Alex was found, and now aching to get back into town and begin the search. Every hour that passed since the kidnapping, every minute and every second was one that Alex could be facing horrible things at the hands of his captors. Whoever these people were, Ben vowed to catch them and make them pay if they hurt Alex at all. Ben held out his free hand and shook the Sergeant's in a firm grip, thanking him for his help and then he was on his way, along with K-Unit towards the vehicle that would drive them into the heart of Kiev again.

He wasn't sure how they were going to explain what was happening to the police, since he knew the story would sound incredible at best. Four british soldiers reporting the kidnapping of an underage boy, also explaining why they didn't go to the police right away or why Ben was his legal guardian when there were no family ties whatsoever.

This was going to be a very long day. Ben just hoped Alex would be safe and sound back with them by the end of it.

"So where do we start?" Eagle asked. Wolf was the one who answered.

"We'll drop Ben off at the police station nearest to their hotel so he can report the attack"

"And what will we do in the mean time?" this time, Snake.

"We could ask around, see if anyone saw a speeding van going through the city. It was the middle of the night, so the only places that were open and could have people coming in and out of them are restaurants and bars. We'll spread out from where the attack took place and ask around. Thankfully, it was a one-way street, so at least we know which direction the van took once they left" Wolf finished, slipping easily into his role of unit leader.

"We should also keep an eye out for the vehicle itself" Ben added, telling them the license plate number. Then, when everyone fell silent, Snake put a hand on Ben's shoulder.

"With any luck, the police will be able to trace it better than we can and have a location for us to search within the hour" he tried to inspire confidence with his words "For what it's worth, what the Sergeant said was true. He can take care of himself" Ben ran a hand up and down his face.

"You didn't see him when he first came to live with me. He was shattered. Yet somehow he got up again and kept going. Turned his life up again. I'd hate to see what would happen if he falls back into that state. I—“ but Snake didn't let him finish.

"You helped him then and you'll help him now. He won't be alone"

And with that, silence once again filled the space between them. Somehow those words were going to have to be enough to get them all through the day and give them the clarity of mind they needed to focus on finding and rescuing Alex. Failure wasn't an option, and they all knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I can get another few chapters in today... what do you say?


	10. Mr. Boyko

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the action continues!   
> Starting now, things are going to get dark and really bad for Alex. Please be mindful of the tags for this work. I’ll keep updating them when I come across something I forgot to tag, but the most important ones are there.

"Ah, Mr. Boyko! Welcome again" Serhiy Gryglewicz greeted once the man in question entered his office. Boyko wasn't a very talkative man, in fact, he mostly communicated through grunts or movements of his head. He was in his late 40s and sported a bald head covered by an out of date black hat. His hands, badly burnt decades ago, were also covered by black leather gloves and he wore a long coat, opened at the front to reveal a well-built body hidden under yet more dark clothes. His only response was to stare intently at Serhiy, who kept speaking excitedly "I have acquired a new subject and I would like to get started with him right away. You'll find him fascinating. At first, he strikedme as a polite young man, now I get to see I was mistaken, but I see so much potential! You'll enjoy your time with him and I recommend you be as brutal as you can, since I'd like to start my part of the training as soon as I can" he finished.

Mr. Boyko wasn't particularly interested in what his employer would do to the boy after he was finished with him. He knew that Serhiy Gryglewicz liked to toy with the boys he kidnapped until they became a shell of their former selves. Boyko wasn't into that kind of torture, he rather enjoyed more the physical aspect of it, the screams, the pleas, the tears… it was a way to pay back to the world what once had been done to him, and he was exceptionally good at it, hence why this wasn't nearly the first time Gryglewicz hired him to break a boy. He was curious though as to the urgency of the request. Usually the other man let him work his magic in his own time, not rushing things out, so there must be something especial about this new boy that had him disregarding the beauty of the slow process in favor of breaking him quickly. That was okay though, he could do it. As a matter of fact, he was looking forward to doing it and see how much his new victim could stand. This would be fun.

Not that his facial expression showed any of his thoughts. When he grunted back his approval, his eyes remained hard and cold, and not a single trace of amusement passed his features.

"Great" Serhiy said "You'll find the boy downstairs in the room next to yours. Remember, I need him unconscious tonight to begin my part, but hurt enough to not wake up once I start"

And with that, Mr. Boyko left the room to go find his newest prey.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Alex found himself wishing for the hundredth time that he could have at least one of Smithers gadgets with him so he could break out of his prison. He’d tried the door several times. It wouldn't budge. He tried picking the lock with whatever he could use. Nothing worked. There were no windows and no other ways to escape until someone opened that door for him, and that could take days!

So far, it had already been several hours since he’d been brought back in and his rumbling stomach told him it must have been just past midday.

He’d already been working on a plan: attack the first person to go through that door and then make a run for it. He admitted to himself that it wasn't much of a plan, more like a desperate dash for freedom, but he already knew the way out of the mansion, having memorized it on his way in and, unless Ben, K-Unit, or anyone for that matter, came in to rescue him, he could see no other way out.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps out in the hallway and the rattling of keys. His heart began to beat excitedly at the prospect of putting his plan into motion and so he crouched near the doorframe and waited for the door to be opened. When it did, he lashed out with his foot from his crouched position, making a guard fall face first to the floor. He landed another kick to the man's face, hearing a cry come out when the guard felt his nose breaking and smiling at his small victory. Alex stood up fast and didn't pay any more attention to the downed guard, getting into a fighting position to dispose of the second one, that was leveling a gun at him.

Alex felt bold while facing the muzzle of the gun since he guessed the mad man in charge wanted him alive after all, why take him if not? So he sent a kick that collided with the guard's hand, sending the gun flying away from them and disorienting the guard enough to let Alex punch him square in the jaw and then send a knee to his crotch. The man didn't even scream. Gryglewicz was delusional if he thought a few guards were any match for him. From the conversation they'd had earlier, it seemed like his life had been investigated, but he was sure the man didn't know about his involvement with MI6 or that he spent an entire year of his life working as a spy. If he knew, he would've sent more than two guards.

As it was, Alex wasn't going to stay around and ponder on the matter. Once he was sure he could get an advantage over the guards on the floor, he made a run for it, turning right to find the stairs that would lead him up.

He was almost all the way to the top when a dark figure appeared under the threshold. Alex figured it was just another guard on his way down to get him, so he tried ducking under the man's arm to get past him and later kick him in the back, sending him tumbling down the stairs, but he wasn't counting on the man's speed and strength.

When Alex bent down to duck under him, the man simply let him pass and grabbed him by the back collar of his shirt, using his own momentum to spin him around and slam him into the wall. Alex felt all the air being knocked out of his lungs by the impact, and he fought to push against the wall and the man currently holding him in place. A strong arm came into his line of vision and then wrapped around his throat, making him reach instinctively towards it to try and pry it open, but failing once the lock had been secured around his neck. Then his breathing became labored and Alex started to panic. The man had him on a choke hold from which he wasn’t getting out any time soon. 

He used the hold the other man had on him and his own weight as leverage and he jumped, bringing his legs up to push against the wall and maybe make the man lose his balance and loosen the arm around his neck, but the trick didn't work. Either the other man was expecting it, or he was just too big to lose his balance like that. Either way, the man backed up away from the wall so Alex couldn't reach it with his legs and tightened his hold even more. Now Alex could get absolutely no air into his lungs and his fighting became more frantic, more desperate.

He drove his right elbow backwards to hit the man on the ribs, once, twice, three times. He didn't even flinch. Black dots appeared on Alex's vision and his lungs burned for air. The man who’d ordered his capture wanted him alive! What was this man doing then? If he didn't let go of him soon, he was going to die! Alex really didn't want panic to set in so deeply, but he couldn't help it. He could feel his life being slowly squeezed out of him and now he could barely see at all.

Eventually his struggles died down, his arms and legs getting attacked by hundreds of small needle stabs and then being just too heavy to lift. He sagged against his attacker, chest convulsing on its own accord due to the lack of oxygen. He could hear his own heartbeat painfully in his ears, blocking out all other sounds from around him and he knew it was his heart making its last efforts to survive.

Then it all stopped.

The arm around his neck loosened and let go of him completely, making him fall bonelessly to the floor. Even when the last remnants of consciousness of his brain told him he’d been freed, he still couldn't draw a breath and the feeling of choking remained until he finally surrendered to the darkness at the edges of his vision. It was only when he was completely unconscious that his body broke the hold it had on itself and he drew a reflective breath. Small, but enough to keep him alive.

Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to bring him back to consciousness and so, without him noticing, he was picked up from the floor by the other man and thrown over his shoulder. The man who would later become the protagonist of his future nightmares marched his way downstairs as if nothing had happened, his breathing as calmed as if he hadn't just choked someone until the point of passing out.

He descended the stairs and, if Alex had been awake, he would have felt like a pig making its way to the slaughter, which, by the looks of it, he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Boyko... yeah... not a fan of that man.


	11. And so it begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tittle says it all, people. This is the stuff.  
> WARNINGS: for descriptive situations (read tags!). The real “fun” has begun.

Alex awoke to a bucket of cold water being dumped over him.

The change in temperature was so sudden that, for a moment, his body was frozen in place, a gasp barely escaping his lips. After a few seconds though, feeling started to return to his body and he felt like tiny little ants were crawling their way all over it. He shivered.

When he focused the rest of his senses, he was able to notice that he was in a different room. Instead of the bare space and walls surrounding him, he found himself inside a larger room, equipped with a couple of tables to one side, a few machines he had no idea what they were for on the other, and the chair he was currently strapped into. It was the kind that reminded him of a dentist's chair, only bigger and scarier, if that was even possible at all. He knew his situation wasn't looking good right now, especially after he tried to move his arms and legs and found them strapped with leather cuffs to the chair. He was a lab rat all over again and, this time, the shiver that ran down his spine had nothing to do with the cold.

The person that had woken him up so harshly was standing just a few feet away from him, having left the bucket on the floor and staring at him intently, without saying a word.

"Who are you?" he asked, voice gruff, which reminded him of the reason he’d passed out in the first place. The man said nothing "Why are you doing this?"

Still, no answer.

"I'm afraid you're wasting your time" said another voice from behind him, and Alex jumped at the sudden presence. He hadn't realized there was someone else in the room with them and he cursed his rusty abilities to notice details like that. When the person walked into Alex's line of vision, he saw Serhiy smirking at him "He doesn't talk much"

"He can't or he won't?" Alex asked, showing the other people in the room that he was not paralyzed by fear. Serhiy shrugged.

"Probably both" he said, "Let me introduce you to Mr. Boyko" Alex studied him and came to the conclusion that he must have been the man that had knocked him out earlier "He will assist me in your training" Serhiy stated, to which Alex internally groaned. _Again with the training thing_.

"Now you're the one wasting your time. I already told you, whatever you've got planned, it won't work" Alex said, his voice collected.

"Sir" Serhiy added, making Alex frown in confusion.

"Come again?"

"It won't work _, Sir_ " the man repeated and was met with a blank stare from the teenager. "From now on, you will address me as Sir, whenever you speak to me, no matter what you say" he instructed. Alex actually had the nerve to laugh.

"Yeah right. Fat chance old man" he spat, feeling his instincts take over.

"You _will_ learn respect here. Let me explain to you how this is going to work. You do as I say and the pain won't be so severe. Keep up this attitude and there will be no mercy. Discipline needs to be learned the hard way"

"You're mad" Alex said, ignoring the _Sir_ order. He wasn't going to entertain this mad man's antics. A dangerous glim passed over the other man's eyes, and he nodded at Mr. Boyko.

"Keep him company until he calls for me, in the manner I've instructed, or until he passes out" he ordered and then walked away from the room without so much as a glance his way, leaving Alex and the silent man alone inside.

Mr. Boyko moved to one of the tables and picked up a small towel, placing it over his shoulder and then carrying the empty bucket over to a corner, where there was a hose sticking out of the wall. Alex heard the water filling the bucket and he had a pretty good idea about what would happen next, for which he started to get ready by doing apnea exercises that should help him hold his breath for longer periods of time.

 _Keep him company until he calls for me, or until he passes_ _out._ _Maybe_ for the first time, the cold tendrils of real fear started to wrap around his heart. He could not, _would not_ , give in to the man's request to escape what awaited him, partly because he wasn't going to break that soon and because if he gave up on the first command, then harsher things would be demanded of him and maybe refusing those would be even harder than simply refusing to call someone by tittle.

His thoughts were snapped back to his surroundings when his soon-to-be torturer walked back to the chair and made it recline all the way back until Alex was laying horizontally on his back. Despite his efforts, his breathing started to come in short gasps and his heart started to beat faster and faster in anticipation to what was about to happen. When the towel was placed over his face, he had to bite his tongue to prevent a low involuntary whimper to slip out of his defenses. He closed his eyes and started counting to ten to try and keep his mind as calm as possible under the circumstances.

When he reached 8, the water began to fall over his face.

At first, he valiantly kept his mouth shut tightly, his lips pressed together forming a thin line over his mouth. But after a little more than a minute, his body's need for oxygen betrayed him and he sucked in a breath, his mouth inmediately filling with water. He coughed and trashed his head around, traying to dislodge the towel from his face or finding an opening where water wasn't the only thing making its way down. It didn't work. Eventually the only way he could take a breath was when the water in the bucket ran out and the towel was pulled away from his face.

The moment he felt the material being lifted, Alex gulped in a huge breath and then coughed out the water that had managed to break into his mouth. He was gasping deeply and he turned around to see the man walking back to the corner and start filling the bucket again.

His breathing was heavy and he didn't know how many rounds of this he'd be able to take before passing out, because he was sure the only way for the torture to stop was for him to fall back into unconsciousness. He wasn't going to let these people control him and he would try and scape again and again until he made it.

All too soon, his vision was once again blocked by the now soaked towel being placed on top of him and after barely a second, the water began to fall.

He repeated his previous method of keeping his mouth shut as long as he could, but Mr. Bobo (Alex had decided to call him that) decided to escalate the torture and punched him in the stomach. When Alex gasped in surprise, he breathed in a mouthful of water. Instantly panic made itself known as his oxygen supply was cut short sooner than anticipated, and his body started to trash around at the lack of air and the burning in his lungs. He wanted so bad to scream.

 _Stop. Stop!_ He pleaded in his mind. _P_ _lease_ _let it stop!_

It did.

For the second time that day, the towel was removed and he was left there panting, coughing, gasping and jerking his body. He pulled on his restraints, hurting his wrists by rubbing the skin around them raw and cursed out loud. They wouldn't budge.

He heard the water running again from the hose and he closed his eyes. What to do? What to do? He asked himself. Maybe if he agreed and told Serhiy what he wanted to hear, whatever came next wouldn't be so bad and— _No!_ He couldn't show this man he was so easily broken. It had only been two rounds after all. He could take more.

Round number three came and went. Followed by number four and number five. By the time he had to face round number six, Alex's mind wasn't very coherent. He’d latched on to some kind of mantra that helped him keep his sanity throughout the experience of being waterboarded for the first time. _Ben. Ben. Help me. Ben_ He had to believe his friend was alive and that he was looking for him, because to think otherwise would mean losing all hope and that was something he couldn't afford to do.

Then, as round number seven began and his struggles died down, he let the darkness overtake him and save him from yet more torment. He knew he would only wake up later to being trapped in the same situation, but right now he could only be thankful for the bliss of passing out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ache for Alex, I swear I do. I also can’t help but write him into these awful situations. You’ll see what I mean when the rest of the series comes along...  
> The hurt has to come before the comfort, right?


	12. Searching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where things start to get weird...

Serhiy walked into the room and glanced towards Alex. The boy was unconscious, still strapped to the chair and dripping wet from all the water used on the training session. He had brought two men with him.

"Take him back to his room" he ordered the men while he turned to Mr. Boyko to congratulate him on his work. The other man just shrugged. He didn't need praises "You will continue tomorrow morning"

He was dismissed.

Serhiy took one last look around the room and then strode out, walking into Alex's holding room where he had ordered a cot and a thin mattress to be brought in. Alex was dumped on top of it and then the two of them were left alone.

Serhiy came closer to him, knowing he might not have enough time, or no time at all, since the boy could wake up at any minute. Unconsciousness was different for everybody, so he just couldn't be sure how long he had to begin his own phase of the training process. He took off his suit jacket to feel more comfortable while moving around and then picked up a dry towel from the floor. He approached the cot and sat on the edge, taking a hold of Alex's arm and hauling him into a sitting position so he could start removing the boy's shirt. Despite being on a timer, he took his time doing this, appreciating every inch of exposed skin he managed to uncover and reveiling a few marks around the kid's torso that made Serhiy frown in confusion. They were scars.

A cut here, a burn there. Most impressive of them all though, was a bullet wound right above his heart. How could he had gotten such a mark? He was so young.

While he removed the shirt, he used the dry towel to rinse the excess of water from his face, neck and now exposed chest. He kept his movements gentle and slow. This was essential for the process. Once the shirt was removed completely, he laid the boy down again and started drying his damp hair, taking a special interest in the back of his head. The boy was good looking, _extremely_ good looking, and his voice contrasted so much with his age: it was deep and yet young, it was alluring.

He continued his ministrations until the boy was dry and then dumped the now damp towel on the floor, next to the discarded shirt. He had to make sure he took the shirt with him, since the exposed skin was so much better to look at than the now ruined fabric. Feeling grateful that Alex was still unconscious and wasn't giving any indications of waking up, the older man kept up with his work, now carding his fingers slowly through the blond hair and combing it away from the sleeping face. Then his hands started to slide down, caressing the boy's forehead and then massaging his temples in a soothing motion. The key for training to succeed was for Alex to feel comforted by the touch, to feel like, while he was there, in that moment, even unconscious, he was being taken care of, it didn’t matter by whom.

Serhiy smiled widely when the boy unconsciously leaned into the touch of his hand. He realized he didn't have much time now. Alex was already picking up on the touch, so his presence would soon be noticed enough for him to get past the haze of unconsciousness and wake up.

The man kept going though. Five more minutes wouldn't hurt the process, so he slid his hands down and rubbed circles over the young and pale cheek, continuing down with every circle and coming to rest his hand on the boy's neck. For a moment, his thumb played over his throat and his imagination started to run wild. Oh… the things he would like to do right now. But it wasn't the time, not yet.

Lastly, he massaged Alex's shoulders for a minute, making the muscles relax and eliciting a sigh from the young boy. His task was done now and he would leave the kid alone, if only until the next day.

In the morning, when he was feeling confused and vulnerable, Mr. Boyko would work on him again, and then Serhiy had to step in when the boy regained consciousness. He would then show kindness to him and talk about what he expected from the blond next. Depending on his reaction, the next phase could be either hard or hard _er_ , it all depended on Alex now.

Serhiy looked at him. He would make it work. He would.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ben walked into the police station nearest to the hotel after Eagle, Wolf and Snake dropped him off to go get started on their own search. He walked right to the front desk where a man in a police uniform sat behind a computer.

"Excuse me, do you speak English?" Ben asked, to which the young officer nodded "I need to report a kidnapping"

After stating the facts of what had occurred the night before, the young officer at the desk led Ben further into the precinct because the situation was a bit out of his depth. After half an hour of repeating his story to someone higher up the chain, Ben found himself the subject of a very uncomfortable questioning.

"Why have you waited so long to come here?" the officer asked. Ben knew the questions were coming, but he really didn't want to waste any time answering things that wouldn't exactly help find Alex any faster.

"I was shot during the kidnapping and I was hurting. I only thought of calling my friends" he explained, trying to keep his answers as vague as possible.

"Who are your friends, again?"

"My old unit in the Army. I was a soldier in my country not so long ago. Please, we're wasting time. Who knows what could be happening to Alex right now" Ben stressed.

"I understand your concern, but I need to understand first how something like this could have happened. Who would want to kidnap your son?"

"He's not my son, he's my ward. I'm his legal guardian" Ben explained "And I don't know who could've done something like this. If I knew, I wouldn't be here asking for your help. Now, you need to get your people to start moving and find him because the first 24 hours are critical. We need to find him" his tone of voice wasn't exactly rude, but it was firm. Either way, the only thing preventing the police officer from lashing out at him was the concern obviously etched on his face and written into the urgency of his words.

"If you are his legal guardian, how old is he?" Ben sighed.

"Seventeen" that seemed to do the trick.

"Do you have a picture of him? We need to start circulating the photo right away and my officers need to know who they're looking for"

"Yes, yes" he fished his phone out of his pocket and went through the pictures in it. The most recent one was a selfie taken the night Alex's school had won the tournament. The picture portrayed Ben, Alex and Tom sitting around a table full of the best Indian food he'd ever tasted in London. Both he and Alex had been smiling while Tom had made a funny face the moment he took the picture. It was still a great shot and he turned his phone around so the man in front of him could see it.

"We will isolate his face and distribute it. Hopefully it will get a hit"

"What can I do?" Ben asked, a hint of desperation tainting his words. MI6 hadn't been of much help, the Army couldn't exactly show support until he found Alex first, so his only hope was the help of the police, his unit and his own pair of hands to dig through every piece of evidence he could in order to find even the slightest of hints as to who had taken Alex and why; and, most importantly, _where_.

The officer eyed him reluctantly and Ben could only hope the man deemed him qualified enough to contribute. "Here's what you can do…"

They talked for a few more minutes and then it all began: the picture being printed and distributed, officers being sent out on patrol, technicians trying to find any hint of Alex's whereabouts. Ben had to give a full statement and work with a sketch artist, in the hopes thatsome of the descriptions from the men that had attacked them last night would be recognized on the data base and they could start making connections from there.

He was about to walk out of the place and start hitting the streets with a bunch of pictures of Alex in hand when his phone rang. It was Wolf.

He answered while walking down the steps and turning left. According to logic, the van must have driven towards the west of the city, so that's the way he took. Unless the driver of the vehicle had turned and circled back at some point and then make his way to the other side of town, they were bound to find someone that saw or heard something and he was determined to find who.

When he listened to what Wolf had to say though, his hopes faltered.


	13. 10 seconds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be mindful of the tags from this work while reading this chapter. Like I mentioned before, things only get darker for our boy from now own...

Alex woke up sometime in the middle of the night, and the moment he was conscious enough, he shivered.

He noticed a few different things from the last time he’d been awake. First: he was no longer in the torture room. He couldn’t help but feel relieved since it had definitely been a terrifying experience. Second: he was half naked. His shirt had been removed and was nowhere to be seen. This made him feel exposed and he shivered again, not sure if it was entirely due to the cool atmosphere around him. Third: he was laying on a mattress, not exactly comfortable but better than laying on the hard floor.

Alex finished inspecting the room and assessing his condition, releasing a deep sigh when he deemed it save enough to relax for even just one minute. His throat hurt from all the coughing and gagging, and his breathing wasn't exactly smooth and satisfying. He didn't know what the long-term side effects of waterboarding could be, but if that kind of torture happened again, and even more times after that, he would surely develop some respiratory problem if the way his lungs seized when taking a full deep breath now was any indication at all.

He ran a hand through his hair and then up and down his face. He needed to get out of there, but he knew the door wouldn't budge now any more than it had before and something told him the guards wouldn't be taken by surprise again so easily. And then, there was that man. Just thinking about it sent shivers down his spine.

Mr. Boyko, Gryglewicz had called him, had been ruthless and methodical, not once faltering in his actions and not responding to any of Alex's struggles, struggles that had already left red marks around his wrists. He massaged them, being careful not to rub too hard on the irritated skin and then inspected his ankles. The flesh felt sensitive, but they had fared better than his hands, having had the protection of the fabric of his pants.

Alex kept his gaze down for a few minutes, spacing out and letting his mind wander, thinking about what was Ben doing in that moment. Was he looking for him? _Of course he is!_ He answered himself and then expressed out loud.

"Hurry up Fox" he said, still reluctant to use Ben's real name when he was in such an unfamiliar and hostile environment. He hoped Ben would be able to hear him somewhere out there, though he knew how childlike the thought was.

He couldn't tell what time it was, or how long he’d been unconscious. He could only assume it had been at least a couple of hours, but that did nothing to ease his mind. These crazy people could come in and get him for another round in the torture room whenever they felt like it and he would have no say in the matter. He knew he needed his rest; his stomach was grumbling with hunger and, incredibly, he was thirsty. Apparently, having dirty water shoved down your throat did nothing to appease thirst, go figure.

He most definitely would've liked to remain awake, figuring out ways to get out of his current predicament, making another run for it andsuccessfully leaving his temporary prison behind. No such luck though. Alex was tired and he dreaded the moment he’d have to wake up again, but he couldn't ignore his body’s need to rest. He needed to be prepared for whatever they had planned next, because he was determined more than ever not to give Serhiy what he wanted, not that he actually understood what that was. The man was crazy and clearly perturbed. Alex would remain strong and not break under the circumstances.

Focusing back on what he’d been doing before his mind decided to wander off, he looked at his ankles one more time and then something caught his attention, making an idea pop into his brain.

He was painfully reminded of how weaponless he was and how little he had on him: just his pants, underwear, socks and shoes. Nothing else. He couldn't exactly make a weapon out of his clothes but then he thought: his socks… It was the only piece of clothing that he could remove without being instantly visible and he figured it would be better if he did it before the people holding him against his will decided to do it for him. He wasn't sure how they could help him, but he figured they could come in handy later on.

So he removed his shoes, then his socks and put his shoes back on, tying the pair of white socks together and concealing them under the mattress. It made him feel better somehow, knowing something his enemy didn't, even if it was something as small as that.

He laid back down and closed his eyes.

Before he knew it, he was falling back asleep.

When morning came, he was awoken by the sound of the door being thrown open and he was on his feet and facing the newcomers in a heartbeat. He’d been right, the two men that were apparently only tasked with fetching him from his room were already on guard and pointing their weapons at him, motioning for him to move and then keeping a safe distance so he wouldn't try and kick the guns away from their hands.

Alex did what he was told, not wanting to initiate a confrontation right now, but hesitated when he was ordered to step into the room next door. The torture room. At the sight of it, his heart jumped and his step faltered, that's when one of the guards came closer to him and shoved him inside, where Mr. Boyko was already waiting and caught a hold of him, guiding him towards the same chair he’d been strapped to yesterday and forcing him to lay on it again.

Alex began to struggle. Panic taking a hold of him momentarily at the prospect of repeating the previous session of torture. He didn't want to be waterboarded again! But all his struggles did was cause him more pain as a viciously hard punch landed on his stomach and he doubled over, gasping for air and holding his midsection; not that the position brought him much relief because he was instantly pushed into the chair and strapped on again. He was trapped and at the mercy of his captors.

His eyes traveled all the way to the door when Serhiy Gryglewicz entered the room, looking fresh and cheerful, wearing a more casual outfit that the suit he had been sporting the previous day.

"Good morning my dear Alex. I trust you slept well" he asked. Alex squinted at him with a serious expression on his face "No need to look like that. I promise things will get better. You just have to give me what I want now"

"And what, exactly, is that?" Alex asked, trying to keep his rising temper in check. Serhiy smiled.

"I told you yesterday, whenever you talk to me, you must address me as Sir. That's what I want from you right now" the man answered, as if what he was asking was the most normal thing in the world.

"Why?" Alex almost yelled, frustrated at not understanding the game plan behind this whole show.

"Because,” Serhiy started, all traces of cheerfulness leaving his voice to be replaced with an ice cold tone "I want you to"

"That doesn't make any sense! What the hell do you want with me? What are you after?" this was all just too frustrating for Alex. In the past, whenever he’d encountered himself in a situation like this, at least he’d known why the bad guys were hurting him, why they wanted to kill him: to prevent him from ruining their mad plans of taking over the world. But this man was making such strange demands, ones that he felt abhorred to comply, not only because it would mean giving in to his captors, but because they made no sense at all!

"You are here to learn discipline and if you don't do it willingly, you will have to be taught how" Serhiy said "Now, will you call me Sir, yes or no?" Alex looked at him defiantly and despite the harm he was undoubtedly bringing upon himself, he answered.

"No"

"Very well. Mr. Boyko?" Serhiy asked and then Alex's world exploded in a torrent of pain.

"Argh!" the shock was so unexpected and the current had been so high that a raw scream was torn from his throat and he was left panting and shaking long after the cattle prod was removed from his chest. He’d been so focused on his conversation with Gryglewicz that he’d failed to notice Mr. Boyko grabbing a tool from one of the tables and getting within touching range from him to press the painful device against his unprotected skin. He could feel his heart beating erratically, thoughts running wild in his mind, making it difficult to focus on anything else but the pain he was feeling right now. Vaguely, a thought came to the surface that reminded him this was the first time he’d ever been electrocuted, and his heart seizured painfully for something other than the current that had just assaulted him. Fear.

Serhiy smiled.

"Will you call me Sir?" he asked again. Alex tried to breathe deeply and calm down. This was happening, there was no other way around it, and he needed to be strong, he needed to be able to get past the pain and remain firm on his decision. He would not cave to this man's orders.

"No" he repeated, not managing to sound firm and unconcerned, but at least managing to speak at all.

"Have it your way" and he nodded to Mr. Boyko, who readily stepped closer one more time and hovered over Alex, taking his time in deciding where to stick him again with the cattle prod and making Alex squirm with the anticipation of the pain. Without much warning, he struck, and Alex's arm caught on fire while who knew how many bolts of electricity ran through his body. He didn't scream though, not this time, he just grunted and growled, arching his back off the chair and turning to the side as much as the restraints let him, to try and get away from the cattle prod. When it was finally removed, Alex slumped back, chest heaving and eyes watering from the pain. He kept the tears at bay though.

"One more chance. Will you call me Sir?" suddenly Serhiy's voice was near him, and he must have missed the moment the other man walked the distance between them. Alex's hands turned into fists and he regarded Serhiy with the most vicious look he could muster right now.

"N-no. No" a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips when he saw the scowl on Serhiy's face. With a frustrated growl, Serhiy took the weapon from Mr. Boyko's hand and decided to use it himself, thrusting it hard against Alex's ribs and making his back arch in pain again.

"Argh!" he couldn't keep the scream out of his voice when the weapon remained in contact with his body after the first ten seconds. He’dmade Serhiy angry and he was paying for it now. When he removed the device, Alex's body was still locked in a spasm.

"You did it at the hotel, so why not do it now!?" the other man growled, driving the cattle prod into his stomach this time. Alex couldn't breathe, let alone answer back, so he was left trying unsuccessfully to curl into himself when the pain in his stomach became almost unbearable. He moaned when the cattle prod was pulled away and he slumped back, fine tremors running through his body, and his breathing irregular and loud. He glanced up at Serhiy's face, and what he saw now wasn't anger, it was something else, something he couldn't quite place.

The man leaned over Alex, voice deceptively calm.

"I can make you hurt as you've never hurt before" he started to say, running the cattle prod without pressing the button all over Alex's chest, making the blond flinch at all times, not knowing when the device would be activated. "I can make you hurt in places you've never been hurt before" he said, now bringing the weapon down, making it come to a rest over the exposed belly button. Alex shivered and gulped, his heart skyrocketing out of his chest. Serhiy turned on the cattle prod and Alex felt the pain hit him full force on his stomach again "You just have to say it" he finished talking, turning off the current.

"I-I won't sa-say it" Alex stuttered and then screamed when the current was turned on again. This was too much! Alex didn't know how much more he could take. He would either lose consciousness soon or break. He knew it, no matter how strong he wanted to be, this pain was too much for him.

"Say it!" another thrust of the weapon, this time lower, closer to the waistband of his jeans.

"NO!" he yelled back, refusing to cave in. Suddenly the prod was pressed against his leg and the limb went rigid.

"You'll be begging me soon enough" Serhiy stated menacingly. Alex looked down when he felt the cattle prod being dragged further, coming to rest on the inside of his thigh, a strange glee making an appearance in Serhiy's eyes.

"What are you doing?" Alex asked, his voice shaky but determined.

"I warned you of the consequences of not doing as I asked" the older man answered, dragging the device towards a more sensitive area on his leg.

"No. Don’t—agghh!" Alex jumped on the chair, the burning pain in his leg now making the tears welled in his eyes fall down his face.

"You thought I was joking? That I wasn't serious?" another current and Alex was left panting once more.

"I'm n-not going to ca-call you ANYTHING!" he screamed and tried to grab Serhiy's arm, but his restrains prevented him from moving very far. He kept struggling madly, letting his anger fuel his actions but when he felt the weapon slide higher up his thigh, he froze. What was this guy doing?

And then it hit him. _I_ _can make you hurt in places you've never been hurt before_ _._ _And his heart_ all but stopped when he saw the look on the other man's face. "You can't do this" Alex said, failing to sound brave and just managing to sound scared.

"Do what I want and I will stop before I get there" Serhiy answered, now waving the cattle prod dangerously close to Alex's crotch. All rational thought left the teen's mind when he thought about the kind of pain he would feel if Serhiy actually decided to press the cattle prod _there_.

"Don't, you can't do this" he repeated and when the weapon finally came to rest on top of his crotch, he began to hyperventilate "Please! You can't. Don't do it, please!" it was torture, just lying there, waiting for the worst pain of his life to hit him but not quite getting there and just expecting it to happen at any second but having it not happening at all.

"I told you, you would beg" Serhiy kept his finger off the current button but still applied some pressure down, making Alex gasp and try to wiggle out of his reach. "Tell me what I want to hear" he ordered, pressing down even harder, eliciting a grunt of pain from the blond.

"Stop" Alex said, because the pressure was becoming really painful and the prospect of the current being turned on when the device was so forcefully close to him was making him slowly go mad from desperation and fear "You don't have to do this, just stop" and then he really begged "Please, not there. Don't do it there”

"Don't do it there… _Sir_ " Serhiy corrected, but before he turned on the current, he took the cattle prod away from his crotch and thrusted it hardly into his stomach again.

Alex flinched, having expected the pain to be all consuming down there and then having it being all consuming over his stomach rendered him momentarily stunned. Serhiy drove the cattle prod deeper into his stomach, enough to make just the stabbing of it painful, but when the current was left on… 10 seconds, 15 seconds, 20 seconds… Alex couldn’t take it.

Right before he reached 30 seconds and lost consciousness, Alex let out another scream, one that made the pain of his throat mix with the pain of the rest of his body and made fresh tears appear on his eyes. A second before darkness surrounded him, he heard Serhiy let out a strangled sound of his own.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

When the boy passed out, Serhiy had to force himself to stop the current and remove the cattle prod from his body. He was panting and his eyes were glued to the tears staining the blond’s face. He let out another moan.

His body was humming with excitement and his hand found its way down his own lower half. Mr. Boyko had left the room at some point so the only ones left there were an over excited Serhiy and an unconscious Alex.

Serhiy refrained himself from touching the boy, keeping his hands on himself and just looking at him for the fuel that guided his hand up and down, up and down. The boy's time would come soon, but he needed to be awake for that; if not, the training wouldn't work and he would've lost his time.

Tonight though…

Tonight, training would reach its peak and he could hardly wait for it start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts? I know I put poor Alex through the ringer, but bear with me. I promise the comfort part of the story out weights the hurt. We just have to wait a bit to get there.  
> See you soon with a new chapter!


	14. One last chance

When Alex woke up, he was back in his room.

He was laying on his cot, one leg dangling off the edge. His eyes burned with exhaustion and his body felt heavy. At least his breathing was normal.

For a moment, maybe even close to a full minute, he was disoriented enough that he thought he was back home, waking up late from aparticularly hard practice and that Ben would soon be banging on his door and tell him to go out for breakfast. But the knock never came and, as he slowly woke up more, he remembered where he actually was and what had really happened to make him feel so drowsy. He was also reminded of the fact that Ben was nowhere near.

He would have liked to get up from the cot, stretch his legs and walk around the room a little. But he was also content with just laying there, not moving and not aggravating the burns that were surely going to sting the moment he decided to stand up. Being electrocuted sucked.

What he did do, was move his head from side to side to inspect if there had been any new changes to his room. The last time he’d woken up there, the mattress and cot had been added, and his shirt had disappeared. This time nothing had changed, and he was also pleased to see that no more pieces of clothing had been snatched away.

He had literally no way of knowing if it was day or night outside, what with the lack of windows and the fact he was underground. No one had bothered to tell him what time it was when he was being tortured and, until he managed to get out of there, he just wouldn't know.

According to his internal clock, he’d been Serhiy's captive roughly three days now, give or take one, because the moments he’d been unconscious could've been minutes, hours or days. Yet again, there was no way to know.

He was hungry, like, terribly hungry and thirsty. He hadn't eaten anything since the small sandwich they’d given him on his first day here, and his body was starting to feel the effects of inanition. He knew that a small part of his feeling so weak had to do with his empty stomach, and not all due to the electrocution he had suffered earlier.

He contemplated going back to sleep but decided against it. If he was going to be fetched again from his room, he didn't want to be startled into wakefulness. Staring at the ceiling seemed like a great idea now, so he settled for that.

 _What_ _am I_ _doing?_ he asked himself. He was just laying around waiting for something to happen, for someone else to come rescue him.

He was doing nothing. He’d only tried to escape once and since then he'd been really compliant. What was he doing? The truth was, Alex was feeling hopeless. It wasn't the first time he found himself doubting if he would ever get out of a situation alive, but it was the first time he had kind of given up so quickly. Had he grown accustomed so much to his new normal life that he'd lost his survival spark? Since he stopped being a spy, had he lost his touch? With no gadgets on him and having already tried and failed once to escape, was there really any chance at all? Should he go for it again?

Memories of the previous torture session assaulted him and he fought to remain calm. He’d never been tortured like that before and, while the actual torturing was almost unbearable, the waiting was excruciating and he was starting to second guess his decision of antagonizing his captor by not doing what was asked of him.

At first, he’d felt confident that he could pull it off, that it was as easy as _not_ saying a word to remain strong. But then the pain started and the situation changed to being as easy as just _saying_ a word to make it all stop. But, what would come next?

Maybe if he complied now and just did everything that Serhiy asked, no matter what it was, he would be given some space, some freeway to roam around and try to find an opportunity to break out. If that were not to happen, at least the pain would stop.

Fortunately, he was saved from his traitorous thoughts of giving up by the door opening. Unfortunately, the door opened and non-other than Serhiy Gryglewicz walked in, carrying a tray in his hands. Alex couldn't see the contents of the tray, but he figured they were nothing good.

"Ah… good afternoon Alex. How are you feeling?" Alex didn't bother answering back, instead he sat up despite how painful the movements were. Then he regarded Serhiy with a suspicious look. He seemed awfully happy. Alex instinctively dragged himself further to one edge of the cot when Serhiy went and sat on the other one. "Here" the man offered and took a plate and a water bottle from inside the tray where a sandwich could be seen wrapped in a napkin. "You must be hungry" Alex's stomach growled at the thought of food, and he wanted nothing else than to reach out and devour the contents of the plate, but he held it together and continued to regard Serhiy with a distrustful glare."It's not poisoned, or drugged. I promise" the older man assured him, but when Alex still made no move to get it, he unwraped it and took a bite himself. After taking a sip from the water bottle, he offered the items back to Alex who didn’t hesitate to take them this time. He began to eat and despite wanting to go about it slowly, he finished the food all too quickly and downed at least half the water.

Then Serhiy emptied the tray and the rest of the items fell into the cot: a few bandages, an antibacterial swap and a rubbing cream.

"I saw your wrists earlier and I thought we'd better address them before they get infected" Alex frowned. What did Serhiy care if his wristsgot infected or not? When Serhiy offered his hand out, Alex hesitated.

It was such a contradiction that the man who had made him pass out from pain earlier now wanted to take care of him. Alex didn't understand anything about the man and his intentions, but he figured having his wrists taken care of wouldn't cause any further harm. So he extended one of his arms and then Serhiy took a gentle hold of his wrist.

"This might sting a little" Serhiy warned before applying the antibacterial swap to the irritated skin. Alex hissed, but the pain wasn't nearly as bad as some of the things he’d already suffered in the last couple of days. He remained quiet though, because if he didn't talk, then Serhiy wouldn't demand him to say anything and pain could be avoided, for now.

Serhiy's touch was surprisingly gentle. After using the swap, he uncapped the cream and applied it as well, rubbing small comforting circles while he did so. Alex shivered. Serhiy's hand was warm enough that he was reminded of the contrast with his own exposed body and the cool temperature inside the room. Also, he shivered at how eerily soothed he felt by the motion, something that shouldn't have happened in the slightest, but the touch was so different from the pain he’d experienced earlier. At this point, anything was better than that. Then the older man began to talk.

"I really don't get it Alex. Why don't you just do as I say? You could have avoided what happened this morning" he didn't answer but at leasthe had the decency to snort. Serhiy locked eyes briefly with him before releasing his newly bandaged wrist and asking for the other with a wave of his hand "It's so simple, really. Whenever you talk to me, just add a word and then we can keep working from there"

"Working into what?" Alex couldn't help himself from asking. Maybe Serhiy would finally tell him the true purpose of this whole madness.

"I don't think you understand Alex. You belong to me now, I own you. So you don't get to know why I ask what I ask, you just do it and avoid yourself the pain" the moment he heard the word 'own' Alex withdrew his hand quickly, the bandage half wrapped around the wrist.

"You don't own me!" he said heatedly "You're crazy" he stood up and fought a wave of dizziness, but remained upright once it passed. Serhiy stood as well, his face adopting an angry expression.

"I'm giving you one more chance Alex. Do as I say and tonight you won't suffer as much. You might actually like it" they were face to face now and the rage coursing through his veins was making him see red.

"Like it!? How could I ever like this!?"

"You'll see. Trust me" Serhiy said.

"The day I trust you is the day I die" Alex replied firmly, feeling his old confidence coming back to him along with his rage. Then he lunged forward.

Without thinking about what he was doing, Alex attacked Serhiy. All this talk about belonging to him and liking being tortured had only served to ignite the rebellious spark within him. He was not going to be manipulated like that and he was done feeling sorry for himself.

He sent a round house kick forward, aiming at Serhiy's stomach, but the man had incredibly fast reflexes and was able to get out of the way before Alex's foot connected. To Alex's surprise, Serhiy fought back. Alex had made the mistake of thinking the man always hid behind his goons or even behind Mr. Boyko because he wasn't the fighting type. He’d catalogued the man as a rich bastard who could pay whoever he wanted to do his dirty work for him but, as the fight dragged on, Alex could see now that he’d been mistaken. Serhiy knew how to fight and he was quickly getting the upper hand.

Despite having eaten the sandwich, he was still weak and he hurt all over. It didn't take Serhiy more than ten minutes to subdue him and Alex was left panting on the floor, curling around his sore stomach after receiving a hard kick.

"I take it you won't follow your orders, will you?" Serhiy said, gasping for air after the sudden fight.

"No" Alex spat, still on the floor and not making any attempts to move.

"We're just going to have to train you the hard way then" Serhiy said before stepping out of the room.

Alex was left alone once more.

Train him the hard way? Wasn't this hard enough as it was?

The idea of things getting even more painful for him had him sinking back to the dark thoughts he’d been having before. How much more could he take?

If only he had known that pain was going to be the least of his problems. That night his life would change forever and he had no idea what awaited him on the next room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh... that doesn’t sound good.   
> I’d love to hear your thoughts about Serhiy. Personally, I hate him and he’s the worst.   
> Stay tuned for the next update!


	15. Admit it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXPLICIT CONTENT AHEAD! Please, read with caution. What Alex goes through in this chapter is dark and painful.

As it turned out, he didn't have to wait long to find out what Serhiy had meant about training him _the_ _hard way_ _._

After the man had walked out of his room, Alex had picked himself off from the floor and flopped back into the cot. The bandage that had been half wrapped around his wrist had come loose entirely during the brief fight, so he busied himself with addressing the wound before standing up again and starting to pace. It was better he kept moving or his body would just stiff beyond repair.

While he was pacing, he tried the door again, and again, and again until he finally sat back, sore and tired, with a defeated sigh.

From now on, if he survived this of course, he’d make sure he never left home without some kind of gadget that could pick up locks, it didn't matter if it was a metal melting zip cream or something as simple as a paperclip. He would never let himself get caught in such a vulnerable situation again.

When he thought about home, he couldn't help but think about Ben too and how quickly he’d changed from calling it Ben's house to just calling it home. 

When had the change happened? He couldn't pinpoint exactly the first time he’d used that word to describe the place he lived in now, but somehow it felt natural. He started to think about the once unfamiliar house, one that he could now navigate like the palm of his hand. His room, painted a soft blue color and messy on the best of times. He thought about the once rocky relationship he’d had with Ben, and how now they acted more like brothers. Apart from his best friend Tom, Ben was the only other person Alex truly had. Was he dead right now? Was he alive? For all Alex knew, he could be hopelessly alone again in the world and until he got out of that place, he was never going to find out for sure. He needed to leave.

But how? He was out of shape, his reflexes were slow, he was already badly hurt and his captors had learned very quickly how to deal with him and keep him in line. Unless someone found him soon, he wasn't sure he could survive whatever Serhiy had in store for him.

Alex took a deep breath, willing his heart rate to slow down and his emotions to remain calm. He was scared of what the next torture session would bring, he admitted to himself, but at least he needed to keep up a brave façade in front of Mr. Boyko and Serhiy, that way he could at least feel like he was fighting back.

Two hours. That's how long, or how little, he was left alone before he was fetched from his room by the usual two armed guards who alwaysmade sure to keep enough distance from him. He was ordered into the next room and soon enough he was strapped down on the chair again. He wasn't sitting straight up, but wasn't laying completely horizontal either. That way, he had a perfect view of the door, the tables filled with sharp and terrifying objects, whoever stood in front of him or at his sides, and himself. He could see everything except what lay behind him.

The guards left, leaving him alone to begin wiggling his arms and legs, trying to get free. Tugging on his arms was painful, but less so than before, since the bandages provided a layer of protection for his wrists. It was weird, thinking Serhiy had done him a favor by caring for his wounds, even if he’d also beaten him up after that.

When he heard footsteps walking down the hall, coming closer to the room, he surprised himself wishing it was Serhiy and not Mr. Boyko. As much as Serhiy had hurt him badly the last time he'd been here, and that he was the mastermind behind his kidnapping, there was something about Mr. Boyko that just didn't sit right with him. His unnerving presence, the cold stare, his methodical movements and detached manners. Whatever this whole ordeal was, it was just a paycheck to him. Every moment Alex had spent with him, it had been filled with pain and despair. At least with Serhiy, he could sometimes get a breath.

Serhiy talked so much and was so passionate about what he talked about, even if Alex didn't understand anything about it, that it made him the most likely candidate for Alex to try and win over. Play on his eagerness and earn himself some time off. He’d finally decided he would see how far he was willing to go and comply to save himself at least some of the pain. Serhiy, he could try to manipulate. Mr. Boyko, he could definitely not.

It was indeed Serhiy the one who entered the room, though Alex's hopes were dashed when he was followed closely behind by the other man in question.

Mr. Boyko walked directly towards the table to inspect his instruments of torture while Serhiy stood back, watching without comment. Alex remained quiet at first, thinking Serhiy would start the conversation with his usual demand or gloat about what had happened in his room only a couple of hours earlier, but the silence stretched on. The clattering of metal rattled his nerves, and he couldn't take on the silence much longer.

"I have a question" he said, but was promptly ignored. Mr. Boyko seemed to make up his mind about what instrument to use and he came closer to the chair with a small knife in hand. At the sight of it, Alex squirmed. The other man walked towards the bottom of the chair and tugged on his shoes, succeeding in removing them only a second later. Alex's breathing started to quicken, and he tried to recoil his naked feet, but there was only so much room to move around. Alex didn't have to think too hard to figure out what would happen next, so when Mr. Boyko lifted the knife, he blurted out again "I have a question!"

Thankfully, Serhiy held up a hand to indicate Mr. Boyko he could wait.

"And what would that be?" he sounded angry, as if the confrontation they'd had earlier had upset him more that it should have.

"What happens to me if I agree?" Alex asked, trying to sound less desperate and as if he was really giving the thought much consideration.

A glint of hope made it into Serhiy’s eyes. "If you agree to what?"

"To call you what you want. What happens if I do?" the man didn't answer right away.

"You get rewarded"

"Rewarded with what?" Alex asked but then cried out when Mr. Boyko ran the knife along the sole of his left foot "Why did you do that!? I thought we were talking!"

"And I thought I told you to call me Sir every time you did"

"I wanted to know what would happen to me before I decided to do it!" Alex spat, which earned him another slice of his foot.

"You only need to know what happens if you don't" another slice and another cry. Now Alex could feel the blood coming out of the wounds and dripping into the floor. Normally a knife cut was extremely painful, but feet soles were one of the most sensitive areas of the human body; there's a reason why they're so ticklish after all "It's really simple: say the word and you get rewarded, don't say it and you get punished"

"What's the reward?" Alex asked through gritted teeth. As much as reward sounded way better than punishment, a reward coming from a man like Serhiy was something to be reluctant about either way. His question earned him another slice, this time, his right foot, and he groaned in pain. Today's torture session was pretty clear: for every time he spoke without using the word, he’d get a cut. He knew he couldn't keep this up forever.

"Say the word and find out" Serhiy said calmly.

"WHAT'S THE REWARD?" the blond yelled. Why couldn't he just tell him? He cried out again when this time the knife was dragged harder into his heel. Could it be that if he found out first what the reward was, he'd be hellbent on _not_ saying the word? How much worse than this could it be?

Mr. Boyko kept working on his feet, even though Alex hadn't spoken again and now tears were threatening to spill from his eyes. The pain was unbearable. He wasn't even sure he could walk again after this.

_Just say it_ .  _Say it and end the pain_ _. _

Alex closed his eyes. He couldn't decide! What if saying it made everything worse? What if Serhiy was lying and after saying the word there was just more pain?

There was another vicious slice and he just couldn't take it anymore.

"Alright! Okay! I'll say it, just stop it!" he yelled, but the knife didn't stop. Alex frowned and looked at Serhiy.

"Say it then, and it'll stop" Alex bit his tongue. It was now or never.

"Just stop it… Sir"

There, he'd said it.

The three-letter word left a bitter taste in his mouth, as if he'd just agreed to his own death sentence, but at least the knife didn't come in contact with his skin again. He was left panting on the chair, chest raising and falling heavily while Serhiy looked at him with a devilish smile on his face. One that made Alex shiver.

What had he gotten himself into?

"Say it again" Alex frowned but sighed in resignation.

"Sir"

Serhiy narrowed his eyes and then turned to Mr. Boyko. "You can stand down"

Alex sagged against the chair and let out a breath. The torture was over… for now. Serhiy remained quiet after that, walking around the chair and heading over to the table. Alex stiffened at the sight. Would he pick up another tool and reassume the torture himself like did that morning? But he didn't pick up any metal instrument, just a small plastic bottle.

"So what happens now?" Alex asked and Mr. Boyko moved with the speed of lightning, making another small cut in his foot. _What the_ _—_

"You forgot the word" Serhiy explained at his confused stare "Mr. Boyko will remain here to ensure you remember it" Alex sent a dirty look his way.

"So what happened now?... Sir" Alex repeated. Serhiy came back to stand just next to the chair and was looking intently at him.

"Now comes the part I told you, you would like" Alex was confused and he was about to ask another question when Serhiy's hands surged forward and began fumbling with the button of his pants. Alex froze.

"Wh-what are you doing? Argh!" he sent a glare towards Mr. Boyko after the last cut and then addressed Serhiy again "Sir, what are you doing?" by now, the other man had managed to unbutton the pants and was beginning to slide them down.

"Rewarding you" he answered.

Alex wasn't sure what was happening right now, he just knew that his personal space was being breached and he felt extremely uncomfortable and exposed. By the time his brain caught up with Serhiy's actions, the man was already running his hands up and down his chest.

The hands continued to move over the teen’s body, running over his arms, shoulders and neck. The touch made Alex recoil.

Alex was terrified. What the other man was doing was wrong on so many levels his brain was still having trouble processing it all. Serhiy was touching him everywhere and he was panting out of fear. Alex wasn't a guy who enjoyed physical contact that much. His uncle had never been the hugging and loving kind of parent figure a little kid would've liked to have and Alex had never allowed himself to be sentimental about it. Jack had been the only person who never hesitated before showing her love in a more touchy way, like giving hugs or ruffling his hair. Alex just hadn’t grown up like that, and since everything that's happened to him, he took special care of his personal space. He didn't like it when people invaded it, and what Serhiy was doing now was more than invade it.

The way Serhiy was touching every inch of his skin was too… intimate, and no one had ever touched him like that.

"What are you doing?" he asked again, too preoccupied by what was being done to him to care much about the new injury Mr. Boyko had just created. "Stop it, Sir" he said, trying to get away from the unwanted touch but being unable to.

"You're going to like this. Don't worry" Serhiy said, before sliding his hands ever so slowly downwards and tugging on the waistband of his underwear. Alex's eyes widened.

"You can't do this Sir, it's not right!" he stressed, hoping that the willing use of the word would appease the other man, unknowingly provoking the man to act faster.

Alex was panting heavily now. There was no question about what was happening: he was being molested. He was being intimately touched by an adult against his will while he couldn’t even move away to prevent it. Being tortured was one thing… this, another thing entirely.

When he felt his underwear being pulled down completely to rest at the bottom on his legs along with his pants, Alex struggled even harder against his restraints. He saw Serhiy open the small plastic bottle and squeeze some liquid into the palm of his hand. Alex may have had no experience whatsoever, the farther he’d ever gone was kiss a girl on the lips, but he knew what the liquid was and what Serhiy was planning on doing with it. He was starting to get desperate. He didn't want this! If he had known that saying the word would lead to this, he neverwould have done it.

Serhiy spread the lubricant into both hands and placed them on either side of Alex's hips. He started rubbing circles with his thumbs and the blond began to squirm, trying to get away.

"Don't touch me" he said, letting a small cry out when Mr. Boyko pressed hard with his hand on his abused feet "Sir, don't touch me. I don't want this!"

"You will" Serhiy replied and Alex growled out of anger. Who did this man think he was to tell him what he will or will not like? The older man's hands were getting closer and closer to his exposed member and Alex's breathing became more agitated, if that was even possible. Nobody had ever touched him there, and he wanted to cry just thinking about a man like Serhiy being the first person to do it.

Alex was a teenager, so thinking about sex wasn't something entirely foreign to him. He had even imagined what his first time being intimate with someone would be like. He’d always pictured a pretty girl being the first one to touch him like that and he’d even done it himself a couple of times when he started to walk into adolescence. He never would have guessed he'd be violated into his first intimate experience and he felt like crying for not being strong enough to not break under torture. If he had just remained silent, none of this would be happening right now.

"Please, Sir, I don't want this. Don't do this" he begged, because he was desperate to make it stop. The humiliation was too great.

"Aw, but Alex, your body has other ideas in mind" Alex was taken aback by that comment and he looked down to see what Serhiy had meant. His eyes widened at what he saw: his member was half hard and, now that he focused on it, he could feel the build of anticipation pulsating through it. He’d been so caught up in the humiliation of it all, and the fear of what was happening, that he'd failed to notice his body was betraying his mind. He knew he didn't want this, but his teenage body was willing to comply. Serhiy hadn't even laid a hand on it, and his member was already almost fully erect.

"No" he whispered, and gulped when a sudden rush of adrenalin washed over him.

"Don't worry Alex. It's normal. Have you been with anyone before? Do you masturbate?" Alex looked up at the man, unable to answer. How could he be talking so freely about something so delicate? "Just let yourself enjoy this, it'll be better"

"I don't… I don't want to" his breath hitched and then he flinched when Mr. Boyko struck again "Please, stop" more pain on his feet. Suddenly Serhiy's hands left his body, and the man stared down at him with anger in his eyes.

"You're not using the word" he accused, and Alex was able to take a composed breath when the other man's hands remained away from his body. He decided to remain quiet because he wasn't sure how Serhiy would react to anything he might say now, but the small moment of relief was short lived when Mr. Boyko slashed hardly at his right foot.

"Arghhh!" he yelled, and his vision blurred with tears. Once Serhiy's hands had left his body and his immediate concern wasn't being groped by the man, the pain of his feet came flaring back to life.

"You know what happens if you don't use it!" Serhiy said angrily, and now Alex was torn. If he didn't use the word, the pain of torture would return. If he did, Serhiy wouldn't be angry and a happy Serhiy meant a touchy Serhiy. Suddenly Alex realized sickly how the game worked: to keep the pain at bay, he would have to let Serhiy do whatever he wanted with him. How could he make such a decision?

Alex screamed when a finger was pushed into one of the deeper cuts. Apparently staying quiet wasn't an option now either. The finger kept pressing down on the wound, and the tears he couldn't keep holding began to fall down his cheeks.

"Stop! Stop!" he begged, not caring about his honor right now.

"You know how it works" Serhiy said. Alex looked down at the man standing by his feet and saw him raising the knife again to continue with the torture. He knew he couldn't take it.

"Sir! Please, stop it Sir!" he yelled and sobbed in relief when Mr. Boyko took a step back and away from him. Unfortunately, Serhiy took a step forward.

"Now we're going to have to start all over again" Serhiy stated and Alex could see what he meant. His erection had gone down by the onslaught of pain on his feet, but Serhiy was working quickly into bringing it back.

Since he’d already been crying from the pain, it was easy to let out another sob when Serhiy's hands went back to roaming all over him. The problem was, it was a sob of relief. Alex still didn't like what was happening to him, he wished both Serhiy and Mr. Boyko would drop dead right now, and he hated the way the other man's hands were getting closer to his member again, but at least it wasn't painful.

Humiliating, yes. Unwanted, definitely. But not painful. And the minute his brain made the connection, he knew he was doomed.

His body was quick to respond, the erection coming back to life and he gasped out loud when Serhiy finally took it in his hands.

Alex involuntarily arched his back and opened his eyes wide. He had touched himself before, but there was something about it being another person's hand that made the sensations more intense. He locked eyes with Serhiy, and he saw the lust in the other man's eyes. When the hand currently holding him slid up and down, Alex couldn't avoid the moan that escaped his lips.

His body was on fire and his breathing was rapid. There was a fine sheet of sweat covering his body and Serhiy's other hand began rubbing circles on his lower stomach. Alex shuddered.

"You never answered my question" Serhiy said, still looking directly into his eyes "Has anyone ever touched you?" he didn't answer right away because he had trouble making his voice work, but a hard squeeze from the hand stroking him had him blurting the answer.

"N-no, Sir" he gasped, having to clench his hands into fists.

"Have you touched yourself?"

"Yes, Sir" he said, unwilling to think about the fact that he was using the word on purpose now. If he did it to avoid the pain of consequences or to keep the sensations coursing through his body aflare, he wasn't even sure himself. He moaned again when Serhiy picked up the pace and pressed down on his lower stomach. He pulled on the restraints around his wrists and fought to keep his body under control.

"That means I'm your first" the man said around a smile. Alex looked away now, he couldn't stand the other man being so bloody happy about it. Serhiy took advantage of his turned head and leaned in closer to whisper in his ear "I own you Alex" he declared and the blond’seyes filled with rage.

"No, you don't… _Sir_ " he spat back, and the hand stroking him stopped its movements. Alex's body arched in protest and his hips bucked. A groan escaped him and he looked back at Serhiy.

"I own you now, and you better start accepting it" he said as if he had been making a suggestion, slowly reassuming the movement of his hand. Alex pressed his head back against the chair and bit his lip to keep the moan at bay this time. He didn't want to give Serhiy the satisfaction of hearing him like that. The problem was, it was getting more difficult by the second. Serhiy had been stroking him for a few minutes now and the sensations on his body were amplifying fast. If Serhiy didn't stop now, Alex wouldn’t be able to hold back what would surely come next. 

But thinking about stopping made his stomach sank. His body was locked on the pleasure and his hormones were running wild. On one hand, his mind wanted it to stop; on the other, his body didn't.

Serhiy picked up the pace, running his hand up and down the blond’s member faster and squeezing at random intervals. The reaction was instant: Alex gasped, closed his eyes tightly and arched his back off the chair. He pulled painfully on the restraints of his arms and legs, and his breathing became erratical. He was closer now.

"Admit it" Serhiy ordered.

"Admit wh-ahh… admit what? Ahhh” the moans were uncontrollable now. Somewhere at the back of his mind, he registered that no pain had come for not using the word, but the thought was quickly replaced by another squeeze of the hand, and Alex almost whimpered.

"That I own you"

Alex's eyes shut open and he regarded Serhiy with hate.

"Nobody owns me" he snarled but threw his head back with another audible moan when Serhiy stroked him harder. It was getting harder to breathe for him and he felt like he couldn't get enough oxygen into his lungs.

Serhiy kept moving, up and down, up and down. He was almost there.

"Say it!" he ordered and Alex yelled back.

"NO!"

The hand stopped.

When Serhiy let him go, Alex's hips moved forward by their own accord, seeking the lost contact and his breath hitched. _Wha-what_? his muddled brain asked. His body had been at the verge of release and having the stimulation removed so suddenly was so frustrating he had to let out a growl of disappointment. His stomach was spasming and he was panting.

"No… _Sir_ " Serhiy corrected and then Mr. Boyko came forward. Alex had been so close to orgasm that his entire body was pulsing with sensation, all the nerves in his body alive and sensitive, so when Mr. Boyko slashed the knife back into his foot, he let out a bloodcurdling scream.

The pain was all consuming and to have it replacing the amounts of pleasure his body had been receiving sent him into a different kind of frenzy. He yelled and he cried until his voice was raw and his vision swam. He couldn't get enough air and he felt like he was suffocating.

Before he lost consciousness, he heard Serhiy's voice clear through the fog in his brain.

"I own you"

And then everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know... I hate myself too.  
> Also, I think this might have been the longest chapter to date.  
> So, any thoughts?


	16. I own you

_I own you_ _. _

_I own you_ _. _

_I own you_ _. _

Alex woke with a start. He gasped and took a deep breath before releasing it and focusing on his surroundings.

He was back in his room, laying on top of the mattress and facing the ceiling. He glanced down at himself and the first thing he noticed was that his pants were gone. He was only wearing his boxers and a shiver of cold, and maybe something else, ran down his spine. He looked further down and saw that his feet had been bandaged, but he doubted he'd be waking on them anytime soon. He could feel a slight pulsing coming from them and just wiggling his toes made the drying cuts on his soles pull and sting. If escaping had been impossible before, now it was unimaginable. He was trapped. No way out. At Serhiy's mercy...

Thinking about the man brought back the memories of what had happened and Alex had to curl in on himself to lay on his side and wrap his arms around his stomach, willing the nausea to go away.

Shame and guilt were threatening to overwhelm him right now and he felt tears starting to burn in his eyes.

"Idiot" he whispered to himself "idiot, idiot, idiot"

_Of course saying the word would lead to something worse. What was I thinking?_

Part of him felt like there had been no way of knowing what would happen if he caved in, but another part, the one filled with guilt, told him it was obvious nothing good would've come out of it. Serhiy Gryglewicz was a crazy, perverted bastard and Alex had fallen right into his trap: choosing between torture and... and... that other thing. For all the mystery the older man had created around the rules of his game, it had become clear now. Serhiy wanted Alex to become his pet, behave and do everything he asked, be his... sex toy. Alex shuddered at the thought. He hated his life sometimes. Actually, pretty much almost all the time.

The last couple of years had been a blessing, after everything that had happened to him, but now he couldn't even blame MI6 for this! He could only blame himself for being weak, and helpless, and scared. Because he _was_ scared. He was terrified out of his mind that what Serhiy had done to him would happen again and he was even more afraid of what he would do or say the next time he was faced with a torture session.

Serhiy had manipulated him into a compromised situation where he'd ended up being a victim of sexual assault. Just remembering the moment the other man had grabbed his exposed member made his cheeks burn with humiliation but, worst of all, was remembering the way his own body had reacted to it. How on earth could he have been turned on by that? What was wrong with him?

Alex clenched his eyes shut and wiped the few tears that escaped him, before abruptly changing his position and sitting up at the edge of the cot.

He grimaced when he moved his feet and moaned when he placed them on the floor. He’d been right: he wasn't going to walk out of there.

Well, if he couldn't walk his way out, at least he'd fight one last time. It didn’t matter if it felt like making a one last stand, he was gonna make sure he hurt Serhiy, badly, damn all the consequences.  
Alex leaned down and fished his socks from underneath the mattress. He tied one end to the other to make a longer line and then hid it again, closer to the edge and easier to reach. He wanted to kill Serhiy Gryglewicz, even if it was the last thing he did.

He remained sitting for a long time, eyes fixed on the door, as if sensing that it would open at any time to greet him with more pain and despair. He wasn't disappointed. After roughly an hour, the door opened and Mr. Boyko walked in.

For a moment, Alex's heart stopped and his breath got caught in his throat. He scooted back into the cot, away from the man, even though he hadn't made another move to approach him. He just stood to one side of the open door while Serhiy made his way in as well.

Alex let out a small breath of relief and his own contradictory reactions left him almost dizzy. Seeing Mr. Boyko had triggered blind panic, too fresh memories of pain making their way to the surface, but seeing Serhiy had been a sort of relief: he wouldn't be alone with Mr. Boyko. And the picture was so sick Alex felt his stomach roll. Instead of the hatred and disgust he should've, and _had_ felt, at the man in charge, he’d experienced relief when seeing him walk in. Now Alex was definitely sure that there was something wrong with him.

"Alex" Serhiy said. There was a hint of warning in his voice, but his eyes transmitted something different: anticipation and... lust. The blondshivered "I'm gonna make this very simple for you" Alex stared at him distrustfully but remained quiet, not brave enough to speak yet "You're going to have to pick between spending the next two hours with Mr. Boyko or spending them with me. No matter what you decide, you'll be fed and left alone to rest for a while after that. You have one minute to decide"

Alex was speechless. This is what he'd been dreading all this time, having to pick between being tortured and being assaulted. He knew what his mind wanted him to choose, but he was all too aware of what his body was begging him: he couldn't take more pain. He didn't want to take more pain.

Alex closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. This was impossible! Knowing he had little time though, he needed to make up his mind.

"I'm not going to choose, Sir" he said, his voice gruff from all the screaming he’d done. He was careful to use the word, lest he provoked the larger man to attack him right there.

"That's not an option. Choose now or you'll regret it later" Serhiy answered. Alex glanced up at him.

"Sir, I'm gonna regret it either way" he spat, making sure the word was said with as much disdain as he could.

"You have 30 seconds now" Alex's heart was hammering in his chest. What was he supposed to do? He didn't want to choose!

The blond ran a desperate hand through his hair. 

"Ten seconds Alex"

Alex looked up from the floor, his gaze showing rage and a spark of something else, something he hoped the other man would mistake as eagerness but, in reality, it meant determination. Determination to carry on the plan he’d been developing for the past hour.

"You. I pick you" he finally stated, looking directly into Serhiy's eyes. The other man grinned excitedly and clapped his hands together once.

"Excellent" then he turned to Mr. Boyko "You can wait outside while I work" he stated and the other man left, closing the door behind him. When Alex heard the lock clicking, he frowned, but then shrugged. It didn't matter if he couldn't get out of the room after killing Serhiy, he couldn't even walk anyway. It was okay. He was content with whatever happened to him later if it meant bringing Serhiy down with him.

Speaking of whom, the man in question walked around the cot and put his knee on the edgge, directly behind Alex and balancing his weight on it. The blond tried not to flinch too much when Serhiy placed his hands on his bare shoulders. He tried taking a deep breath and going over the plan once more in his brain, but he could feel his heart in his throat, about to burst out.

"You're too tense Alex" Serhiy said, starting to massage his shoulders "Let me explain how this is going to work..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know... really short chapter. But next one is longer, promise!


	17. Nobody owns me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXPLICIT CONTENT AHEAD! We’ve reached the darkest part of the story folks, so read with caution if any of this triggers you in any way. If you want to skip this chapter, then you can get a summary at the end notes so you don’t miss anything.
> 
> Every one of the Warning tags apply to this chapter. Considered yourselves warned.

Alex was fighting every instinct in his body to just get up and run away from the pervert currently massaging his back, not only because his feet wouldn't allow him to get very far, but because he actually needed Serhiy close to do what he needed to do. His stomach kept revolving though, unable to stand the man touching him.

"Mr. Boyko will be right outside the door making sure you behave Alex. During these next two hours, I'm going to do anything I like and you won't fight or resist. Are we clear?" Alex bit his tongue.

"Yes Sir" he answered, shivering when one of Serhiy's hands went from his shoulder to the small of his back, still massaging the sore and stiff muscles.

"You made a very wise choice" Serhiy praised but was met with silence.

Soon his other hand joined the first at the small of his back and they were now spreading to the sides, massaging Alex's hip and running up and down his ribs. Again, Alex shivered and he had to gulp down the bile coming up his throat. He was beginning to regret his plan when Serhiy's hand went searching forward until he was enveloped in a hug from behind, his back pressed against the man's torso. The roaming hands took special care on his stomach and chest, caressing the burns and bruises covering his body while the older man placed his chin on top of one of his shoulders, whispering what he thought were encouraging words.

"I don't want to hurt you Alex. I want to please you and I want you to please me. It's that simple" he said and then started kissing the blond’s shoulder. Alex couldn't stand it.

This was as close as Serhiy would get, so he carefully reached down, hiding his movements from the older man. He took a hold of his socks. When one of Serhiy's hands started to reach under his boxers, that's when he acted.

He brought his hands up and wrapped the tied socks around the man's neck, using up all his strength to pull and choke Serhiy to death. The older man jerked away from him and brought a hand to his neck to try and pry the white material away from his neck.

Serhiy sent a punch at Alex's stomach, but the blond refused to let go of his improvised weapon. But as much as he wanted to remain strong, he was in no condition to do so and as soon as Serhiy made him stand up, he fell right back into the cot with a cry of pain, his sliced feet flaring up with the task of holding his entire weight up. Eventually Serhiy managed to break the hold Alex had on him and he yanked the improvised weapon away. The material was tossed to the ground and Serhiy pushed Alex to the ground.

"You stupid brat!" he shouted and Alex scooted back to the wall to use it as support and try to get up, but a fist to the side of his face made him drop all the way to the floor again with a grunt "I could've made this really pleasurable for you Alex" Serhiy said while fumbling with the button of his pants and advancing in on the blond "This could've gone better"

Alex was trying really hard not to let fear paralyze him. He’d used his last reserve of energy on trying to kill Serhiy and he’d failed, miserably. All it took was standing on his feet to be rendered useless and now he was going to pay the price. It didn't take a genius to understand what the other man wanted to do, and just the thought of that was enough to send Alex an adrenalin rush to help him fight back.

He was not gonna be used like that, damn it!

Serhiy kept advancing, his pants now hanging by his thighs and his underwear the only thing covering his bulging erection.

Alex managed to get on his knees before attempting to get back on his feet, but a hard kick to the side had him curling in on himself, gasping for breath. Serhiy's weight crashed into him then, pinning him to the floor and struggling to maintain his hold on the blond’s flailing arms. Alex grunted when a vicious twist had his shoulder screaming in pain.

"Get off me!" he yelled, kicking at the man on top of him but only managing to aggravate his wounded feet.

No matter how much he fought, Serhiy was a strong man and Alex wasn't in good shape.

He was turned roughly into his stomach with his left arm twisted behind his back and his right one trying to get enough leverage on the floor to throw the man off balance. No such luck though. With a final twist, Serhiy pulled Alex's left arm further back and ended up popping the shoulder out of its socket.

Alex screamed.

Pain blinded him momentarily and a sharp gasp took his breath away. His shoulder had just been dislocated! Now it just hurt too much to move and he was left panting on the floor. Serhiy, on the other hand, took this opportunity to continue with his task, reaching down to pull down both his and Alex's underwear.

"No" Alex complained weakly, still too immersed in the pain radiating from his shoulder. Feeling the cool air hit his now exposed bottom, Alex's heart threatened to burst out of his chest. "Stop!" he growled.

"This is what happens when you defy me Alex! Why do you bring more pain to yourself?" then the older man leaned down to whisper in his ear "Tell me something I want to hear and I'll stop being so rough. I'll make you enjoy it, I promise" he said, stilling his advance on the blond.

Alex was breathing heavily, out of exhaustion, pain and fear, but he focused on Serhiy's words. What did he want to hear? Did he want Alex to call him Sir again?

At Alex's silence, Serhiy bucked his hips forward and Alex stilled, shocked at feeling the man's member poking at him from behind. He didn't want this to happen! How was he going to stop it?

"Wh-what do you want?" he almost begged, unable to even entertain the idea of what was going to happen to him now. Serhiy kept talking in his ear, sending shivers down his spine.

"Tell me that I own you" and Alex whined in frustration, letting his head drop to the floor, pressing his forehead to the ground. So, again, it was a matter of choosing between the failure of caving in, the reproachable act of breaking his will, and being punished with pain.

Though this time, there was no escaping what Serhiy wanted to do to him. Even if he accepted what the man wanted him to say, he would get violated either way, the only difference was how painful it would be. So Alex made up his mind. If this was going to happen, he could handle the pain. He just would never forgive himself if he accepted that another man owned him. Nobody owned him!

Knowing what would come next and already feeling the other man waiting at his entrance, trying to break him apart, he gathered his courage, as little as he still had, and refused.

"No" he whispered, low but steady. Determination set in his eyes. Serhiy looked surprised, but he ended up grinning like the mad man he was.

"Suit yourself" and he pushed forward, burying himself all the way into Alex and making the young boy yell in pain.

Alex felt his world explode in pain, again, and his muscles involuntarily clenched around the invasive member. Fire was radiating from the contact point to the rest of his body and his brain got stuck on the pain. He’d clenched his right hand into a fist that he was pushing against the floor, trying to find a release from the torture happening behind him. Tears pulled in his eyes and he whimpered when Serhiy leaned down to talk to him again.

"Now I definitely own you"

Alex wanted to die.

He tried to brace himself for what came next, hoping Serhiy would be quick and be done with him for a while, but as soon as the man started moving, someone banged on the door. Then Alex heard the distant commotion.

"What the—“ another urgent bang.

The man placed his forehead between Alex's shoulder blades and in one quick motion pulled himself almost all the way out before slamming back inside one last time, hard. He grunted out of pleasure while Alex cried out in pain. "Looks like we're going to have to finish this later"

He released Alex's left arm and stood up, pulling ungently out of him and rearranging his clothes. He tapped on the door once and it openedfrom the outside.

Alex was left panting and shivering on the floor, his body as weak as a rag doll while Serhiy listened to one of his men tell him the reason for the interruption. Alex couldn't hear what the fuss was all about, his blood pounding in his ears and making it difficult to hear anything other than his own ragged breathing. What he did hear, loud and clear, was Serhiy telling Mr. Boyko to keep an eye on him and Alex groaned internally.

After a couple of minutes, there were only the two of them in the room and Alex ever so slowly and painfully reached down to pull his briefsup and cover himself. He couldn't even grasp how hurt he was right now, so he just laid on his side, hugging himself and keeping his gaze fixed on Mr. Boyko. The other man didn't approach him though, just stood next to the entrance guarding the open door.

What could have happened to make Serhiy stop what he'd been doing and leave? Whatever it had been, Alex was glad, even if that meanthe just had something else to dread happening later.

When his breathing calmed down enough and his focus was stable again, he could distinguish more sounds coming from the outside, getting closer and closer as the minutes went by. They sounded like a fight and although no more shots were heard after the first one, it was clear there was a battle taking place somewhere upstairs.

 _Co_ _uld it be the police?_ Alex dared hope.

_K-Unit?_

He was quick to throw that idea away. No sense in giving in to false hope. But there _was_ definitely something happening upstairs and if Alex had been in better shape, he would've taken the opportunity to try and escape. As it was, he could barely move.

Now the sounds were getting closer, and more shouting could be heard. Alex just had time to register that the shouts were in english when all of the sudden Mr. Boyko ran over to him and pulled him off the floor into a somewhat standing position by grabbing his left arm.

Alex screamed, the pain from being pulled by his dislocated shoulder too great to do anything else and the burn he felt inside of him enough to remind him what he would never forget. Mr. Boyko put Alex in front of him to act as a human shield and pulled a knife from his pocket, pressing the edge hard enough into Alex's neck to draw some blood but not enough to damage his throat.

It was a struggle to remain upright, since his feet couldn't hold his weight, so he had to hang on into Mr. Boyko's arm near his throat to avoid falling down and accidentally kill himself by slicing his neck on the fall.

Alex didn't understand what the other man was doing until a group of men, _soldiers_ , made an appearance by the door. He recognized them instantly and fought the urge to cry. They'd found him! As always, Wolf was the leading man, followed directly by Eagle. Snake and another man Alex assumed was Pork, Ben's replacement, walked right by the door and continued down the long hall. Both Wolf and Eagle had their weapons trained on Alex and his captor but they didn't come further into the room.

"Step away from the boy" Wolf said calmly but with authority in his voice while Eagle reached a hand to his ear to speak lowly into his communicator.

" _Target in sight. Basement. First door to the left. Hostage situation_ " Alex’s heart fluttered and it was him who broke the silence that followed.

"Kill him, Wolf" he said, something aching desperation in his eyes "Kill him" somewhere at the back of his mind it registered that Wolf was looking at him as if the man was seeing him for the first time.

"Eagle, stand ready" Wolf ordered, then addressed his words back to the threat "Put the knife down and step away from the boy"

Nothing changed.

Then Alex noticed Wolf regarding him intently.

Mr. Boyko took a step back, dragging Alex back with him and making him slip on his injured feet, eliciting a grunt of pain and forcing Alex to hold on harder into the man's arm. Immediately both Wolf and Eagle raised their weapons higher and took a step into the room.

"Alex” Wolf said, demanding his attention "The knife" he stated simply and then Alex understood. With a quick movement, he let go of Mr. Boyko's arm to pull on the hand holding the knife. "Eagle!" Wolf shouted and the other soldier took the shot.

Alex felt a spray of warm blood hit his face and then he was falling bonelessly to the floor, Mr. Boyko's dead weight crashing into him and jostling his dislocated shoulder. He yelled.

"Cub!" Wolf went to him. He also turned to Eagle, who had followed him in and pointed at the dead body on the floor "Get him away from Cub"

Alex grunted at the pain radiating through his entire body and he was cradling his hurt shoulder with desperation. His body went stiff when he felt Wolf kneeling down next to him.

"Cub, can you hear me? Where are you hurt?" more like, where _wasn't_ he hurt, but Alex answered with another question.

"Wh-where is he?" he asked, his voice strained and his eyes wild, searching the room.

"He's dead" but Alex shook his head, doing a monumental effort to remain in a somewhat sitting position.

"No. The-the other man. He was- he was in charge" his breathing was labored.

"Snake, trade with Eagle. I need you"

"Roger that" and the men in question switched positions. Alex must have missed the rest of the unit entering the room. 

"He's not looking well"

"You have to take him out. Wolf, you have to! Where is he?" his words were becoming more strained and rushed than before and his strength began to falter, making him fall the rest of the way to the floor.

Wolf and Eagle exchanged a look.

Snake took a step forward. "Alright mate. Let's take a look at you. What's wrong with your shoulder?"

"Get away from me!" Alex suddenly yelled, trying to drag himself closer to the wall. It had been an instinctive reaction, one that he wasn't able to control.

"Hey now, it's okay. I won't hurt you Cub" Snake tried to reassure him, but the look Alex sent him made him hesitate at any attempt at making contact again. Alex's mind wasn't exactly in the right place when he began to push himself off the floor, groaning with every move, wanting to get away from any touch directed his way. He knew K-Unit wouldn't hurt him but his body had other ideas in mind. He was locked in a flight response and he needed to get out of that place.

"Cub, what are you doing? You're hurt. Let Snake here take a look" Somehow Alex managed to get on his knees.

"Out. I want out\- Get out of\- I need to—“ but when he tried to stand up, he fell right back down. When both soldiers went to help him though, the blond curled protectively into himself. Wolf let out a frustrated sigh.

"Come on Cub" he said, taking a step towards Alex "You want to get out? Then let's go" and he reached for him, only to have the blondscream in surprise and scurry further away.

" _Wolf!_ " Snake spat.

"What do you want us to do? Wait around all day? We need to go!"

"I know, but—“

"Where is he?"

Ben.

And right in that moment, the blond forgot about everything he was feeling: the pain, the fear, the shame and the guilt. All he could do was stare at the newcomer and gasp at the sudden wave of relief that washed over him. He’d avoided thinking about Fox's probable death because he wouldn't have been able to face it on top of everything that was being done to him on that basement. But seeing him, alive and well, made him forget everything else, reminding him that what he still feared most in the world, even more than what Serhiy had done to him, was finding himself alone.

"Ben?" Alex whispered, his breathing rapid and strained after all the effort of moving around "You're alive”

And that's when his eyes rolled back into his head and he fell unconscious to the ground. The image of Ben rushing forward to him the last thing on his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter summary: Alex chose to stay with Serhiy so he could try and kill him before the man did anything else to him. He failed. Serhiy overpowered Alex and (sorry!) raped him. He was quickly interrupted by a commotion upstairs and went to investigate. Minutes later, K-Unit found the room where Mr. Boyko used Alex as a human shield. The unit killed the man and tried to help Alex but the blond was out of his mind, shying away from them until Ben appeared and the relief of seeing him alive made Alex pass out. K-Unit doesn’t know what Serhiy had been doing to Alex before.
> 
> I think that covers it all.
> 
> I promise Alex’s torture is over but our boy has a loooooong way ahead of him to recovery. Things are going to get angsty, angsty and angsty!  
> The hurt is over people. Let the comfort begin!


	18. Alex!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to post this chapter. Today’s been a pretty awful day 😔  
> Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

"What do you mean we can't go and search?" Ben asked the Captain of the Police department somewhat heatedly.

"Serhiy Grylegwicz is a very powerful man here in Kiev, we can't just knock on his door and accuse him of kidnapping a boy" the other man explained.

That morning, the police had finally been able to identify the van used to snatch Alex from the street and it had surprisingly come out, not as a rental or a stolen vehicle, but one registered to a company owned by Serhiy Grylegwicz. When the news had been shared with him, Ben had been excited to have a lead on Alex, at last! But now he felt like murdering someone because they didn't want to act on it.

"We have a lead and we have to follow it through" Ben insisted, irritation clear in his voice. The Captain glared at him.

"First of all, _we_ don't have to do anything. You're being given special access to the investigation because of your status and the age of he victim, but I'm not about to bring a war into my front door by messing with a man as powerful as Gryglewicz" Ben almost growled.

"So you're doing nothing?"

"Not unless we have more definite proof. We'll keep investigating other leads" the Captain replied.

"The are no other leads!" Ben snapped, incredulity coating his words. This was the first semblance of real evidence they had on Alex's case and after so many days, there was nothing else to hold onto. The other man looked at him with a mixture of annoyance and pity.

"That's my final statement" he finished and Ben knew there was no persuading a man like this: proud of his position and therefor scared to put it at risk.

Without saying another word, Ben walked out of the precinct. He fished his phone out of his pocket and opened a google page, introducing the name Serhiy Grylegwicz and staring dumfounded at the results.

"Hell" he muttered under his breath, recognizing the face of the man Alex had almost ran over at the hotel and thinking it was too much of a coincidence that the van belonged to that same person. He took a capture of the picture and dialed a number.

"Do you have something?" no greetings were necessary. Time was of the essence and everyone else's mind was preoccupied with only one thing: getting Alex back.

"We need to meet" Ben said and started walking away from the Police Station.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The plan was simple, but not less risky if they goy caught. It actually took a lot of convincing on Wolf and Ben's part to get the General of their base to agree to such a clandestine operation and Ben thought he'd never been more grateful to have been part of the SAS corpse before than he was today. The General was a man who understood the value of never leaving someone behind, even if that someone was just a boy who had spent no longer than weeks training in an SAS camp. That didn't mean Alex hadn't fought and bled for his country. It was time to return the favor.

Once they located all the suspect's properties, they focused their attention on the ones showing more activity, disregarding any professional buildings and picking up a big mansion as their greatest chance of finding Alex, if the man had indeed anything to do with him being taken. If not, and they got caught, they would get into a serious international issue where their country wouldn't be able to back them up. They were on their own.

Either way, the General had assigned two teams to deal with the recognizance/rescue mission. One, obviously K-Unit, including their forth member, would lead the search inside the compound while another unit provided cover. They were forbidden to engage in any firefight unless absolutely necessary and their advance had to be preferably undetected. Both units were ready for the job, even if the members of the one providing cover were a little skeptical about how much this rescue mission meant for K-Unit. Either way, orders were given and they had a job to do.

Ben, of course, didn't miss his chance.

"I'm going" he stated when the final plan had been voiced aloud. Wolf turned to him, as well as the General.

"Fox, you're injured and the fewer people on this op the better for everyone involved. I don't think it's a good idea" to his credit, Ben didn't raise his voice or sounded angry at all. He just talked with the confidence of someone used to getting their way.

"This is Alex we're talking about. A bullet to the shoulder is hardly an injury at all. I'm going" he stated firmly. For a minute, both men stared at each other in a contest of wills until Wolf turned to look at the General. Ben might not need the man's approval, but he was certainly under a chain of command. The older man, seeing the determination all over Ben's face, was quick to respond.

"I can't stop you from going, but what I will not do is compromise the integrity of a mission or my men by having a wildcard out there acting on his own" he paused, almost adding to the drama of the moment "If I allow you in on this op, you will follow your leader's orders as if you were still part of the unit. Do I make myself clear?" Ben couldn't help the smile that crept up his face.

"Crystal" and he shook the man's hand. He didn't really care what he was tasked with on this mission as long as he was there to recover Alex the moment they located him. _If_ _he's even there_ , he thought gloomily, but refused to let that thought get a hold of him now. At least they were doing something other than grasping at straws and wandering aimlessly down the streets.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

It was close to 9:00 p.m. when the team of SAS soldiers started making their way inside the huge mansion expanding before them. The members of H-Unit were going to be infiltrating the place one by one and taking out anyone who crossed their paths. Their orders were to restrain everyone and leave them unharmed. In case they were wrong and Alex wasn't there, the people inside the house could always blame this on a robbery. A highly sophisticated one.

They were all pleased to see that there was little security both outside and inside the house. The grounds surrounding the place were deserted and no surveillance cameras were noticeable. Inside, they reduced a few people by rendering them unconscious and hiding them from sight. So far, no one had seen them.

They had an advantage though. They weren't going in completely blind. Wolf hadn't wanted Ben to take part on the action inside the house due to his injury, but he had been tasked with another important job: keeping an eye on everyone. He was using thermal image to guide the soldiers inside the house from a privileged position just outside the compound where he was also keeping the escaping vehicles ready, along with another member of H-Unit. He couldn't really distinguish who was who on the image, but he was able to provide basic info about how many people were in a room and where those people were.

He guided H-Unit to the upper levels where there were a few yellow and red images spread around while keeping an eye on the rest of the house. Buff, H-Unit's medic, remained on the ground level floor providing cover.

"You've got movement on the basement" Ben announced through the system of communicators they were all connected to. He couldn't make out how many people were downstairs because the yellow images were too close together, but it was enough to send K-Unit on their way. If you were keeping someone against their will, a basement would be an ideal place to start looking.

Suddenly, a gun shot went off from the upper level and Ben had to flinch at the noise he heard coming from inside his ear and from far away on the house.

"What the hell was that?!" he asked. They’d been doing an excellent job of infiltrating and searching the place without being detected, now they were only minutes away from someone on the vicinity or even inside the house calling the cops on them and they couldn't afford that! They needed to search the place from top to bottom to make sure Alex was, or wasn't there, before getting out. One of H-Unit's men started explaining that he'd been forced to shoot when someone on the upper level drew a gun on him. Ben couldn't really blame the other man, but this was definitely a set back. Then things started spiraling out of control.

" _We've been made!_ " Eagle's voice announced, not even trying to keep his voice down anymore.

"What's going on?" Ben asked, itching to get inside the house himself. It was Wolf's voice that answered his question.

" _A guard came_ _in from_ _a back door, saw us and ran off. Can you see where he went?_ " Ben searched the thermal image of the house.

"I've got him! Headed downstairs to the basement" Ben couldn't distinguish what was going down in the basement, but he saw the moment the yellow blurry images split into two "You've got someone coming up your way" he announced.

Soon, he heard fighting over the radio and all Ben could see were flashes of red and yellow on the screen near the place K-Unit had been doing their search, divided into two groups themselves. Soon enough, the sounds died down and Wolf's voice came over the coms again, a little breathless but okay.

" _They're down. We're moving forward. Anyone else down the stairs?_ "

"I still have image in the basement. The rest of the house is secure" he announced "He's gotta be there Wolf" he added and could hear the other man's sigh clearly.

" _Fox… he might not-_ " but Ben interrupted him.

"I know. Just… go check"

Ben had to admit he was nervous. This was the last chance to find Alex inside that house and, if he wasn't there… if they had been wrong all along… he didn't even want to think about it. His heart was hammering in his chest as he stared at the thermal images of his friends getting closer to the ones on the basement and he almost burst out of the car when Eagle's voice sounded in his ear.

" _Target in sight. Basement. First door to the left. Hostage situation"_ Alex! Alex was there! He’d been right! But even as relief washed through him during that brief second of joy, fear took a grip of his hammering heart again when Eagle said there was a hostage situation. Alex was still in danger and he was too far away to help. He made up his mind.

He ditched the computer and threw open the door of the vehicle, making his way towards the house at a fast pace. The things he was hearing in the background weren't reassuring at all, but they were enough to get a clear picture of what was happening inside that room: Alex was being held at knife-point and neither Wolf nor Eagle had a clear shot. Also, Alex was in pain.

Ben heard a cry elicited by the young boy and he sprinted faster. Why did they have to park the vehicles so damn away!?

Another shot went out and another scream. Ben almost wanted to scream as well. All this running was doing nothing to help his injured shoulder but he didn't care. He needed to get to Alex.

He could hear that Wolf was having a hard time getting through to him and Alex sounded distressed and somewhat detached. This wasn't good.

He finally made it inside the house and barely spared a glance at the other soldiers keeping the place guarded. He ran towards the basement. He heard a desperate shout and some arguing before reaching the bottom of the stairs and watching Eagle and Pork keeping their stance at the door.

"Where is he?" he asked, not waiting for an answer before making his way between the men and entering the room "Alex!" he exclaimed upon laying eyes on the boy. The very pale, thin and hurt boy. Ben halted when Snake suddenly got up from the floor and put a hand on his chest. He was about to shove the other man away when Alex's hoarse voice came from the floor.

"Ben?" the teen's eyes were glassy and a bit unfocussed. Still, they found Ben's and locked in place "You're alive…" he whispered, but that was as far as he went before collapsing on the floor, unconscious.

"Alex!" Ben surged forward, kneeling beside the blond and hesitating before placing a hand on his forehead. He frowned. His skin felt feverish and sweaty.

"He's out" Wolf announced unnecessarily "We need to go" but Ben didn’t move.

"Snake?" he called their medic over "Is it save to move him? Did you check him?" he asked, not taking his eyes from the unconscious boy laying on the floor.

"He didn't let me, but he was moving around on his own. I suspect his shoulder's dislocated though. I'll just check his ribs and if their fine, then it's safe to move him" he explained before going to work, running his hands over each of Alex's ribs to make sure they weren't broken and wouldn't risk puncturing a lung or something. When he was done, he nodded "We can go"

" _H-Unit, we're coming out_ " Wolf warned the other team and took his position as leader of the retreat.

Ben bent down again and between him and Snake, they picked Alex from the floor and went after Wolf, Eagle and Pork bringing up the rear.

Thankfully their way out was uneventful and when they reached the vehicles, they placed Alex on the back seat with his back resting on Ben's torso and his legs dangling over Snake's.

Their destination was the SAS base, and during the ride, Ben busied himself evaluating every inch of the teen's body, memorizing every bruise and burn and wondering why the hell would someone do this to a boy. What was the point? Gryglewicz had no connection to Alex whatsoever, so what had been his goal?

Ben was glad he had Alex back with them, but he regretted the fact he couldn't get his hands on the man himself. The General had been clear: if Alex was found inside the house, Serhiy Gryglewicz wasn't to be taken as prisoner or hurt in any way. They were operating under the radar and they couldn't have this mission being traced back to them. The consequences would be great, the General had stressed, and they needed to follow their others. Their mission was to get the boy back, and they had done that. Mission accomplished.

Ben couldn't help but regret it though, leaving the man there, as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't done anything.

But what he regretted the most though, was allowing the man to get his hands on Alex in the first place. He’d promised the teen an honestly good vacation trip and he ended up kidnapped and hurt.

What had the they done to him? But they were going to have to wait until they got back to the base and Alex woke up before they could start making sense of what had happened.

As if on cue, Alex stirred in his grip and a soft moan escaped his lips. Ben glanced up and Snake and both men shared a concerned look. The moment Alex woke up he would be in a world of hurt and that was a moment neither of them were really looking forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex is finally out of that hell hole! I cannot stress enough how much Ben suffered in his absence. You’ll understand better later on, when they get home...


	19. Ignoring the problem

Alex was conscious enough to notice movement around him, but he didn't feel strong enough to open his eyes. He could feel hands everywhere, pocking and prodding, and the overwhelming feeling of wanting to get those hands away from him.

But he was also pretty out of it, so he couldn't remember what had happened to make him fall into that state of semi consciousness.

The more time that passed by though, the more he woke up and the more he could be aware of his surroundings. He was also becoming aware of various pains in his body and he let out a groan when a sudden movement made him jerk.

Lights were flashing before his closed eyelids and the sensation of being on the move brought some nausea to his stomach. He wanted to go back to the bliss of unconsciousness, but the world didn't let him.

More hands roamed his body, pressing down on painful spots and, couldn't they understand that it hurt?

A grounding voice sounded next to his ear, and he knew that voice, he knew that he knew it, but suddenly the feeling of someone speakingright by his ear had him recoiling in whatever he was laying on, an unbelievable sense of apprehension coming over him. He wanted to be left alone, he wanted peace and quiet, he wanted—

 _But I own you_ _, a_ voice said inside his head and Alex gasped. He couldn't picture who’d said those words to him but he could hear them so clearly in his mind that they must have been true.

_I own you_ _._

_I own you_ _._

_Tell me that I own you_ _._

An unexpected pull of his shoulder had him opening his eyes wide and strangling a yell. He tried to sit up reflexively but hands refused to let him, pressing down on his chest to keep him laying down and the only thing Alex could think about right now was how much he didn't want to feel any more pain, so in his confused state, he did the only thing he thought would make the pain stop, even if he didn't understand what he was saying at all.

"You own me" he whispered almost unintelligibly and moaned when someone moved his shoulder again "You own me. Just stop... Stop"

If Alex had been truly awake, he would never have said those words aloud and that would've saved him from explaining what they meant to the one person who had managed to understand his mumbling. As it was, he wasn't conscious enough to control what his tortured mind let out and he wasn't even awake enough to remember why he was saying those things at all.  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

When Ben and the Unit arrived at the base, they were met with a gurney and two soldiers ready to wheel Alex into the infirmary. Everyone had agreed that the boy needed more qualified medical attention, a real hospital, but this would have to do for the time being.

Taking Alex to a hospital in Kiev was putting a spot light on them, since Ben would have to explain how he'd managed to get the teenager back. Just as it was, he knew they had a very limited time frame to get out of the country undetected, because the moment someone reported what had happened inside that house, the police would immediately turn to him. They needed to avoid that at all cost, so as soon as Alex was stable enough to move, the General had reserved two seats on a military aircraft headed for England. It wasn't perfect, but it would have to do.

Since the moment Alex had started to come around in the vehicle, he'd been mostly complaining about movement and pain, but now he was also trying to shove the base medic's hands away, though his movements were uncoordinated and sluggish. It was obvious he wasn't awake yet.

Also, he started to mumble.

At first, no real words came out of his mouth that were understandable at all, but as the minutes went by, and the moving gurney got settled into the treatment area, the blond’s voice picked up some volume. Ben couldn't stand watching the teenager go through all that stress so he made sure to stay close and available in case Alex woke up.

After a particularly hard jerk of his limbs, Alex became more restless and Ben came closer to his side and leaned down to give him some reassuring words.

"It's okay Alex. You're going to be okay" he said, hoping the words would register in his own mind as well and that they would also bring some comfort to his ward. Instead, he got a flinch as a response. Ben frowned but had no time to ponder on it when the medic in charge started treating Alex and he began by pulling the dislocated shoulder back into place. Ben had seen the procedure done dozens of times and he'd been in the receiving end of it as well, therefore he knew how much it sucked.

True enough, the pain was so great it was enough to wake Alex up and bring him back to the land of the living. Unfortunately, the procedure was indeed really painful and Alex reacted against it by trying to get away from the pain and getting into a sitting position, possibly wanting to get up and run away. That wouldn't happen though. The medic had Ben helping him keep the blond glued to the gurney while the rush of the moment passed, and his heart ached when he heard the distressed sounds emanating from the boy. Sounds that soon became words and that he was close enough to understand, if only by chance.

"... own me... You 'n me... 's stop... Stop" and Ben was at a loss.

Alex sounded so hurt and broken that it brought memories back from when he'd first arrived at his house, right after Jack had died. Ben didn't even want to imagine what that man, Serhiy, could've done to elicit such a response.

He was all too aware of the items found in the room next to the one Alex had been discovered in, Pork and Snake telling him exactly what they'd seen: a chair, buckets of water, a cattle prod, knives... And seeing Alex's body, it wasn't hard to understand what he'd been through inside that basement. Ben knew Alex was a strong kid, that he'd been faced with impossible situations before and he'd stared at danger right in its face. What he couldn't recall was any time he'd been down-right tortured. That kind of situations brought out horrendous physical consequences, depending on the method of torture used, but, worst of all, it implied some pretty strong psychological ones and those were the kind Ben was truly worried about. Alex's mind had been already fragile as it was, even if the past years had been an improvement for him, so having this happening right now could very well be the thing that broke him. Ben needed to make sure was there to pick up the pieces, because as he’d promised the teen not that long ago, he wasn't just going to leave him.

"You can wait outside now" the medic told him, bringing him back from his thoughts.

"What?" he asked back and when he glanced down at Alex, he noticed the boy had fallen back to unconsciousness.

"I need to make a full diagnosis of his injuries" the medic offered as explanation, and Ben had no other choice but to comply. He placed a hand on Alex's forehead and nodded before stepping away from the gurney. The curtain was pulled closed after him and he was left facing the rest of the unit.

"General wants to see us" Wolf announced and then glanced behind Ben towards the cubicle Alex was being treated in "How's he doing?" Ben turned around and heaved a sigh.

"I don't know yet" it was clear he didn't want to talk much about it either "Let's go" he said, and they left the infirmary to go find the General.  
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

After debriefing the General on how things had gone on the mission, K-Unit was ordered around to do some work or another while Ben was free to head back to the infirmary and check on Alex. When he entered the place, he saw that the curtain was still drawn, but no shadows were visible on the other side. He spotted the medic near a desk and went over to him.

"Daniels" the other man greeted him.

"How is he?" Ben asked.

The medic sighed. "Considering everything he went through, it could’ve been worse"

"That doesn't sound very reassuring"

"Unfortunately, it’s the best I can offer" the man lamented.

"What exactly _did_ he go through?" Ben asked, almost afraid to know the answer. The medic motioned for him to sit down.

"He hasn't said much but—“

"He's awake?" Ben interrupted, a hopeful smile on his face.

"He woke up fully a few moments ago. Like I said, he didn't say much but between that and the evidence of his injuries, I got a pretty clear picture of what happened" Ben made a motion for him to go on, but the other man seemed reluctant to continue.

"Look, I'm his legal guardian and the closest thing to a family that he has. He has no one else. I need to know" that seemed to settle the matter.

"Thankfully, there isn't too much internal damage or deep tissue wounds. Most of it is just superficial, which only serves to know that the people who took him wanted him alive. The most obvious injury was his shoulder, dislocated but already put back in place. That should remain immobilized for at least a week. Then came his feet. There were multiple deep and shallow cuts on the soles and he confirmed they were produced by a knife. We didn't try for him to stand up, but he told me he wasn't able to remain upright on his own while he was held captive" Ben closed his eyes and swallowed. So far everything he was hearing was awful and he knew this was just the beginning.

"What else? From the bruises, I gathered he was beaten. What about the burns? Did they come from—?”

"A cattle prod?" the medic supplied "Yes. He's got burns in his chest and legs. And... I'm pretty sure he was waterboarded"

"What!?" Ben exclaimed, lowering his voice when he realized he’d almost shouted "How do you know? Did he tell you that?"

"I listened to his lungs and I got concerned. He wouldn't talk about it though" when the man didn't continue, Ben made another question.

"And how is he... mentally? How is he taking all this?"

"He's closed off. I assume he's normally not a very talkative boy…" he said and Ben nodded "But his responses are very calculated and short. He's past the initial confused state he was in when he arrived, which is good, but he's closing in on himself. I've seen this on countless tortured soldiers and they were way older than him. He's too young to be going through something like this and he's gonna need help" the medic finished and Ben took that as his cue to go talk to the teenager. He stood up from the chair and shook the other man's hand "He's good to go on the flight to England leaving in a couple of hours"

"Thanks" Ben said and made his way towards the cubicle Alex was resting in.

When he entered, Alex was half sitting on the gurney, his back resting against the raised headboard. His left shoulder had been bandaged and placed on a sling, and his feet had been dressed. Now they were covered in pristine thick white bandages. He'd been given a new t-shirt that was just too big for him and it only made him look younger than he was or, maybe, Ben thought, it made him look exactly as young as he was.

The teenager was indeed awake, but he didn't turn his head to see who had entered the cubicle. Either he was too deep in thought to notice, or he simply didn't care. Ben cleared his throat.

"Alex" he called and caught the young man's attention. When Alex glanced at him, Ben thought he saw some anger flash through his eyes.

"You're supposed to be dead" Alex accused, his voice hoarse and weak, but not less edgy. So he was really angry. What was that about? Ben was certainly confused.

"I'm not" he wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. Was Alex mad because he hadn't died? That didn't make any sense.

"Obviously" Alex spat, breaking eye contact and turning his head away. Ben felt his stomach drop. Never, in a million years, would he have imagined that Alex's reaction would be like this. He'd expected the blond to be, if not happy, then at least relieved to see him. He wasn't stupid, he knew that after everything he'd gone through, it would be difficult to approach him, but he hadn't thought Alex would be simply angry at seeing him alive.

The silence stretched on for a few minutes, Ben standing at the foot of the gurney and Alex with his stare fixed on the wall to his right. What to say now?

"The medic told me some of what happened. How are you feeling?" stupid question alert! But it needed to be asked. Alex huffed.

"How do you reckon?" he said, still not looking at him and with that angry tone in his voice.

"Right” Ben replied, maybe starting to understand where Alex's anger was coming from. Did he blame him for what had happened? For being taken and then tortured? Ben had been afraid this would happen, because he was guilty after all, of not protecting Alex and letting him be kidnapped in the first place "Listen, Alex, I… I'm sorry I let this happen. I didn't want—“

"Shut up" Alex suddenly burst out, displaying a very uncharacteristically rude side of him. The teenager finally turned his head to look at Ben.

"I know you're angry. And you have every right—“ he kept trying to apologize but the teenager didn't let him.

"No" he said, making emphasis on the word by shaking his head "You don't understand…" Alex winced when the movement pulled on the cut at the side of his neck.

"What is it then?" Ben asked.

"I thought—!” Alex started but stopped when a wave of dizziness made him sway on the bed. Seeing his distress, Ben instinctively walked closer to the head of the gurney, reassuring him that he was save here. After a moment, Alex continued, staring right into Ben's eyes "I thought you were dead" he finished, his voice braking a bit at the end, but even though he managed to control it, Ben heard it.

Again, he was at a loss of what to say. Now it made sense. The night Alex had been taken, he'd been shot and left for dead on the street. Alex had had no way of knowing if he'd survived or not, so he couldn't have been sure that there was anyone coming for him. Ben ran a hand through his hair.

"Look, even if I had died, you have to know K-Unit would've come for you either way. They wouldn't have let you in there" he said, thinking those words would reassure the blond.

"But I don't live with K-Unit, do I?" Alex asked through gritted teeth.

They remained like that, staring at each other for a long minute until Alex broke eye contact by letting his head fall back to the gurney. He closed his eyes and cradled his injured shoulder.

Ben took that as a sign that the conversation was over for now and, admittedly, he was glad. They’d been entering uncharted emotional territory and he wasn't sure he was even ready to admit to Alex just how scared he’d been of losing him too.

He cleared his throat and announced he'd go find K-Unit and tell them he'd woken up.

"The guys would like to see you before we go"

Alex nodded but didn't open his eyes, a gesture Ben took for the dismissal that it was before leaving the blond alone to his thoughts.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

When Ben left, Alex opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling.

He wasn’t really in the mood to be seeing anyone right now, but he supposed it would be rude not to thank K-Unit for saving his life and for preventing Serhiy from—

No.

He wouldn't think about it.

So far no one had discovered what had happened in that basement and he would do everything in his power to keep it that way. The medic that had treated him hadn't exactly been thorough, only asking questions about his visible wounds. That was okay though, because if he’dfound out, then Ben would also know and Alex would rather die than have the other man knowing what had happened to him, what he hadn't been strong enough to stop.

After a while, Alex ended up drifting asleep. The medic had explained that he and Ben would be making a trip back home in a couple of hours and Alex could hardly wait. He wanted to go home and take care of a lingering pain he could still feel deep inside him and he couldn't do it here. He wasn't exactly sure what he was supposed to do down there when it hurt so much, but he would figure it out. He just wanted to leave all of this behind.

Little did he know that long troubled nights awaited him even back home, and that the journey to recovery couldn't start by ignoring the problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Alex. I ache for him. I really do.  
> The worst part is that despite how much he wants to, he won’t be able to keep pretending nothing happened.


	20. Home?

The flight home was tense and uncomfortable.

Sitting down on a military aircraft, even if only for a couple of hours, strapped to the side wall of the plane and surrounded by noise and turbulence had been a hard pill to swallow for Alex.

The teen's posture was always rigid, the various bruises and abrasions on his body making it difficult for him to find a comfortable position on the seat, if it could even be called that, and his immobilized shoulder didn't make it any easier. But all those things weren't the only reason why the trip was uncomfortable. Alex ached _down there_ and being sitting wasn't the best way to manage the increasing pain.

During the hours of the flight, he’d tried to find another way around sitting, and when the aircraft hit some turbulence on the way, he couldn't stifle a groan. When Ben had looked over in concern, Alex lied and told him it was his shoulder being jostled and the answer seemed to satisfy the other man. Alex, though, knew differently and he cursed his luck for the thousandth time since waking up at the infirmary in the military base. Oh, how he wanted to get home.

Finally, what felt like millions of years later, the plane landed and they were escorted out of the new military base no questions asked. That had been the only perk of Ben working for MI6 and Alex once having worked for them too. Alex knew his guardian had contacted Mrs. Jones and asked for clearance upon their re-entry to the country. After all, they’d left through the regular channels and came back almost as hidden cargo. Ben had managed to get a hold of their things at the hotel before the rescue mission, so they had their personal documentsback with them.

With Alex's feet as injured as they were, he wasn't allowed to walk long distances, so a wheelchair had been procured to take him from the plane to the car that would be riding them to the center of London, still almost an hour away. He protested at first, but after walking a short distance, he gave up on the pain it caused him to put his full weight on his feet.

Once in the car, which came with its own driver, Ben took the passenger seat while Alex got somewhat comfortable on the back. He appreciated the space that allowed him to find a position that wouldn't put much strain on his bottom, so the pain was manageable during the ride back home.

Except when Ben shook his shoulder to wake him up they weren't at the front porch of the older man's house. For a moment, Alex was disoriented and didn't recognize where he was, until he woke up more and then frowned.

"What are we doing here?" he asked, and his voice might have transmitted how displeased he was with the idea if it still hadn't sounded so sleepy.

"I think that's obvious, pal. Come on" a slight panic started building inside Alex and he had to strain to keep his breathing under control and not reveal how much the thought of being examined again scared him.

"But I was already checked at the base" he stated before Ben got out of the car and walked to open his door and help him out.

"The medic barely had time to make sure you were good to travel. We needed to get out of the country ASAP. He didn't have time to really take care of your injuries"

"But—“ the teen tried to argue, even if his voice had gone a little weak. He thought he’d gotten away with hiding what happened to him back at the base, now he had to avoid the doctors here finding out too.

"No buts, Alex" Ben said with finality while he helped the blond get out of the car and into the wheelchair offered by an orderly at the emergency entrance of the hospital. Alex tried the last desperate argument he could think of to try and get out of the situation.

"I'm not covered to attend this hospital anymore" he said in a whisper. Ben placed a hand on Alex's shoulder while the orderly started wheeling him inside.

"I am" Ben replied "and so is every member of my family" _then he added a bit awkwardly, “_ Since you're my ward, you're covered too"

There was no other argument Alex could use after that, so with a resigned sigh, the small party of three made their way into St. Dominic's Hospital.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

He was admitted without any questions from the administration personnel as to where or how he’d gotten his injuries, which was the advantage and usefulness of that particular hospital, and he was quickly placed into a private room in the area of the hospital reserved for patients with a 'special status'. It was an area he was way too familiar with, though the thought wasn't reassuring at all.

"Are you okay?" asked Ben after staring at him for a while. Alex was sitting rigidly in bed, not leaning back to rest against the raised headrest, using his free hand to play with the hem of the blanket covering his crossed legs and staring intently at the front wall.

"Fine" was all Alex said, without turning to look at him.

"I don't think they'll keep you here overnight" Ben tried to be reassuring. Their plane had landed when the sun had just risen from the horizon, so it was still morning when they'd made it into the hospital. If all went well, Alex's wounds would be properly taken care of and, according to what the medic on the base had described, his treatment shouldn't be anything they couldn't handle back home.

"Hmm" was all he said.

Suddenly, the door swung open and a doctor walked in, holding a chart in his hands and offering them a gentle smile.

"Good morning. Alex?" he greeted, offering a hand to the blond. Alex shook it but said nothing in return "I'm Dr. Gale and I'll be the person treating you for today" then he turned to Ben, who stood up from the chair.

"Hi. I'm Ben Daniels, Alex's legal guardian"

"Nice to meet you" they shook hands. So far, Alex still hadn't said a word. The doctor turned back to him.

"So, I've been reading your chart and it says here you've already been examined after the incident. Is that right? I assume that's why your shoulder's been wrapped" incident, Alex thought. That was one way of putting it. He nodded but Ben was the one who explained what the medic at the base had done.

After he’d been told everything that had gone down while Alex had been a prisoner ( _NOT_ everything!), including the extensive list of injuries he sustained, the doctor asked Ben to step out of the room so he could begin the physical examination.

"I'll be right outside" Ben said, regarding Alex with a reassuring look. The blond only nodded, not even looking at him because he was afraid his eyes would betray how nervous he really felt at being faced with another examination. The first one had been bad enough, and he had a feeling this one would be even worse.

After they were left alone, Dr. Gale put on a pair of gloves and approached the bed. Alex involuntarily tensed.

"Okay. Let's start with taking a look at that shoulder. I want to make sure it was set properly. Why don't we get rid of that shirt?" Alex silently nodded and with the doctor's help, removed the military grade t-shirt he'd been given back in Kiev. His body shook with a chill and Dr. Gale put a hand on his left shoulder before beginning to unwrap the sling and dressings "Don't worry, this won't take long and then you can get dressed again. It's chilly in here, isn't it?" the doctor asked.

"Yeah" Alex said. So much for conversation.

Dr. Gale worked on his shoulder and made him rotate it to see how much mobility he had before grabbing new dressings and immobilizing the shoulder again. It would be painful for a while, but there hadn't been major damage.

Then came the feet. Nothing much to be done about that but disinfect the wounds again, though they were leftbunwrapped to make the cuts get some air and start the cicatrization process. He was to stay completely off them while they were unprotected.

So far, the examination had gone smoothly, not that Alex still didn’t hate every second of it but, at least, nothing drastic had happened. That was, until the doctor decided to inspect the burns scattered on his body.

"Can you tell me how you got these?" the man asked, after having made Alex lean back against the raised headrest. Alex protested the position at first, feeling uncomfortable and vulnerable in it, but soon gave up, knowing that the sooner the doctor finished the examination, the sooner he'd be sent home. He cleared his throat.

"Cattle prod" he answered, keeping his gaze fixed on the ceiling above him. Alex's heart had been beating faster than normal since the doctor first walked through the door, but now, laying down on a hospital bed wearing only his boxers and waiting for the other man to examine him was making his heart beat wildly. It was taking a lot of effort to just stay still. He was out of the basement now, in a hospital, no need to be feeling so scared. Right.

"Most of them aren't really serious" the doctor explained, and Alex noticed a subtle change in the man's tone of voice. A quick glance down made him see a concerned face hovering over the visible burns in his upper chest. The blond guessed that no matter how cleared the doctor was to treat these kind of injuries, seeing them on someone young was definitely a shock "Can you tell me, from one to ten, how much do these ones hurt?" he asked, signaling to the burns on his chest. Alex took a moment to think.

"Five, maybe" Dr. Gale pressed down the flesh around the ones in his stomach, making Alex gasp at the sudden contact and turn his shaking hand into fist at his side.

"These ones?" he asked, making then some notes on the chart. Alex cleared his throat.

"Se-seven" he answered. The doctor nodded.

"I'm sure they're painful, but they're really superficial, which is good. I'll send a nurse in later to spread some medication over them" Alex didn't reply, gaze still fixed on the ceiling. He was proud of himself for keeping it together this long, until the doctor asked his next question "What about the burn on your leg?" Alex glanced down sharply.

"What?" he asked.

"The one on your leg, how much does that one hurt?"

"Not much" Alex lied and flinched when the doctor pulled the fabric of his briefs up to examine the burn. The injury was located on the inside of his thigh, pretty high up his leg and Alex remembered the agony he felt when the cattle prod had made contact with such a sensitive area.

"Are you sure? This one looks a bit worse than the rest" and then he took a hold of Alex's knee to pull it up and away from his body to give himself better access to the burn. The movement made Alex tense and when he felt the other man's hand prodding around the burn, so high up his leg, he couldn't hold back the flinch, instinctively raising his back from the bed and pulling his legs closed. At the doctor's surprised look, Alex was quick to stammer.

"So-sorry. I guess it does hurt" he said as way of explanation, even though his reaction had nothing to do with pain.

"It's okay. We'll get it sorted too" the doctor said, a suspicious frown on his face before moving up to examine the last burns, the ones on his lower stomach "You can lay back down" he prompted and Alex reluctantly did, making sure to keep a tap on his breathing, lest it become too agitated "These ones have a lot of bruising around them" the man continued, prodding the flesh around the burns, following the paththey draw over Alex's stomach, from his belly button until they disappeared beneath the waistband of his underwear.

Alex’s breathing had gotten harsher and his nostrils flared with the effort of bringing it back to normal. He was failing though.

The doctor kept prodding the burns on the blond’s lower stomach, continuing down until he reached the hem of his boxers and began to pull them down, if only by a fraction. But the moment he pressed down around one of the lowest burns, Alex’s hand shut forward and stopped the man’s movements. There was a hitch on his breathing and the doctor looked up to see Alex's red rimmed eyes staring back at him with a pleading look.

Alex couldn't help himself. He just couldn't stand another person's touch so close to him even when he knew the touch wasn't meant to hurt him. He knew the cattle prod had made its mark pretty far down, so much that, at the time, Alex had begged his torturer to stop. Serhiy hadn't gone as far as to send a shock directly over his member, but he had come pretty damn close. Now, having felt another hand reaching so far down and pulling on his underwear made his heart flutter and his breathing stop. Now he could only hope the doctor would attribute his reaction to the pain of the burns and nothing else.

"Okay. I supposed that would be a 9 or a 10?" the doctor asked. Alex breathed a sigh of relief and let go of the man's hand when the doctor withdrew it. He nodded and thanked the man when he put the blanket back over his legs "I'm just about done here. We'll take care of the burns in a little while, yes?" again, Alex nodded his response.

Finally the doctor said his goodbye and left the room, closing the door behind him. Alex didn’t think for a moment that his ordeal was over.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Ben perked up when the door to Alex’s room opened and Dr. Gale walked out. His spirits fell when he saw the expression on the other man’s face.

"Everything okay?" he asked.

"Mr. Daniels, I'd like to have a word with you" the man said ominously and guided Ben farther away from the door to not risk Alex hearing what he was about to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be so hard on Ben...


	21. Like family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a nightmare to edit. The PoV kept jumping from Ben to Alex and it was a mess. I still don’t think I got it right though, but at least it should be better.

"Is everything okay?" Ben repeated his previous question, which had gone unanswered, and watched as the doctor struggled to find his words.

"Overall, he's fine. As fine as one can be after having sustained injuries like that" Ben sighed. The diagnosis was the same as what the medic at the base had told him.

"So, what's the problem?" he asked, because there was just no way that everything was _fine_ and the doctor wanted to have a word with him.

"How much do you know about what happened to him while he was in captivity?"

"Everything I know, I told you before" Ben replied, still at a loss as to why the doctor looked so grim after the examination "Did you find something else?" he asked. Maybe the medic at the base had overlooked another injury. Dr. Gale answered with another question though.

"Has Alex really talked about his experience there? What he went through?" now, that question was odd, Ben thought. But, thinking back on it, he realized Alex hadn't openly talked about what he'd been through. He hadn't wanted to press the kid until he was ready, so Ben hadn't insisted either.

"Not really" he answered sincerely "He's kind of just confirmed the picture we all put together with the evidence"

"Ah…" Dr. Gale said pensively.

"Doc, what's going on? I thought you said he was fine?" Ben was starting to get impatient.

"Okay, listen. I'm not sure about anything yet, so this is just an idea based on a few strange reactions Alex had during the physical examination"

"Okay…” Ben motioned for him to go on.

"Do you think—? Is it possible—?" the man seemed to have troble finding the right words which only served to rattle Ben more. "While he was captive, is there a possibility that he could've been hurt some other way? Like, could he have been molested or sexually abused?" he finally asked and all color drained from Ben’s face.

"What? No” Ben answered hastily "He never said anything like that and there was no reason to believe something like that had happened"

"Yet you've told me he actually hadn't said anything about anything" the doctor countered and Ben found himself opening and closing his mouth several times without having something else to say. Could it be possible? Alex would've told him if something like that ever happened or… would he? He knew the kid was proud and he wasn't exactly emotionally open with anyone, even if Ben was as close to him as one could get to a boy like Alex Rider.

Seeing his struggle, the doctor told him about the examination and the way Alex had reacted to his prodding around certain areas. How tense he'd been at being touched or examined at all and that even if some reluctance to being touched was to be expected from someone having faced recent torture, he couldn't help but wonder at the possibility of something of the sort happening.

"Did you ask him?" Ben asked, his voice tight and a little higher than normal. The doctor shook his head.

"He was starting to develop a mild panic attack and I wanted to speak to you first. You're his legal guardian, so his care or any medical decision has to go through you first. I would recommend doing a full bodily search in case he's hurt in places we can't easily see. An injuryof the sort left untreated can develop into a dangerous problem in the near future" he finished and Ben ran a hand up and down his face, still trying to wrap his mind around what the doctor had just said.

"Do you really think that's what happened?" now Ben's voice resembled a whisper.

"I can't be sure, but I know it's better to be safe than sorry. I think you should talk to him first, though. Maybe find out through him if something like this actually happened. I might be wrong and simply misinterpreted his reactions" Ben gulped and then nodded.

Dr. Gale gave him some time to speak to Alex, saying he'd go and check on other patients before coming back to see them. Ben took a few moments to wait outside the room though, not sure how to even begin to approach the subject. This was bound to be one very awkward conversation.

He finally went back into the room to find Alex much in the same position he'd been at the base’s infirmary. His left arm was back in a sling and he was resting against the raised bed. His eyes were staring at the ceiling except, this time, when Ben entered, he wasn’t ignored. 

"Hey buddy. How did it go?" Ben asked, trying to keep his tone light.

"Fine. When can I go home?"

"I'm not sure. The doctor didn't say" Ben replied, then walked over to the chair he’d been occupying before. There was a long silence between them that was eventually broken by Alex, who hadn't failed to notice the concern on Ben's face.

"What's going on? What did the doctor tell you?" Ben glanced up to stare at him for a full minute before answering and he only did so after Alex had to say his name again in order to get him to spill whatever was worrying him so much. Ben cleared his throat.

"Emm… Al… I was wondering… the doctor thinks that… maybe something… when you were—“

"Ben!" the teen called to halt his guardian's rushed speech "I don't understand. What are you saying?"

"Did something happen? While they had you, something else, aside from the torture…" Alex suddenly stilled, his breath halting for a moment.

"Something like what?" he asked, his voice wound so tight it didn't even seem his. Ben also seemed unable to meet his eyes, even if Alex was staring intently right at him.

"I want you to know that you can tell me anything Al, you can trust me and if anything _did_ happen, I'm here for you, okay?" when Ben finally looked up to meet Alex's eyes, he found the teen sitting completely rigid on the bed, no longer laying back, his breathing fast and short. When he saw the terrified expression on his face, Ben immediately got to his feet and approached the bed "Alex?" but the teen flinched when he meant to put a hand on his shoulder.

"Why did you ask that? What did the doctor say?" by now, Alex had visibly started to shake.

"He thinks you had some pretty strong reactions to being touched or prodded in certain places and that maybe that was a consequence of being… of maybe having being… molested?" he finally asked and he saw the mortified expression on Alex's face. His cheeks turned bright red and Alex looked down into his lap, where he had transformed his hand into a now shaking fist.

"I wasn't… no… Nothing happened" Ben saw the blond’s eyes watering and he put a hand gently over his to envelop his shaking fist.

"Alex" Ben called, managing to draw the kid's attention. The look on his face just about broke his heart "It's okay" he said, to which Alex just shook his head, bringing his eyes down again.

"No, it's not" he said, voice gruff "It's not what you think. I can explain. The doctor, he's wrong" he looked up again and Ben could see the desperation in those eyes and hear the pleading in his words. _Drop it_ _,_ Alex seemed to beg, which only served to confirm what the doctor had suspected.

"Please, Alex. Don't lie to me. I want to help you so, please, don't lie" that seemed to do it, because a sob finally broke past Alex's defenses and then gasped sharply. So it was true, Ben thought sadly, as if things hadn't been bad enough "What happened?"

"I was stupid" he declared and Ben frowned "He-he said the pain would stop if I did what he asked but-but he lied! He lied! And I had to… if I didn't, the pain was too much. I'd never… not tortured. Not like that but… the alternative, it was worse and I was an idiot!"

"Calm down" Ben said, seeing how worked up Alex had gotten with the explanation "What did he do, Alex?" the teen lifted his head and now he had tears running down his cheeks. Ben could only brace for the worst as Alex began to explain.

"He-he touched, _everywhere_. I didn't want him to, I swear! But I was strapped down and I begged him, Ben, I begged him to stop but he wouldn't" Alex's distress was getting worse, but Ben needed to know one more thing before calling the doctor back inside so they could address this new issue. Clearing his throat again, he gathered the nerve to finally ask.

"Did he force himself on you, Alex?" the blond let out another sob and brought his hand up to take a fistful of his hair and rest his elbow on his knee. He nodded, letting out a string of apologies mixed with hiccups that he could no longer contain.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Ben. I'm sorry" the older man felt his own tears starting to pool in his eyes and a wave of rage mixed with sorrow hit him full force. What the hell was the kid apologizing for? Ben walked the rest of the distance to stand right next to Alex, not caring about respecting any personal space now and put an arm around the kid's shoulders, taking a sit next to him on the bed.At first, Alex tensed but after Ben’s next words he melted into the embrace.

"It's okay. I've got you. It wasn't your fault buddy, you've got nothing to apologize for" another sob wracked his form and Alex pressed himself harder into Ben "You're going to be okay and I'll be here every step of the way" but then Alex shook his head, surprising them both by talking again.

"Why?" he said, voice hoarse from crying "Why do you care so much?"

"Because you're like family, Alex" he replied, his voice also heavily charged with emotion.

Alex didn't say anything else after that. They stayed like that for the better part of half an hour before Ben got back on his feet and Alex ran a hand over his wet face. He’d stopped crying, but the remnants of his tears were still very much visible.

"I'll go get the doctor then. Are you okay?" Ben asked.

"Can't we just go home?"

"Doctor needs to do a _full_ check over" he answered, giving Alex a meaningful look and then he cut the kid off when he’d been about to protest "Does it hurt?" he asked bluntly "And don't you dare lie. Does your backside hurt?" Alex quickly shut up and looked away, clearlyembarrassed. He nodded "Then I'll get the doctor" Ben said with finality. Alex nodded again and wiped at his eyes. Ben placed a hand on his shoulder before leaving and gave him a reassuring squeeze "You'll be okay"

Ben left the room.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Alex couldn’t find it in himself to answer back and just watched as Ben left the room, the door closing slowly behind him. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down. It was bad enough that he'd completely broken down in front of Ben, no need for the doctor to see him so disheveled as well.

Thinking back on their conversation, maybe Ben finding out wasn't the worst thing that could've happened to him and this time he had to swallow a lump in his throat at remembering the encouraging words the other man had said.

_Because you're like family_ _. _

And Alex couldn't help but think that, in the midst of all the unlucky things that had ever happened to him: his parents dying, his uncle too, the missions, Jack… Ben had been the only silver lining of it all. A realization that comforted him as much as it terrified him, because it provided the universe with another way of hurting him if things ever went wrong between them or if Ben woke up one day to realize that Alex was just an inconvenience.

For now though, he’d try to keep those pessimistic thoughts out of his mind. He had enough problems to deal with now, specially when the doorknob turned and Ben made his way back inside, followed closely by Dr. Gale, who carried a suspicious kit that didn't look reassuring at all.


	22. Not good

After the doctor walked in and placed the rolling tray near the end of the bed, ha apologized for what had happened to Alex and tried to reassure him that they would take care of everything as quickly as possible so he could finally go home.

Then, he started making very uncomfortable questions.

"Was there penetration?"

"Yes" Alex didn't want to meet anyone's eyes, specially not Ben's.

"What exactly do you feel inside your anus?" Alex's face turned bright red at the question.

"I-I don't know. It burns. I guess" he didn't think it'd be possible to feel any more embarrassed.

"Did the man use any objects?"

"No"

"Did he use his fingers or—?" Alex was starting to regret ever confessing the truth.

"He didn't do it with his fingers" he stated sharply, annoyed and embarrassed at the same time, hoping his answer would make it clear to the doctor about what exactly Serhiy had used to assault him.

"I'm sorry, Alex. I know this is a difficult subject for you, but I need to know some things in order to have a clear picture of the possible injuries you may have. As much as these questions are uncomfortable, the sooner we get them answered, the sooner you can be treated" Alex looked up at him and through the haze of embarrassment, he nodded his understanding.

"I know" he answered softly and then looked at Ben before settling his eyes on his lap again.

"Buddy, do you want me to step outside?" Ben asked.

Alex looked between him and the doctor. Was he mortified that Ben was hearing the answer of such personal questions? Absolutely! Did he want to be left alone inside the room with the doctor again? Definitely not!

"It's okay" he said, and the interrogation continued. The doctor decided to start with an explanation this time.

"You know, forced penetration without stretching methods or any kind of lubricant can be extremely dangerous, not to say painful" Alex didn't need to be told that one "So, the burning you're feeling is probably due to irritation or even tearing of the skin inside the anal walls. If left untreated, they can become infected" he finished and Alex knew it was his turn to talk. The doctor wasn't openly asking him what had happened, but he got the memo either way so, with a resigned sigh, he told them.

"He didn't use lubricant or any stretching or whatever. It didn't even last that much anyway. He… he pu-pushed in a few times before the rescue party showed up" he said, willing his heart rate to slow down. _They already know what happened. What's a few more details?_ he thought.

"Alright then" Dr. Gale proceeded "I brought a rape kit with me so we can take samples while we treat the injury" Alex's head shut upwards after those words and he instinctively backed up on the bed.

"What?" he asked alarmed, and Ben took a step forward due to Alex's sudden panicked question "I don't need a… a ra-rape, rape kit. I already know who did it, we don't need samples of that" he stammered quickly, almost choking on the word ' _rape_ ', not having really used it before to described what Serhiy had done to him. The doctor held up his hands in a placating manner.

"Please, calm down, Alex. You may know who assaulted you but you're a minor and I'm obligated to collect an evidence kit in case there's a prosecution at some point" Alex was shaking his head, not willing to concede the man a point.

"You would have to look inside and I don't want you to" he said, satisfied when his voice didn't break or hitch. Dr. Gale regarded him with a pitiful look.

"Alex, I'm gonna have to either way. I just told you these injuries can't be left untreated. If they become infected, you risk having to come back to the hospital with a more severe case. You need to be properly cleaned and disinfected-"

"I can do that myself, thank you" Alex said purposefully, regarding the doctor with an intense glare that was meant to express how much he wouldn't let another person near him again, not like that.

"Alex…" Ben started, but the blond was having none of it.

"No, Ben! I can't go through that again! I won't let it!" Alex was kneeling on the bed now, dangerously close to the edge in his haste to get away from the foot of it, where the doctor was standing.

"Nobody's gonna hurt you here. I promise" Dr. Gale intervened. Alex gave a loud snort.

"Yeah, right! That's what he said! D _o as I say Alex and I won't have to hurt you_ " he said sarcastically, making the words sound like a commercial on T.V " _Say what I want and I'll reward you!_ _It'll make the pain stop!_ "

"Hey, calm down. Alex, you need to calm down" Ben tried, exchanging a worried look with the doctor.

"I'm getting out of here" the blond suddenly stated and swung his legs over the side of the bed, not giving anyone the time to react and stop him before he placed his feet on the floor and stood up.

Instantly, a wave of dizziness hit him, making his vision go dark for a few seconds and he cried out in pain when his brain finally caught up with the fact that he’d put all his weight on his wounded feet. His knees buckled and he would've fallen to the floor if Ben hadn't reached him in time to break his fall.

Not really atoned with his surroundings, Alex flinched away from the touch, beginning to fight against it until Ben had no other choice than to deposit him slowly on the floor, bending down to kneel at his side. Dr. Gale stuck his head out of the room and into the hall, calling for a nurse.

"Hey, hey. Alex? You with me?" the blond’s breathing was agitated.

"I don't want them to touch me. Why are you letting them touch me?" he asked accusingly, unaware of how much his words stung the older man and not caring how vulnerable they made him look. Ben swallowed hard.

"Nobody's touching you right now, bud" he said calmly, but in his panic, Alex wasn’t able to grasp the meaning of those words.

To Alex, it was as if he was back in that basement, Serhiy and Mr. Boyko hovering above him and waiting for the next oportunity to hurt him. Ben wasn’t in that room. The doctor was also gone. And Alex felt like he was alone all over again.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Ben stared worriedly as Alex backed up against the wall and a shiver ran down his spine. After all, he was only dressed in the same filthy underwear he'd been on while he'd been kidnapped. His upper body was bare, as well as the rest of his legs.

This isn’t good, Ben thought.

He yanked the white blanket from the bed and held it towards Alex. The younger man though, instead of seeking the comfort, let out a strangled yelp and tried to scoot even farther away.

"I don't want this" Alex said softly, his eyes wild and unfocussed "I don't want this" he repeated.

"It's okay Alex, it's just a blanket. You're shivering" the blond shook his head energetically.

"Don't touch me. I don't want this" Ben frowned. Alex wasn't making much sense now.

"Al? Look at me, come on" he prompted.

"Don't do it. I don't want it" it was like he was answering someone else. Like he was having a conversation with someone else.

"What is it? What don't you want?" Ben asked, dread settling over him. He could hear distant paces getting closer to the room.

"Don't make me!" Alex growled.

"It needs to be done buddy. They have to treat you" both Ben and Alex looked up at the same time Dr. Gale reentered the room, followed by two nurses. When the teenager saw that many people getting closer to him, he finally lost it.

"NO!" he yelled, bringing Ben's attention back to him, startled by the sudden scream.

"Mr. Daniels, if he doesn't calm down, we'll have to sedate him" Dr. Gale said, making Ben's stomach drop and renewing his efforts to try and get through to Alex.

"Alex, listen to me. You're safe here. Slow down your breathing" but it was useless. The stressed teenager began to move awkwardly away from Ben and the people behind him again, even if there wasn't much room he could use to move around, and brought his free hand up to fiddle with the sling and bandages of his left shoulder. He began tugging desperately on them, letting out painful moans when his shoulder was jerked.

"Stop! Get away from me!" he yelled again, kicking his legs out. Ben had to drop back a few steps to avoid getting hit and he was starting to lose his cool as well.

"What are you doing, Alex? Stop that!" all the boy was doing was managing to hurt himself further by trying to get rid of the sling.

"That's it. We can't have him injure himself further" Dr. Gale announced, advancing on the teen. Ben had to try one more time before allowing such desperate manners to be used.

" _Alexander John Rider!"_ Alex gasped and looked up at hearing his full name. Ben wasn’t sure what he had expected, but seeing tears fall down the blond’s eyes again hadn’t been his intention. Regardless, Ben noticed the tiniest spark of recognition in his eyes.

"Ben. Ben, you have to help me" Ben let out a relieved sigh when Alex finally recognized him, and he approached the boy once more with careful movements as to not upset him again.

"It's okay. I'm here" he replied, offering his hand for Alex to take, which he did and soon Ben found himself enveloped in a one-armed desperate hug. Alex latched his free arm around Ben's neck and held on for dear life, still glancing wearily at the people behind them.

"We need to go" Alex said, almost in a whisper and speaking in a rush "They're here and we need to leave. They want to _do_ things, Ben. Let's go!" for the tenth time, Ben felt his stomach drop. Alex had recognized him, yes, but he wasn't quite back with them. His mind was transforming the situation into a dangerous zone and while he’d let Ben in, it hadn't been enough to get him out.

"Alex, you need to snap out of it. We're safe here. No one's gonna hurt you" Alex tightened his hold.

"No! You don't understand! Please Ben, please!" Ben felt tears wetting the fabric of his shirt before Alex let out the first sob. Followed by another, and another until he was unconsolably crying into his shoulder. He had given up his vigil over the people standing mere footsteps away from them and buried his head into Ben’s chest, hiding himself from the world. He continued to cry and plead, and he didn't stop until Ben finally made up his mind. He glanced up at the doctor and nodded. Alex was too agitated and nothing he'd done had helped calm him down. They were on the floor, Alex was shivering and shaking from cold and heartbreaking sobs, his feet were probably getting infected, his shoulder had been jostled and his mind was almost unreachable. Worst of all though, he was suffering and Ben couldn't keep watching that.

Dr. Gale carefully approached with a syringe in hand and Ben brought Alex closer to him, putting a hand at the back of his head and locking him in place while murmuring soft comforting words to him.

"It's okay. I'm here. You're gonna be okay" his own voice was tight, but he kept on until the doctor successfully injected Alex with a mild sedative that would put him to sleep for a few hours. Ben felt Alex's weight gradually getting heavier and his breaths a lot less labored up until the moment he was completely unconscious in his arms. Dr. Gale put a hand on his shoulder and together, they carried the teenager back into the bed.

"Mr. Daniels… Ben, I have an idea" Dr. Gale said and after hearing what the other man had in mind, Ben put a hand on Alex's forehead "We would need your permission to do so"

"Do it" Ben said, before he could change his mind. It was better to let the doctor work now that Alex was sleeping and would remain like that for a while. He could deal with an angry Alex later, but he couldn’t stand watching another episode like this one happening because Alex wouldn't let anyone near him.

While he waited outside, Ben's uneasiness turned into blind rage when he replayed everything that had just went down. He wanted to murder someone with his own hands, preferably the bastard that had dared violate his brother —HIS WARD— his mind quickly corrected, but then he figured he didn't care about the slip up. He’d already told Alex he was like family. Might as well start calling him like it too.

Right then, he swore he would get his hands on Serhiy Gryglecwiz no matter how, and he would make him pay for hurting Alex the way he did. He would even go to MI6 and ask for the mission if he had to, but he had to do something!

When the door to Alex's room opened again and the doctor and nurses filed out, he went back inside. He stood vigil over the resting boy on the bed and fished out his phone from his pocket when it buzzed with a text. It was from Snake.

* _Hey. Coming home in two weeks. How's Cub?_ *

How was he supposed to answer that? He was glad his friends were coming home though. He knew they'd been at the end of their stay in Kiev, but he hadn't really known when they'd be sent back.

* _Not good. This one's gonna be hard_ *

He texted back, now taking a seat and bouncing his leg up and down. He still had too much energy and pent up anger he needed to let out. His phone buzzed with a reply.

* _We'll help. See you in two_ *

* _See you_ *

And with that, he settled in for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The worst part of my writing is over people, I promise! After this chapter things like rhythm and pacing and PoV should be less awkward because I actually took a class about it :)
> 
> Updates should be even more frequent now because I won’t have to edit the original work so much, if at all.
> 
> See you in a few minutes with the next chapter!


	23. It means nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, another quick update. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this one and if maybe you notice the slight change of pacing in the narrative. I’d just like to know so I can keep learning.
> 
> Enjoy!

_The hand kept sliding down, making circled patterns as it traveled down his stomach and further until the hem of his underwear stopped it. But the hand refused to stop, so the next second found him naked, without the obstruction of the garment and the hand kept its progress. He breathed deeply, trying to control his racing heart. Somewhere, at the back of his mind, he wondered why he felt so nervous when he was obviously enjoying himself and the answer became clear to him when a voice that hadn't sounded before made an appearance somewhere above him._

_'Say it!' it was an order and the voice sent chills down his spine._

_Say what? He wanted to ask, but his voice was preoccupied with making very different noises coming out of his mouth. Somewhere along the way, the hand that had been traveling down his body made contact with that part of him that wouldn't stop pulsing and his thought processing, along with his ability to speak, where rendered almost useless._

_'Say it!' again, that order. Say what? Say what?!_

_The hand wouldn't stop moving and his voice kept making that noise. Was that a moan? How could he sound like that?_

_Suddenly, pain._

_When the hand currently holding him gave a particularly hard twist, the sound that came out of him wasn't so much a moan as it was a complaint. Why the change in pace? He got nervous again._

_'Say it!' this time the order was followed immediately by the painful grip and he began to feel the first tendrils of fear in his heart. Who was doing this to him?_

_'Say it!'_

_He tried to say something, anything, when the pain turned up a notch, but his voice just wouldn't do as he wanted, even if he'd known what the faceless person above him wanted him to say._

_'Say it and I'll stop'_

_Stop? Why would he want it to stop? Sure, the last few strokes had been a bit hard, but he_ _ ’d _ _been enjoying himself before. In fact, he still was, now that whoever was above him returned to their previous ministrations. Soon enough, his voice began making that noise again, a noise that meant he liked what was happening. But, did he?_

_'Say it!' a new sudden pain. A slice on his foot. He tried to pull away but couldn't. This new pain was different, sharper, and not pleasurable at all. The previous one had at least been that. The hand kept holding him though, moving slowly and quickly at the same time. It was good._

_'Say it!' a slice and, this time, a scream. It hurt, bad. What was going on? Say what? He wanted to ask but, again, his voice was only good to complain between unintelligible words._

_'Say it!'_

_I can't!_

_A slice._

_A stroke._

_A scream._

_And a moan._

_What was going on?_

_'SAY IT!' an electrical shock. Finally, his voice worked._

_'Stop!' he decided he wasn't liking this anymore. The pain that followed the pleasure was too much to handle and the pleasure simply not worth the trouble._

_'Just t_ _ wo _ _options here: say it or suffer' more pain. No pleasure._

_'Stop, please!' he couldn't move to get away, he was strapped down._

'Wake up'

_'No!' a flinch._

'Come on, you have to wake up'

_'Stop, stop' tears pricked his eyes. He wanted it all to stop._

_A face hovered over him, this time he could recognize features and the picture he got made him trash harder against the man's touch._

_'Get off! Get away from me!' he yelled, not realizing he was starting to move his arms and legs._

'Come on Alex, you're okay. You're home' he began to register that the voice was different. This one was calmer, softer. But it was still close, too close.

As he continued to wake up, Alex's eyes adjusted to the semi darkness of the place he now recognized as his room. His breathing was rapid and his heart tried to gallop out of his chest. He was tangled in the sheets of his bed, sweat covering his entire body and a fine tremor running through him.

"Al, are you with me now?" he looked up to the person currently holding him by the shoulders and let out a shuddered breath when the face that greeted him wasn't the one that had been on his mind. He went to sit up and Ben helped him retain his balance for a second.

That's when he felt it.

He swallowed and looked down rapidly, making sure nothing was visible under the mess of covers around him. Then he looked back up. His guardian was watching him with concern in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" Alex couldn't even begin to answer that question.

"Please, leave" he requested, as calmly as he could, even though he was starting to hyperventilate.

"You need to calm down first and change your shirt. You're dripping wet" Ben answered instead, and Alex went into a panic attack when Ben made to grab the covers of the bed to pull them aside. He quickly caught his hands.

"It's fine. Leave it" he said, voice urgent and hard.

"It's too hot in here and you're sweating. You need to change"

"I don't care. Now, leave!" Alex swore he didn't want to be so rude with Ben but the man was being difficult, yes, out of worry and affection, but difficult and he wasn't leaving. Alex needed him to go.

"Do you want to talk?"

"What?" couldn't the man take a hint? Of course he didn't want to talk. Not _right now_. "Ben, I just want to be left alone" he was still worried about what he could feel between his legs and having Ben around wasn't helping him deal with the situation.

"As soon as you calm down and start breathing properly, I will"

"GO!" Alex roared, taking Ben by surprise. He needed to be alone right now and Ben definitely didn't need to find out what had happened because of his dream. Being embarrassed at the hospital was enough for one life time.

"What's wrong, Alex?"

"Nothing! Just… just get out of my room, okay? I want to be alone" he answered back, frustrated beyond belief.

"You know you don't have to, right? Be alone, I mean" Ben was trying really hard to be there for him, he knew it, but he just couldn't take it right now.

"Jesus!" Alex exclaimed and made a haste decision to get out of the bed himself, making sure to wrap the sheets around himself well enough that nothing was visible underneath him.

"Hey, where are you going?" Ben asked.

"You wanted me to change, didn't you?" the teenager spat and walked past the older man towards the bathroom at the end of the hall. He angrily closed the door behind himself. It wasn't long before Ben's footsteps followed him and stood just outside the bathroom.

"Let me know if you need anything" he offered.

"God! Ben, just go back to sleep already. I'm fine! It was just a dream" Alex knew he was acting like a brat, a very selfish one, but he figured he was entitled at least one tantrum until he figured out how to deal with his current situation in the least traumatic way.

Alex had his forehead pressed against the door and he waited for the now silent Ben to walk away from the bathroom and towards his own bedroom before he allowed himself a moment to breathe deeply and calm down his racing heart. What he didn't seem able to control was the pulsing going through him and originating down there.

With a long exhale, he let the sheets drop to the floor and looked down. Under his sweat pants, his hard on strained, almost painfully so. With shaking hands, Alex pulled his pants down and stared at himself.

It had been 10 days since he'd been let out of the hospital. His shoulder had been let out of the cast and his feet were able to support his weight for longer periods of time. It had been 10 days since he'd been home and yet, even after the multiple nightmares he'd had, some just waking him quietly in his room and some needing Ben's help to get through, this was the first time his body had reacted to any of them.

It wasn't the first time he had a nightmare about Serhiy touching him like he had inside that basement, but it was the first time he woke up with an erection as a result from that. Alex kept staring down, disgust evident in his eyes. What the hell was wrong with him? How could he be turned on by remembering what had happened to him? How could his body be excited about the ghost of that man's touch? And, worst of all, why wasn't it turning down?

Alex fisted the front of his shirt as he let himself slide down to the floor with his back against the wall, knees bent over and legs spread in front of him. He waited several minutes but the longer he stared at himself, the more anticipation he felt and as he began to accept what he would have to do to make the problem go away, he felt his throat constrict at the thought.

He raised a shaking hand and brought it closer to him, almost afraid to touch himself. What on earth was he gonna do? He closed his eyes.

"Come on Alex. This is nothing. It means nothing" he told himself, his voice as shaky as his hand that finally wrapped around himself. He gasped, his breathing picking up the pace. He stayed like that for some time, not sure how much, but he didn't dare move anymore than that. _It's not like I haven't done it before_ _,_ he thought but no other time had it felt as wrong as this one, and no other time had he felt like he couldn't stop what he was doing either.

Ever so slowly, he began to move his hand up and down, wanting this to be over already but locked on finishing what his dream had started. He made sure to keep his mouth shut, not letting out any of the noises that had plagued his nightmare and, above all, not wanting to attract any attention. He kept the pace until his body demanded more and threw his head back against the wall, biting his lip in the process. At least it would be over soon.

Eventually he felt the rush of a building orgasm and knew that he wouldn't be able to stop even if he wanted to. Suddenly, his mind flashed back to the dream and, from that, to the actual memory of the time he spent captured. Images of Serhiy and the other man, the torturer, running through his brain making him gasp and open his eyes wide, but, for the life of him, he couldn't stop his hand. The memories of the pain, the violation of his will, of his body, the blood, the shocks, it all came back to assault him just as he was reaching his peak and he watched in horror as his hips moved forward on their own accord and he let loose the product of his touch. He laid there panting on the floor, his vision blurry with tears that made him mistake the droplets of release with drops of blood that eventually turned back to being what they actually were: a shameful part of himself.

When he felt the first gag, he was driven out of his stupor and he launched himself a the toilet, heaving until he let go of whatever he'd had that night for dinner, the acid burning his throat as it went out and his eyelids squeezing the tears out of his eyes to run down his face.

He couldn't believe he’d done that! What kind of sick human being was he to be able to do that after everything that happened?

He stayed on his knees, dry heaving until his stomach hurt and there was nothing left to give and then he sank back to the floor and he let himself cry. Cry like he hadn't been able to do since he'd gotten home because he'd been almost numb and too concerned with trying to seem like he was on his way to mend for Ben's benefit more than his own. K-Unit was supposed to be home soon too and they'd surely want to see him so Alex had wanted to heal as much as he could before that, so they wouldn't have to see him as vulnerable again as he'd been the day he'd been rescued.

He cried for what had been done to him and for what he had just done. He cried because he knew he needed help but he didn't know how to ask for it. And he cried because he was tired of being who he was. He was tired of the pain, the loss, the danger, the fear. He just wanted it to stop.

He must have stayed in the bathroom for at least a couple of hours. He was actually impressed Ben hadn't come knocking on his door after hearing him throw up like that, or maybe he'd been asleep and hadn't listened. He got up from the floor on shaky legs and decided to just take a shower right then and there. He let the cold water wash the remnants of his actions and bring some alertness to his eyes. He definitely didn't want to go to sleep again that night.

When he stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, he glanced in the direction of Ben's room and silently thanked the door being closed. He then went back to his own to put on some clean clothes. Glancing at the clock he saw that it was nearing 4:00 a.m.  Alex sat down on the floor by his bed and picked up his phone. He would kill time until it was time to actually wake up and he began his search on the internet app of his phone.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

By the time Ben knocked on Alex’s door when morning officially came, the blond was sprawled on the floor, sleeping on his side with his knees tucked into his chest. Ben heaved a sigh and closed the door. Alex needed help. That much was clear, and Ben began thinking he would need some help too if he wanted to be there for Alex to get through it all.


	24. Aye, aye!

Alex walked into the kitchen just as Ben was finishing breakfast. There was a plate of buttered toasts and some jam and when he sat down at the table, the older man put a glass of water in front of him.

"No oranges today?" they usually had breakfast with orange juice.

"The acid wouldn't be good on your stomach right now, and you need to keep your fluids up. So we're having water today" he answered like he hadn't been talking about what had happened during the night.

"Right" so he knew the blond had thrown up.

They ate in silence. Alex didn't feel like talking but the silence was getting uncomfortable and someone had to break it.

"I have to go back to work next week" Ben announced.

"Okay" was all Alex said, not looking up from his food. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. Ben cleared his throat.

"But the guys will be here by next week. You won't have to spend so much time on your own while I'm at the bank" somehow the mention of the bank made things worse. It always did. Alex swallowed a piece of toast.

"I don't mind being alone"

Silence came back for a little while as they finished eating their breakfast. Alex felt awkward and guilty because he knew he wasn’t making things easy for Ben. Alex was a difficult person, he always had been, but somehow they’d managed to learn how to live together and find a dynamic that worked for them. Lately, though, that dynamic seemed broken. Alex didn't talk much, almost never left his room. He wouldn't go out with Ben to buy groceries and he hadn't hung out with any of his usual friends from school. He supposed ten days was still too early to have things going back to normal, but he didn’t like the idea of letting Ben down because he wasn’t strong enough to recover from this.

"Do they know?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"The unit? No, they don't. I wouldn't say anything about it without your say"

"Good, because I don't want them to know. I don't want anyone else thinking I'm a broken freaking toy" Alex responded with actual heat in his voice and the admission left a bitter taste in his mouth. He didn’t miss Ben’s sympathetic look.

"No one thinks you're broken, Al" he answered solemnly. _I do,_ Alex wanted to yell, but he didn't.

"Good"

When he finished eating, Alex washed the plate and went back to his room with no other word. 

This seemed to be his new normal.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

In the early days of the following week, Eagle made his way into the house. Whenever the unit was allowed to go back home, Eagle always crashed at Ben's and Alex's place, since he lived so far away from London. Wolf and Snake shared a condo in the outskirts of town.

Ben let their friend into the house and helped him get his bags into the guest room. It was still morning and Alex hadn't come out of his room. Ben was glad though, because he could use the time to explain his friend how things had been going since coming home from Kiev.

"He's mostly just quiet and hidden in his room. Doesn't want to go out, barely eats. I'm worried we're not doing things right over here" Ben confessed.

"I suppose these things always take time. Do you remember the first time you got him?" asked Eagle, uncharacteristically serious. Ben remembered, of course he remembered, the first time Alex stepped foot into his place as his new ward.

"Somehow I feel more at a loss now than I felt then"

"Give him time mate. What happened to him was wrong on so many levels… the way he looked when we found him"

"You have no idea” Ben said, almost in a whisper.

"What do you mean? Has he said anything about it?"

"Some stuff here and there. Mostly what the doctor at the hospital said" Ben couldn't reveal all the information about Alex's condition, so he settled for the unsuspecting facts "Shoulder's getting better though. And his feet, he can walk around just fine"

"Good. That's good" Eagle agreed and then both men fell in silence until he broke it with a question "Do you think me being here is a good idea?"

"I don't know. He's been really closed off with me lately, and that's saying something considering how he can be, but I don't want him to be alone when I'm at work"

"Right. You don't have to worry, I'll take good care of him. Keep him distracted if I have to" Ben smiled at that. If there was anyone who could be distracting as hell, it was Eagle "When do you leave for work?" the other man looked at his watch.

"In about an hour. I'll go wake him up and tell him you're here before I go. Feel free to freshen up and eat some breakfast. You know you're home too" he finished.

"Aye, aye Captain"

Ben made his way to Alex's room and knocked softly on the door. Upon entering, he found Alex tangled in his covers with a sleepy expression on his face. Ben smiled at the sight.

"Sleep alright?" he asked, to which the teen just nodded and hummed in agreement. Thank God for small favors "So, Eagle's here" he announced, stepping closer to the bed and sitting at the end of it. Alex groaned and sat up, resting his back against the headrest.

"Does it have to be him?" his voice was thick with sleep.

"You know it does. He stays here always" Alex groaned again.

"I think I'm gonna sleep in if you don't mind" he said, laying down on his side again and closing his eyes.

"Now you're just being whiny" Ben accused good-naturedly.

"Am not"

"Are too" there was a small pause and then Alex chuckled, and Ben thought there wasn’t a more beautiful sound than that. He laughed as well. Ben always treasured the moments Alex got to act as any other teenager in the world and for him to feel rested enough to banter with him was priceless after everything that had happened. Ben let him know he'd be leaving for work shortly and then walked to the door. Before he could completely step out of the room though, Alex's somewhat more awake voice reached him.

"Are they sending you away?" he asked, all traces of sleep and lightness gone from his tone. Ben would've liked to assure the teen that he wasn't going to be sent on any missions soon and reassure him that he wouldn't leave him alone for long periods of time, but he couldn't do that and then come home with a short notice trip to who knows where this time. With MI6 it was just impossible to know.

"I don't know Al, but I'll try to hold them off as long as I can" as satisfied as he was ever going to be with that answer, he left the room and Alex behind, hoping Eagle would be able to control the situation and that he wouldn't come home in the afternoon to find the house set on fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know if you know this, but I LOVE EAGLE. He’ll have a bigger role in the third part of the series, but I just wanted to express how much I love him now. That’s all.  
> See you on the next chapter!


	25. My fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remembered today how much fun it was to write this chapter and I’m glad I didn’t have to edit it much.  
> Also, Tom 🥰

"Good morning lad" greeted the soldier when a few minutes after Ben left, Alex emerged from his room.

"Eagle" the boy answered as a way of greeting, making his way into the kitchen to get started on his breakfast. They were sitting at the table, and trust someone like Eagle to break out the silence with blunt words.

"So what've you been up to, Cub?" Alex looked at him dumbfounded.

"Nothing?"

"Well, you definitely look better than the last time I saw you. Why not make the most of the time and go outside?" Alex kept eating his breakfast while regarding the older man with a distrustful look.

"Ben put you up to this, didn't he?"

"Aw, come on, you know Foxy worries about you. We all do" answered Eagle. Alex felt some embarrassment creep up his cheeks and he dropped his head to stare at his food.

"You don't have to" he murmured between his teeth "I'm fine"

"If you're fine, go out then. Why don't you call your friend… what was his name again? The funny one?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Tom?" he supplied.

"Yeah! That one. Go hang out with him"

"I don't feel like it"

"I'm sure you'll end up having fun"

"No, thanks"

"I just got here from a pretty long flight. I could use the time to catch some sleep"

"Go to sleep then"

"I have to look after you"

"No, you don't"

"See, that's where you're wrong. Fox thinks you're spending too much time in your room and that going out would be good for you. No need to lock yourself up in a cave for the rest of the summer break and if you just call—" the sound of the metal spoon hitting the plate made him stop.

"Bloody hell Eagle! If I call Tom will you just shut up?" the older man, instead of looking taken aback by the outburst, sent the teenager a satisfied grin.

"Sure" Alex stared at him.

"You're unbelievable" he muttered.

"I know. I'm good, aren't I?" Eagle asked smugly.

"Whatever"

An hour later Alex found himself walking out the door on his way to meet Tom.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .** . . . . . . . . . 

"Glad you called mate" the other bot greeted him when they met at their usual spot "So, how was your trip? I thought you were only going away for like a week"

"I know. We decided to stay longer because we were having so much fun…" he tried for his usual nonchalant smile. It didn't reach his eyes.

Alex tried to steer the conversation towards his friend and how his summer was going. His goal was to keep Tom talking for the better part of two hours and then go back home, hoping it was enough to appease both Eagle and Ben. He was still trying to deal with all the conflicted emotions running through him and he didn't need their constant vigilance to top off the stress level.

"…ing to me? Alex!" the blond jumped out of his thoughts and focused back on his friend.

"Yeah, I'm listening" Tom sent him a disbelieving look and then a shadow crossed his features.

"What did they do?" he asked, suddenly way too serious.

"What do you mean? What did who do?" Alex asked, confused. He was genuinely not expecting this turn on the conversation.

"Bloody MI6, that's who! What did they make you do? I thought you were done with them!" Ales was even more surprised by the heat behind those words.

"Nothing. What are you talking about? I haven't had any contact with them since last time. You know that"

"But you have that look, Alex. The same one you used to get when you came back from a mission. When you were hurt" Tom said, his voice softening some. Alex meant to keep denying that anything had, in fact, happened but he couldn't find the energy to pretend. He sighed and remained silent. Tom didn’t. "Why did you go to Ukraine with Ben? Why would he let you go on a mission?"

"It wasn't a mission. We were going on vacation. I just ran into some trouble during the week and we had to stay longer"

"Are you sure it wasn't some elaborate way from them to get you on board with whatever was going on?" Tom would never stop being suspicious of MI6.

"I'm sure" Alex said with certainty, remembering the reason why Serhiy had abducted him in the first place: his _voice._

"Then what happened?" Alex wasn't about to tell the whole truth and somewhere along the way, what really happened ended up mixing with the haunting thoughts he'd been having for a while now.

"It was my fault, actually" he went to say how the sound of _his_ voice had prompted a psychopath to kidnap him and do unspeakable things to him, but he caught himself "I just have this terrible luck" Tom snorted.

"Yeah, no kidding!" Alex looked up at him then, a mixture of he-didn't-even-know-what showing on his face. Tom noticed "I mean. You do have terrible luck. There's no denying that. That doesn't mean it's your fault though"

"Yeah? And whose fault is it, then? My uncle's? My parents'?"

"We both know who's really to blame for all the shit going on in your life"

"Not everything has been their fault" Alex said, not sure why he was even defending them.

"I know none of it has been yours" Tom said with earnest. This time it was Alex who snorted.

"That's bullshit. I always end up finding trouble. Sometimes I do it on purpose" he answered, thinking of all the missions he hadn't exactly been chosen to do but had ended up in the middle of them anyway just because he was stupid and curious and sticking his nose where it didn’t belong. Tom went to say something, probably disagree with him, but Alex didn't let him. He stood up and kept ranting "No! I mean, that's it, isn't it? Everything that's happened has been my fault because I couldn't stop myself from looking, from going where I wasn't supposed to be going. All this time, every mission, Jack's death, Scorpia. Everything's been my fault"

"Alex, come on, that's not—"

"And what happened in Kiev was also my fault" Alex stated with distante yes, focusing back on Tom a second later as if he’d just remembered his friend was there. "I gotta go"

"Wait! You can't go off like that! Tell me what happened in Kiev?" Alex turned around while walking away.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine. It won't happen again" and he started running back to the house, leaving a stunned Tom behind to try to make sense of everything he had just said.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .** . . . . . . . . . . 

By the time Ben got back from the bank, the sky was beginning to darken. Eagle had finished unpacking and was laying across the couch taking a nap. Ben couldn't really blame him, the unit was on leave after all and he knew for a fact how much jet lag could tire someone out. Alex was nowhere to be seen and he suspected the teen would be in his room, staring at the roof or going through his phone, which was all he seemed interested in doing lately. Ben sighed. He walked to his own room to get changed and was surprised when he heard the door at the end of the hall open and a sock clad figure stand at his door.

"How was your first day back?" asked Alex "Did they give you a mission yet?"

"No, not yet. We're in the clear" Ben was pleased to see Alex sigh minimally from relief. Then he noticed the teen's clothes and smiled.

"Did you go out today?" the blond shrugged, as if the detail of having gone out that day wasn't important. To Ben though, it was.

"Oh, yeah. Met with Tom"

"That's great, Alex! How did it go?" they moved the conversation towards the kitchen where Ben began rummaging through the fridge.

"Good. Look, I've been doing some research and I think I found a good place for me to go to this summer and pick up the rhythm. It isn't that expensive and I could pay you back as soon as I can. Also—"

"Hold up" Ben interrupted, having lost the string of the conversation "What place? For what? What are you talking about?"

"It's a training gym that also specializes in different fighting styles. They've got Karate, Taekwondo and a lot more. It's a bit far but I can take the tube" Alex was looking at him with expectant eyes.

"You want to start training Karate again? I thought you didn't want anything to do with that anymore"

"Now I do. Can I go?" something was different, Ben thought. By now, Eagle had woken up and was leaning on the doorway to the kitchen stifling a yawn.

"What brought this on?" Ben was beginning to worry. Somehow he didn't think exposing Alex to violence right now was the best way to deal with the situation.

"Nothing, I just want to keep in shape" Alex answered and looked back when it was Eagle who answered.

"Go running. That'll do it" the blond scowled at him.

"It's not the same. I need to do this. Come on" he prompted, turning back to Ben, who’d crossed his arms over his chest.

"Something must have brought this on. It's the first time you've talked about fighting again" Alex rolled his eyes but answered either way.

"I was talking to Tom this morning and I realized that a lot of what's happened in my life has been my own fault. If I hadn't been out of shape in Kiev, maybe I wouldn't have been taken" Ben and Eagle shared a look after that statement, not that Alex could see because he had averted his gaze to the floor.

"Did Tom say that?" asked Ben.

"I mean, he agreed with me"

"Well, then he's not such a great friend after all" Eagle said, and Alex turned back to him, furious.

"How can you say that! He's the best friend I've got!” Eagle raised his hands in surrender.

"I'm just saying, that's not a very nice thing to say to someone"

"I wasn't asking you, anyway!" Alex snapped and Ben was getting worried about how much the situation was escalating and how angry Alex was getting.

"Alex, bring it down a notch, will you?"

"We're getting off topic here" the blond replied, to his credit, he did lower his voice "I need to go to this gym Ben, please”

"Buddy, I don't see how this is gonna help you right now. Your injuries aren't completely healed" Ben tried to be reasonable.

"I won't push it. I'll start slow"

"I don't think it's a good idea, Al"

"Why not?" the boy asked, some heat returning to his voice.

"Don't you think you should, I don't know, talk to somebody before you go and do that?" he asked. He'd been meaning to bring the subject up from some time now but hadn't really found the chance. This was going to have to be it. Alex stared at him.

"Talk to somebody about what?" he asked menacingly, as if daring Ben to keep going with his line of thought.

"About what happened to you" he wasn't going to mention exactly what part he thought Alex needed the most help dealing with because Eagle was there to listen to it all, but his meaning was clear and Alex got it.

"You want me to go see a shrink"

"A professional. Someone you can open up to. Someone who can help" Ben was totally unprepared for the hatred behind Alex's next words.

"So you want to take the problem off your shoulders then?" he asked, venom in his voice. 

"What? No" the older man replied, genuinely surprised.

"Well, I'm sorry this is too much for you to handle but I don't need a shrink! I'm fine!" his voice was raising again. Eagle looked up at him but Ben didn't know what to say now. Alex had obviously drawn the wrong conclusions out of Ben's proposal and the kid wasn't being exactly rational about it.

"Cub" Eagle intervened, probably trying to keep the conversation from escalating any further. "Don't be unreasonable. Fox just wants to help you. Seeing somebody actually sounds like a good idea"

"Don't talk like you know what's best for me" Alex said, looking now at them both "I just need some time to train and be in top shape, so I can make sure nothing else ever happens to me again. _That's_ what I need" he continued in a deceivingly calmer tone "So, can I go to this gym or not?" he regarded Ben with an intense glare and the older man felt the weight of his response even before he said it. He honestly did believe Alex's proposal wasn't the best way to go about things and, despite how mad the kid would be at him, he decided to stand his ground.

"No. You're not ready to start fight-training now" he said with finality. He was expecting Alex to keep shouting, to have a bigger tantrum than the one he was having now, but he didn't. Instead he just nodded and announced he'd be in his room for the rest of the night.

"I'm not hungry" he said right before leaving the kitchen after Ben asked if he should go tell him when dinner was ready "And I'd like to be left alone for the rest of the night"

When they were left alone in the kitchen, Ben took a shaky breath and sat down on the table. Eagle approached and took the seat opposite him.

"Damn. That was hard to watch" he offered "They always say teenagers are a pain, but I never knew how difficult they could be"

"You have no idea. They literally think the world is out to get them" Ben agreed.

"In this case, it might be true though" Ben looked up. "Think about it. That kid's been through more than all of us put together"

"I seriously don't know what to do man. I really can't help him" Ben replied, his voice going gruff at the end.

"You'll figure something out. Why don't _you_ go talk to somebody about how to deal with him"

"That's… That might actually work" he said, running a hand through his hair. Then he added "Listen, I know this is your down time and the mood here isn't great right now. If you want to call Wolf and crash with them, that's okay"

"Nah, you need all the help you can get, so I'm gonna stay here and help if you don't mind" Ben smiled and nodded. He just hoped it would be enough to help Alex too.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .** . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Alex wasn't even sure about what he was doing. He was just seething inside. He couldn't keep standing being in his room anymore, doing nothing more than playing and replaying everything bad that had ever happened in his life up until their trip to Kiev and all the times Serhiy decided it was okay to mess with him, to trespass the limits, to violate him with every touch.

He almost felt like he wanted to get out of his own body but, knowing he couldn't, he decided going out of his room was the best next option. Problem was, he didn't want to deal with Ben and Eagle either. He was too angry and ashamed at the same time about their fight. He felt like he couldn't control any of his thoughts and feelings and he was starting to get desperate. He needed to get out.

Tom had texted him a couple of times during the afternoon but he'd ignored the messages. Now, looking at his phone, he knew he couldn't take it with him. He didn't want to be tempted into calling his friend for help. Tom didn't deserve to get all of this dumped on his doorstep.

He picked a sweater from his closet and put on his shoes. He scribbled a few words on a paper and let the paper rest on his bed before opening his window and jumping out. He started walking, and walking, and walking, until he was far away from the house and far from the oppressive care he kept getting from the men living with him. It felt oppressive because he didn't think he deserve it and he'd be damned if he kept adding to their friend's worries by being an ungrateful brat. Until he knew how to deal with himself, he wouldn't come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, any thoughts?  
> I think I could edit and post the rest of the story today and then move on to the second part of the series. There is so much content coming your way :D


	26. Goddamn it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Alex is s.t.r.u.g.g.l.i.n.g, the poor thing :/

Alex put on his sweater a while later when night had completely fallen and the temperature had dropped a few degrees. It was summer time, but weather could be a pain and nights tended to be pretty cold.

Not exactly attuned with his surroundings, Alex let his mind wander.

His thoughts wandered back to a time where everything was simpler, better, happier. When Ian was alive, and Jack was alive and he was non the wiser about all the secrets that surrounded him. Was that really only two years ago? He remembered the day his doorbell had rang with the news of his uncle's death. That had been the last truly innocent day of his life. After that it all just became a blur of missions, less than adequate training, traveling from one continent to the next, to the freaking moon and back, running, fighting, surviving until there was no more reasons to go back home. Until Jack died. He'd thought being let go of the agency would at least be the beginning of his putting his life back together. But, what life? What was left of his life that he could actually attempt to save?

When he'd been sent to live with Ben, he'd decided he would bury the old Alex deep underground, along with all his loved ones, and he would start a new life. One that would have nothing to do with MI6 or his past. The only real connection to it would be Ben's job but he'd made a good job at keeping the boundaries in place. Hell! Even the SAS unit was completely different towards him! Alex had truly believed he’d managed to create a better version of himself, or as better as it would be considering where it was coming from. What a fool he'd been.

How could he have thought he'd be spared for the rest of his life from the evilness of the world? It really did seem that he had the luck of the devil and, apparently, there was no escaping that. Being kidnapped in Kiev, being tortured, being… being hurt had been no one else's fault but his, simply because of who he was.

"You lost or somethin' kid?" he was pulled out of his thoughts by a voice somewhere to his right. When Alex looked around, he noticed where he was.

London was a pretty safe city, compared to other places in the world, places he'd personally visited, but it wasn't uncommon for some particularly tough neighborhoods to exist. Loosing himself in his thoughts had made him wander down a dangerous and dark street where the only pedestrians right now where three guys older than him, though not by much, and himself.

He chose to keep walking past the group of now approaching boys so he could reach the intersection faster and take a turn towards safer ground.

"Yo! What's a momma's boy like you doin' all the way down here?" keep walking, he told himself, keep walking. Then he was shoved from behind.

"My friend asked you a question, mate" one of them said. Alex whirled around and stood his ground facing the three older boys. They would be easy to dispose of, given how he'd fought against much bigger threats, and if Ben wasn't going to let him join a gym for the summer, he could always use the moment to train himself.

"I'm not your mate" he replied, voice dangerously low. The boys snickered.

"Well then, you should've thought of that before stepping foot in here" the closest of the them pushed against his chest now and Alex reacted. He brought his hand up in a fist, intent on smashing the kid's face but he stopped himself abruptly. This was exactly the kind of attitude that always got him into trouble. Why was it so hard to just walk away and avoid the confrontation? There was a raging battle inside him right now, he still wanted to hit the kid and be done with all of them, but his guilt and self-loathing stopped him from acting out. He was almost paralyzed on the spot.

When the older kid saw his hesitation, he smiled and punched him. Hard. Alex staggered to the side, spitting blood from his busted lip. He took an involuntary step back, still trying to get his mind to decide on one course of action but the kids mistook the step as cowardice and two of them took a hold of his arms to pinn him between them. Fight back! Fight back, come on! He told himself, struggling to get out of their hold while the third kid approached him menacingly. Finally Alex's instincts took over and he lashed out with his foot, hitting the older kid and kipping him away. The two holding his arms wrestled him to the ground where he ended up on his side with only one of his arms free. He kept kicking his legs out, trying to send the kids away from him but the one who had a hold of his shoulder, his recently dislocated shoulder, pulled on it to turn him over and sit on his legs so his friends could start raining blows on him.

The pain in his shoulder and the weight on his legs sent him on a panic.

Suddenly he wasn't in a dark ally being bullied by some older kids, he was back in that basement being subdued by Serhiy. _No!_ he thought. _This can't be happening again!_

"Stop!" he yelled but the kids only laughed harder. When he couldn't contain a sob from escaping, he scrunched his eyes shut.

"You gonna start crying for your momma now?" one of the boys sneered. Alex was breathing hard but, somehow, hearing the smug voice above him made him snap out of his panic and remember where he was. This wasn't Serhiy holding him down. His shoulder had momentarily hurt but it was fine now. His feet didn't hurt either. He wasn't there.

And then complete rage overtook him.

With an almost animal yell he yanked his arm free and twisted under the kid's weight. He threw him off balance and sent a kick right to his face. The nose breaking was audible, the scream even more so. When the kid scattered away, whimpering, his friends came at him. He was ready. Alex rolled backwards over himself and stood up in one swift motion. He didn't even think about adopting a fighting stance, he just launched himself forward and attacked. He was done with being hurt by other people. He was supposed to be good at this damn it! He hadn't saved the world time and again out of coincidence. He was never letting another person lay a hand on him to hurt him ever again.

Not!

Ever!

Again!

With every thought, he sent another kick and another fist until the three kids were almost crying on the floor, crawling away from him and begging him to stop. Alex took a moment to breathe through the haze of hatred running through his veins and finally realized what he'd done.

One of the kids had a broken arm, on top of his bloody nose. Another one was gasping for air, holding his ribs and Alex knew they were broken. The last one was actually unconscious.

Alex took a step back, then another, and another, staring in shock at what he’d done before turning around and running like the devil himself was chasing him and, maybe, in a sense, it was.

He ran at least for an hour until he almost collapsed out of breath. His hands were shaking and when he looked at his torn knuckles and the smeared blood on them, which wasn't all his, he swore.

"Shit!" he said into the empty night "Shit, shit, shit!"

 _What the hell am I doing?_ He wiped his hands on his jeans and began walking again. He saw where he was and he saw where he wanted to go. He started walking home.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .** . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The next morning, Ben got up for work and decided to wake Alex up. He wanted to make sure the tense conversation from last night wouldn't hinder too much his recovery process. He’d thought about Alex's proposal during the night and he believed he'd found a compromise solution that could work both ways. He wanted to let Alex know right away.

There was no response to his knock on the door, which was okay, considering it was still early, even for him. So he opened the door slowly and peered inside. He frowned. Alex wasn't in bed. Ben entered the room and gave a spin around, he was nowhere in sight.

"Alex?" he called. Maybe the kid had gotten up early after a bad night. Maybe he was in the bathroom.

Ben checked the whole house. He wasn't there.

"Eagle!" he yelled. The other man woke up and stepped out of his room sourly.

"What?”

"Alex's not here"

They searched his room and found his phone on the bedside table, so no calling or tracing him. Ben was beginning to think someone must have broken into the house late at night to take him, but that's when Eagle saw the note. It had fallen to the floor near the bed. He handed it to Ben with a worried look after reading it.

 _I just need some time alone. I'll be fine…_ _—_ _Alex_.

"Goddamn it!" Ben yelled, barely containing himself from hitting the wall "That stupid, stubborn little shit!" 

"Come on, man. I'm sure he's fine" Eagle tried to appease him but Ben was losing it quickly.

"What the hell is he thinking?!"

"I'm pretty sure he's not thinking right now"

Ben growled. When had Eagle become such a level-headed guy?

"We have to find him" Ben stated, walking out of the room and heading for the door.

"That, we do" Eagle agreed, making sure to change into actual clothes before leaving the house.

"I'm gonna get a head start! Call the others!" Ben yelled, who was almost out of earshot.

This was going to be a very long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex is gonna be the death of Ben, I swear...


	27. I’m sorry

Alex stood on the street, staring at his old house. He’d walked the whole night and part of the morning until he'd reached it. He'd taken the longest way there and by the time he arrived he'd been tired and sweaty despite how cold the night had gotten.

After two years living away, the place still looked exactly the same, except this time there was a big family of four sitting at the table having breakfast. The parents were laughing at the words spoken by the youngest child while the older one, a teenage girl, was lost on her phone not paying attention to anything at all. They even had a dog.

Alex felt a twinge of jealousy in the pit of his stomach at seeing the family enjoying themselves in what should still be his house. But, of course, the house hadn't even been Ian's to begin with. It had always belonged to the Bank. Since he hadn't been allowed to live there on his own after Jack died, the Bank had quickly found other occupants for it. Alex even wondered if the family had to pay mortgage or rent to the Bank and the idea of them getting wealthier because of it turned the jealousy into nausea. What if the house was only ever used as cover for spies? Was the father of that family one? Was he lying right now to his wife and kids and then going on business trips that would last months? Was it the wife?

Alex found he couldn't keep looking at them anymore. He studied the structure of the house. Glanced up at the window of what used to be his room. Studied the garden and the beautifully kept flowers adorning the place. They'd never had flowers.

A shiver ran down his spine and he crossed his arms over his chest. His stomach had been growling for a few hours now and he was desperate to be able to lay down and catch some sleep. He was so tired. Making a split second decision, he walked to the back of the house where the back garden had always been the home of a tall and well kept tree. He waited until the family left before going over to it and laying down on the grass. He sighed and closed his eyes. If he concentrated enough, he could imagine his life was back to normal and he was just out on his garden taking a lazy day off. The summer sun helped him get warmer and soon he drifted off to sleep.

When he woke up, half the day had gone by. He hadn't been discovered so far but he couldn't risk it anymore. He went to the park closest to the house, the one he used to go with Jack when he was younger and sat down on a bench just watching the people go by. Where was he supposed to go now? It was actually a miracle no one in the park had called the police yet, given how ragged he looked, dirty, tired and bloody on some parts. Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to care. His stomach was hurting now but he refused to get up. He just didn't care anymore.

The hours went by and eventually night had fallen upon him again. This one promised to be colder than the one before. He mentally cursed himself for being so stupid. What on earth was he doing here? He hadn't even packed a bag. If he stayed out all night, without walking or moving at all, he would surely freeze to death.

 _M_ _aybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea after all_.

He froze.

_What the f_ _—_ _?_ Where had that thought come from? It had been a while, a very long while since he'd had such horrible dark thoughts. It wasn't by far the first time he thought about dying. Heck! He'd even thought about it while he'd been captive in Kiev. But it was one thing to think about it when you were in pain, being tortured and worse, and it was another thing entirely to think about it in the relative safety of freedom.

His heart pounded mercilessly in his chest. He didn't want to have these thoughts. He really didn't want to believe the only solution to how awful he felt was to die. There were still a few things he wanted to accomplish like graduating school and getting into college. Suddenly the plans he'd been making through the year before the trip to Kiev came rushing to his mind to remind him that he still had a life to live. He started trembling. He _still_ had a life to live.

He looked back at the house again, visible from the park. This life, the one he'd had before, in this house, with his uncle and with Jack… that life didn't belong to him anymore. He didn't belong to it. He looked in the general direction of Ben's house. Why had he started thinking about it as Ben's house again? Why had he stopped calling it home? He thought about the man, and the rest of K-Unit. He thought about Tom, and school and football. That's the life he belonged to and that's where he needed to go back to. He needed to go back to Ben because he didn't want to have those scary thoughts anymore. He wanted help.

With a last glance back, he finally let go of a past that tormented him and he started making his real way home.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .** ** . . . . . . . . .  ** ****

It was well into the night when they finally came across someone who could actually be Alex on the road. Wolf and Snake had been driving around town, asking around stores or just people passing by almost nonstop since Eagle's call for help that morning. They'd wandered through the city, hoping to catch a glimpse of the currently runaway boy but, so far, they hadn't had any luck.

"I swear I'm never having kids" Wolf growled from the driver's seat. Snaked sighed. He wouldn't agree to that, but he wouldn't disagree either.

"Not all kids are like him. He's just had it difficult" Wolf glanced at his watch and stifled a yawn angrily. It was nearing midnight.

"Still, I'm not having any" he stated and went back to looking out the window. Snake also resumed his vigil until a familiar hooded figure appeared walking in the opposite direction they were going. He was still far away and it was fairly dark outside to be sure, but the height and built where right, even if his face was obscured by the shadows of the night.

"Slow down" he told Wolf and rolled the window down. The closer they came to the hooded figure, the more certain Snake was that it was him "Wolf, stop the car. It's him" and he didn't wait for the other man to actually stop the vehicle before opening his door and jumping out of the passenger's seat.

"Cub!" he called and was rewarded when the figure stopped and looked up. It was really him. He was still some distance away and Snake thought maybe he should've waited to shout for when he was within arm's reach, lest he decided to run and get away from them, but the kid didn't. He just stood rooted to the spot. Snake walked slowly closer to him, as if he'd been approaching a wild animal. In a sense, the kid sometimes acted as one.

"Wha-what are you d-doing here?" Alex asked, his voice shaking in compass with his body.

"Oh, you know, just taking a walk to get some fresh air" Snake responded nonchalantly and was rewarded with the ghost of a smile, one that dissappeared after a wince. That's when Snake noticed the busted lip "Are you okay?" he asked. He’d walked closer to the boy but decided to remain a few feet away, letting Alex know he wasn't there to threaten him. He'd been worried about the mental state Alex would be in once they found him, if they even found him at all. Fox had told them about their argument and the way the teen had been acting during the past few weeks. To Snake, they were all signs of PTSD, so he made sure to approach the situation carefully.

"I'm co-cold" Alex admitted, his body giving a hard shake as if to prove his words. Snake clamped down his worry in order to maintain his careful approach.

"I bet. It would've been safer to put on a jacket if you were going to stay out late" Alex snorted.

"I don't wa-want to be rude b-but, can we hurry this along?" the shivers were turning uncontrollable now.

"We can do whatever you want Cub" Snaked stated softly.

"I just want to go home" and just the way he said it made Snake walk the rest of the way to him and envelope him in a quick hug. He then shrugged out of his own jacked and wrapped it over the teen's shoulders.

He dragged the blond towards the waiting car where a very grumbling Wolf was talking on the phone. Alex all but collapsed from exhaustion on the back seat and started shaking even more when the contrast of the warm interior of the car hit him.

"W-wo-wolf" he greeted, teeth clattering.

"You are so gonna hear about it when you get home" the other man said angrily.

" _Wolf_ " Snake warned.

"I kn-know" the blond sighed and closed his eyes.

Snake looked back worried. He didn't like the amount of shaking on the teen's voice, but he was starting to suspect it didn't all have to do with the cold night outside. Seeing more clearly the bruise on his cheek and the cut on his lip, Snake wondered if shock had anything to do with how tired and ragged Alex looked. He'd make sure to check him properly when they got to Ben's place.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .** ** . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ** ****

The clock read almost one a.m. and Alex sat at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of hot tea and enveloped in one of the warmest blanketsthey had. The house was eerily quiet while they waited for the main guest of the party to show up. Ben still hadn't come home.

Wolf had talked to him on the phone, let him know they'd found Alex but the man was sure taking his time to come back from where he'd gone looking for the teen. That certainly didn't bode well for anybody. Eagle had arrived shortly after them and so they were all quietly gathered at the kitchen.

Snake had wasted no time checking Alex for other wounds and he made quick work of taking care of his torn knuckles. They all knew he'd gotten into a fight, God knew they'd been in many of their own to recognize the signs but other than concerned glances and some annoyed looks (mainly from Wolf) they kept their thoughts to themselves. Alex was glad.

Silence was nothing new to Alex. He was used to sitting through hours of silence in the company of the men that surrounded him. It was part of their dynamic, of how they worked, and it had been the same during the couple of years they'd been in and out of contact through Ben and their leaves. This time though, the silence was making him nervous. He almost would've preferred them to tell him how wrong he'd been, how selfish and reckless, because at least they'd be the ones starting the conversation and then he'd be able to tell them how he really felt. He just didn't have the courage to start talking on his own.

He kept drinking his tea. He was still cold, but it was nothing compared to how he'd felt on the street. The shaking had gone down to a minimum and his thoughts were clearer, if not by much. He had also munched on some crackers. Given how much time he'd gone without eating and how sensitive his stomach would be, he didn't want to risk throwing up if he ate too much now.

Then, the sound of an engine parking outside reached them and a few minutes later the front door opened. Alex looked up and locked eyes with Eagle, who gave him a reassuring nod before he stood up and walked towards the living room.

Alex saw Ben and the expression on his face startled him. He looked tired, as if he'd been through the ringer. And he was pissed. The older man dropped his keys on the small table near the door and met his eyes. They were locked in place, staring at each other for a full minute in which Ben took notice of the recent bruise on his face and the cut on his lip. His eyes traveled to his hands and so did Alex's. Alex looked back at him with an apologetic expression and when Ben started walking purposefully towards him he was glad he'd be able to finallyembrace the other man, something he'd been looking forward to do since the unnerving cold had refused to leave his body during the night. But instead of hugging him, Ben grabbed him by the arm and shook him, hard.

"What the hell were you thinking!?" he yelled.

"Ben—" Alex tried to say, surprised by the turn of events. The other man didn't listen.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was!? What were you gonna do, huh? Disappear on us for weeks? Months?" Ben gave him another shake and his voice was only just getting louder by the second. Alex's eyes were round as plates and his voice had caught in his throat. He'd never seen the other man like this. Ben's never acted this way towards him "And then what? You think it would've been fine to just come back and act as if nothing had happened?"

"No. I…I don't—" his arm received another shake and he winced. The grip was starting to hurt.

"And all you leave is a note! You don't even take your damn phone!"

K-Unit had wanted to give the both of them some privacy, but at hearing all the yelling, they couldn't help but lean out of the kitchen and stare dumbfounded at the scene in front of them.

"Fox, mate, calm down" Snake, always the voice of reason said. Ben whirled around, thankfully letting go of Alex's arm.

"Don't you fucking tell me to calm down" he spat angrily "You don't understand" he accused. To say that everyone was surprised was the understatement of the year. Fox had always been the calmer one of the unit. Wolf was the impulsive type, Eagle the hyperactive, Snake was the voice of reason, yes, but Fox had always been the emotional rock, the one who kept his cool even in the direst of situations. To see him so openly angry and emotional was new to all of them, including Alex, who was now cradling his arm, his heart hammering in his chest and his breathing coming in short gasps. He hadn't been expecting this reaction at all.

"I didn't mean to worry you" Alex said softly, hoping to bring the tone of the conversation down a notch. What he didn't expect was for Ben to turn back to him so fast that Alex actually flinched and took a step back, his back hitting the wall. If Ben noticed, he didn't show.

"And did you think of that _before_ you left? No! Because why would you even consider anyone else?" the words stung deep inside his heart because they were true. He hadn't been thinking of anyone else. His eyes started to burn and he wasn't sure he could get past the rest of the night.

"I'm sorry" he whispered, because talking any louder meant his voice would break.

"And not only that but you manage to go ahead and get yourself hurt. What did you do?" Alex's eyes dropped at the reminder and accusation. He couldn't explain what had happened, not now. Surprisingly, Wolf took a step towards Ben.

"Fox, stand down, this isn't helping anybody"

"No, I swear, I just wanna know" he replied, still directing his words at Alex with a hint of sarcasm in them "Do I have to be worried about another injury? Another dislocated shoulder or slashed feet perhaps?" Alex gasped and looked up, meeting his eyes again. This wasn't how the conversation was supposed to happen. Alex had wanted someone to tell him off for doing what he did in order for him to confess what he felt but Ben's verbal onslaught was so brutal he didn't have any chance at all. Remaining upward without crumbling down was as much as he was going to manage right now.

"Ben Daniels, shut up! That's enough!" Snake yelled.

Finally, Ben went quiet. He took a deep breath and a step back once he realized he'd been towering over Alex with a look of fear in his eyes.The blond’s heart continued to beat painfully fast as Ben delivered his final words for the night.

"You will go to the guest room" his voice was firm and still harsh and Alex couldn’t help but stare up at him with shiny eyes "And you'll stay there until morning. We'll continue this conversation then"

Alex didn't even nod before quickly pushing himself off the wall and scurrying away towards the room Eagle had been staying in. It wasn't a surprise that he'd been sent there, the room had no windows, so he wouldn't be able to escape again. He all but ran to the room and closed the door hard before the first sob escaped him. He was being grounded. Ben had never grounded him before. Hell! No one had actually grounded him since he was at least twelve years old. Ian was never around and Jack hadn't been the grounding type.

He was pretty sure no one would follow him into the room, so he didn't bother locking the door and just sat down on the soft mattress of the bed. He was shaking again, bad, but he reckoned it had nothing to do with the cold. He wasn't even cold anymore, he was actually hot, from embarrassment and shame. He ran a hand down his face and stared shocked at the wetness he now felt on his cheeks. He was crying. Tears were running silently down his face and he decided to do nothing against them. He wasn't crying or embarrassed because he'd been grounded. God knew he deserved it, but because he was feeling like a little boy again, not the cool and collected seventeen-year-old that he was supposed to be. He was feeling small and vulnerable just as he'd felt for the past weeks ever since getting rescued from that hellhole in Kiev.

For the first time in a long time, all he wanted was to be held and comforted but, unfortunately, the only person he'd ever let close enough to do that was currently so angry that he didn’t even want to see him.

Alex sighed and curled into a ball on the bed. He didn't even bother with the covers. At first he thought he was too wired up to sleep, but soon the exhaustion took over and with tears still running free from his eyes, he closed them and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk about angsty... did I mention I love writing angst? This is nothing compared to the rest of the series! So don’t go anywhere!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one’s short but it’s actually one of my favorites :)

Morning found Ben sitting at the kitchen table staring at his hands. He hadn't slept all night even though he was in desperate need of some time off. Between the tension of the past weeks, the worry of the previous days and the anger of last night, he was utterly spent. Yet, he couldn't sleep. The overwhelming sense of failure weighting down on him.

He’d failed Alex from the moment he'd let him get taken in Kiev all the way until yesterday, he'd let him down. He hadn't managed to find a way for him to get better, and he’d only made things worse.

The soft sound of feet getting closer to the kitchen brought him back from his thoughts and he saw Snake stifling a yawn and joining him at the table. They’d all crashed in for the night seeing as it had been too late to go back to their own home.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes before Ben broke it.

"Has Alex woken up yet?" Snake shook his head.

"I went into the room to check on him but he's asleep" Ben nodded his response and went back to staring at his hands. Snake pressed the conversation forward "You really outdid yourself last night"

"I know" Ben sighed.

"Man, you even got physical. What the heck were _you_ thinking?" Ben closed his eyes and ran his hands down his face.

"I don't… I don't know man. I just lost it. With him missing, I… I…” he started to choke on his words and Snake put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. After he composed himself, Snake let out a snort "What's so funny?" he asked, as if his friend had gone mental.

"Cub" he responded, a fond smile on his lips "Back then, at Breacons, would you ever have imagined that scrawny little kid would warm his way through so deeply?" Ben couldn't help but smile in return, though the smile didn't last long.

"I didn't know it would be this hard"

"Would you change any of it?" Snake asked and Ben shuddered at the thought.

"No, of course not. Well… except for all the pain he's been through. I'd give anything to change that" he confessed, emotion playing unguarded in his eyes. It was okay though, he needed this.

"You and me both mate" then Ben looked right into his eyes and expressed the thought that had been eating at him for weeks.

"I don't think I can help him anymore" he whispered and rubbed at his eyes before any tears could fall. He was still composed enough to not want to be seen crying in front of his friend.

"It's still too early to throw in the towel" Ben was shaking his head.

"No. You don't understand"

"You keep saying that" the other man retorted "He was tortured. Badly. Barely a month ago" as if he needed a reminder, Ben thought.

"But that's not the worst of it though and I just don't know how to help" he stated again.

"I know" Snake said.

"No, you don't. Something happened to him there and—“

"Fox" Snake interrupted softly "I know" and the look he gave him was enough to convince him of the truth. Ben stared at him wide eyed.

"You _know_!?" he whispered-yelled "What do you mean you know? How? Why?"

"I talked to the medic at the base before we left. It took some convincing, since I wasn't Cub's guardian or anything, but eventually he caved under professional courtesy. I'm a doctor too, remember? Kind of. He walked me through his injuries and his guess at what had happened"

"But… he didn't say anything. He didn't tell me then. Why would he do that?" he asked rapidly, almost in a panic. How had the doctor neglected to mention it to him? What if Alex had never told him?

"You were supposed to be leaving soon. You were on a dead line and breaching such a difficult subject wouldn't have been on anyone's best interest at the time. Not with the state Cub was in and facing the long journey home. You were gonna take him to the hospital here anyway, I suppose"

Ben pondered on it for a while, digesting the information.

"Why didn't _you_ tell me?" he asked, somewhat accusingly. This time, it was Snake's turn to look down.

"I didn't know how, either" he confessed and Ben just had to accept it as the only reasonable explanation. He still found it hard to talk about it himself.

"So how do you reckon I should help him?" he asked, letting the previous subject drop.

"Have you talked to him about it?" Ben shook his head.

"None of us has mentioned it since we came back from the hospital"

"Well, I know for sure that pretending it didn't happen isn't the way to go" for a moment, Ben felt a surge of anger at hearing those words. As if Snake knew any better, he thought bitterly, but then berated himself for the thought. His friend was only trying to help and it wasn't like what he was saying wasn't true.

"It's not like I can come over to him and just ask him how he feels about it, Snake. Hell! I don't even think I can say it out loud, much less bring it up in front of him" he answered, letting out a frustrated growl "And that's just it, isn’t it? I can't help him because _I'm_ the one who can't talk about it" Snake regarded him with understanding eyes.

"Ben" he said, surprising him by using his name. They weren't used to calling themselves other than their given nicknames "You're the only one who can talk to him about it. You're the only one he'll ever allow to get so close enough as to discuss something like that. We all know he's a difficult boy, that he doesn't trust easily. Heck! He doesn't trust anyone! Not even us, not with the important stuff anyway. He only has you, and if you give up on him now…" the rest of the sentence was better left unsaid. Ben took a shuddering breath. He knew he was right.

"How much do you care about him?" the question surprised him, but Snake was fixing him with an intense gaze. This was the most sensitive conversation he'd ever had with the man and it was also the most sincere.

"He's like a brother to me. And everything that happened to him hurts as bad as it would if I actually had a little brother" the confession was both a burden and a relief.

"Then as scary as it is, you need to talk to him. You need to _be_ his older brother now" Ben nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He stood up and made his way out of the kitchen, patting his friend's shoulder as a way to thank him and mentally preparing to face Alex.

They’d been talking for the better part of an hour, so by the time he knocked on the door of the guest room and entered, he found the teenager curled on his side on the bed, bedside lamp on and sleepy eyes staring back at him. Ben took a deep breath and made his way in, closing the door behind him. He wasn't sure the lack of reaction from the boy was a good or a bad thing. Ben sat at the edge of the bed and finally got a reaction when Alex made room for him by scooting to the other side. The teen's voice was low and still so, so vulnerable when he spoke that Ben almost had to strain to hear him.

"Are you going to yell at me again?" he asked, eyes unwavering. Ben sighed.

"No… But I think it's time we talked, Al" at hearing his words, the teenager curled even further into himself and buried his head into the pillow.

Seeing Alex fold in on himself, Ben doubted his plan. _What if he's just not ready to talk?_ He thought, but Snake's last words rang in his ears. He had to be the adult here and handle the situation. With a final sigh, he began to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark this moment in your calendar people, because this is the moment Ben admits Alex is like a little brother to him ❤️


	29. This might take a while

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter contains mentions of suicide. Like I said before, Alex is struggling, but he’ll come out of everything on top, I promise!

"Listen, Alex, it's been almost a month now and I think it's time to talk about some things" Ben started and he saw Alex’s shoulders stiffen."I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now, which is why I need you to open up and talk to me. Just talk to me" he waited a few seconds to give Alex the chance to reply, but the blond remained silent. Ben sighed. "But I guess that in order to help you, I have to talk too"

Alex looked up from where he'd hidden his face into the pillow.

"I'm sorry about the way I acted last night. When I found the note in your room and you weren't there, I flashed back to when you were taken and I couldn't deal with something like that again. I lashed out at you because I need you to understand that you're like a bro—“

"I wanted to die" Alex interrupted, voice low but steady.

When the silence that followed stretched on, Ben forced himself to respond. “What do you mean?"

Alex swallowed. "When I was in that basement and he was doing those things to me and I thought you'd died… I wanted to die" he repeated, not meeting Ben’s eyes, instead fixing his gaze on the wall while still curled on his side.

"I'm sure you must've been scared when you were there" Ben tried. Alex closed his eyes before delivering the next blow.

"Yesterday, I wanted to die too" the air turned thicker around them when Ben sttifled a gasp.

"What are you talking about?” Alex's voice dropped down to a mere whisper.

"I think you know"

"Al, buddy, did you…? Have you thought about…?" Ben inwardly growled. Why was it so damn hard for him to say those words aloud? Rape, suicide. He needed this conversation to be as clear as possible if he wanted to truly understand Alex's state of mind. He cleared his throat "Alex, did you think about hurting yourself?"

"No, not exactly. I… I just—“ it took a few seconds before he finally let it out. "I just wanted to die"

"But you've never done anything to yourself, right?" Ben asked, some anxiety creeping into his voice. Alex sighed.

"I don't want to think like that anymore" he said, avoiding Ben's question. Finally, Alex looked up at him, raw pain showing in his eyes "I'm scared I'll never get better. I thought about dying after Cairo too. There was just no reason to keep living. And now… I just don't know"

"But you _do_ have reasons to keep living, bud. You _do_ " Ben said to emphasize "You have school, your friends, your whole life ahead of you… you have me" he finished, putting a hand on his shoulder. Alex shook his head.

"You didn't want anything to do with me last night" he answered, voice breaking, sounding like an 8-year-old that just managed to break Ben's heart.

"Oh, buddy, I was out of my mind with worry yesterday. I was angry but I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry"

"It doesn't matter. It's just a matter of time before I manage to do something again that'll finally make you realize what a mistake it was to take me in and you'll want to get rid of me to make your life easier" Ben stared at him in shock.

"Alex, just what on earth are you saying? You won't do anything to make me get rid of you!"

"But I already have! I ran away and you got mad and I made you worry all the way back in Kiev and I just keep bringing problems to you. _I_ am a problem Ben!" Ben was speechless for a minute. How hurt must this boy be to think of himself as a problem in itself. He certainly wasn't a problem to Ben. Could it be that he'd never made Alex notice how much he cared before?

"Okay, let's get something straight. You, Alex Rider, are not a problem. Not to me and definitely not to yourself. You've had bad things happen to you but that doesn't make you responsible" he tried to put as much conviction into his words as he could. It wasn't a matter of convincing himself after all, it was a matter of convincing him.

"Then what does it make me?" the teen asked "I feel like I have nothing Ben. Like I am nothing, and I don't want to keep living like that"

"Stop doing that. Stop saying you don't wanna live" Ben's nerves were frazzled. This is so not how he'd picture the conversation going. Now, more than ever, he knew Alex needed professional help.

"I can't help it…" Alex said in a whisper, the tears he had been trying to hold back finally breaking free and running down his cheeks.

"Alright, get up" Ben ordered "Come on, sit up" the blond reluctantly did after Ben almost picked him up by the shoulders. He kept a strong grip on them, maintaining direct eye contact with the teen.

"What are you doing?" Alex asked, sniffling.

"Alex, I promise you, for everything that I hold dear, that I'm gonna help you get through this. No matter what happened, no matter what he did to you, I'm not giving up on you and neither will you, because I won't let you" Ben took a breath before continuing "I don't think I've ever said this to you, Al, but I love you like a brother. You're family now and I don't want to listen to you saying you don't want to live, ever again. Is that clear?"

The intensity of his speech left him breathless and he could see he wasn’t the only one affected. Alex’s cheeks were blushed and his eyes overflowed with water again. The teen suddenly jumped into him and held on for dear life, burying his head into Ben’s shoulder and crying his heart out.

"I'm sorry" he said, voice shaky "I don't wanna think like that again. I'm sorry"

"Shh, shh… You're gonna be okay now. I'm here. I'll help you"

"I don't know what else to do. I can't stop thinking about it. Every day. What he did… I can't even look at myself and when I do… I hate it. I hate me" he broke down crying again after the last words and Ben just held him through it.

"You can't hate yourself for something that wasn't your fault. He's the only to blame for it, not you. So stop blaming yourself and beating yourself up about it. You need to let this stuff out of your system"

"How?" the question was so simple and, yet, so hard to answer.

"Talking about it. I may not be the most qualified person to help you deal with that but I'll always be willing to listen if it helps you clear your mind"

"I don't think I can talk to you about it, Ben. It's too embarrassing" Alex had managed to calm down a bit, though he still held onto Ben.

"That's why I suggested you talk to someone else. Don't think about it like a shrink and you don't need to be crazy to go to one either" there were a few minutes of silence after that in which Ben came up with a plan that might help convince the teen to accept outside help "If I went and talked to one, would you consider going too?" Alex eventually broke the hug and sat back to look at him in confusion.

"Why would you wanna see a shrink?" he asked.

"Maybe I need to talk about some things too. Some things I've been having a difficult time dealing with"

"Like what?" Ben let a small smile play on his lips, even if it was a little sad.

"Like how much you hurting, hurts me" he answered and Alex dropped his gaze. Ben was quick to fill in the silence then "I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty. God knows you don't need more of that. I'm saying it because it's true and I guess I just wasn't expecting how much I'd care about you when I first took you in"

"I care about you too" Alex replied in a soft voice, lifting his eyes again. Ben smiled and returned it.

"So, do we have a deal?" Ben asked.

"Would it be okay if I said I'll think about it?"

"Of course. Just don't sit on the idea for too long. You just have to give it a chance and see if it helps" Alex nodded. Ben looked at his watch, he should be going to work soon.

"Can I go back to my room now?" Alex asked while wiping the remnants of his tears from his face "I won't run away again" he added as an afterthought.

"It's not like you could anyway. I taped the window shut" Alex snorted.

"You did not!"

"Did too!" Ben replied, dead serious "Next time you wanna go out, just use the freaking door" Ben got up from the bed, announcing that he had to leave for work but that K-Unit would spend the day with him. When he was about to leave the room though, Alex halted him.

"Ben?" he asked reluctantly.

"Yes?" and then Alex made quick work of getting out of the bed and crossing the distance to wrap him again in a bone crushing hug.

"You're like a brother to me too" he confessed before letting him go.

Alex then walked to his room to emerge a few seconds later and head towards the bathroom. As soon as he heard the shower running, Ben made a bee line for Snake who was watching TV on the couch.

"You need to keep an eye on him" Ben said, his tone so serious that Snake turned off the screen to focus on him. Ben was confident he'd managed to breach an entrance into Alex's emotional and mental state, but he had to admit he was way out of his league here. Today he'd contact a psychologist to help him take the right steps concerning Alex.

"You think he's a suicide risk?" Snake asked in a whisper, worry etched all over his face. 

"I don't know how real the risk is, but I'm not taking any chances with him. You were right, I need to step in and help him. I just… I don't want him thinking that's his only option. Because it's not" he stressed. Snake nodded.

"I hear you man. I'll keep an eye on him while you're out. We'll figure something out. We won't let Cub down"

"Thanks man"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

The front door closed behind Ben by the time Alex got out of the shower and got dressed in his room. He wasn't feeling particularly good, but he had to admit talking to Ben had been a relief. Maybe he was right, maybe talking about it with someone wasn't such a bad thing. And if Ben himself was going to do it, why not give it a try too?

After drying his hair with the towel, he walked towards the window and eyed it curiously. Ben must have been joking. He tried to open it.

"Damn. He really shut it closed" he murmured and then smiled at the thought. He hadn't been lying when he'd said he was sorry for worrying the other man so much, but he had to admit it was nice to know he really cared that much.

His stomach growled at that moment and he walked outside where he could hear the rest of the unit waking up. Today was meant to be an interesting day. For the first time in a long time, he was curious to know how it would turn out.

**. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .** . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

There was a knock on his office door.

"Come in" Ben said, closing the file he’d been working on and stretching his back to alleviate the cranks. His bullet wound was healing nicely after a month but being hunched on a desk for the better part of a day wasn't exactly comfortable either.

"Agent Daniels. May I have a word with you?" he was surprised to see Jones coming into the office. Normally, if she wanted a word, he would've been summed to her own office. Somehow the change in protocol made the hairs at the back of his head stand on end.

"What can I do for you?" he asked, already dreading the moment she said there was a mission coming his way. He really didn't want to stay away from home right now, not given everything that was going on.

"We need to talk about Alex" she announced, taking a seat in front of him.

"What about him?" he asked, already in a defensive tone.

"This might take a while…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are so gonna hate me next chapter... or maybe you’ll be too busy hating MI6 😬


	30. Temporary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re nearing the end of this story, but fear not! The story only gets more interesting from here on. I’m really looking forward to editing and posting the second part of this series.  
> In the meantime: another chapter!

Ben was angry.

No. actually, he was fuming. He couldn't even find the words to describe how honest to God furious he felt. He could literally murder someone right now. Specially if that someone was Tulip Jones.

Damn that woman! And all of MI6. Damn them all to hell! He still couldn't believe the first words that had come out of that woman's mouth when she'd entered his office to talk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_"Considering the situations Alex has found himself in during the last month, we were forced to review his case"_

_"What do you mean review his case?" Ben asked, not liking where the conversation was going._

_"We feel it isn't in Alex's best interest to continue living under your care" the woman said bluntly._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The words had been like a blow to his stomach combined with the force of an electrical shock. In fact, Ben almost would have preferred to endure such an assault instead of trying to process the new way MI6 had come up with to ruin Alex's life.

Of course, MI6 knew about Alex's kidnapping in Kiev. Ben had called asking for help when he'd been bleeding on the ground just moments after the teenager had been taken. Ben specifically wouldn't forget the fact that they hadn't done anything to help them.

It wasn't even a surprise that Mrs. Jones had all the information about Alex's injuries, including the report that detailed the way that bastard of Serhiy had abused him. Ben had taken him to the hospital where every MI6 agent was covered to receive treatment and medical care.

But how had she managed to find out Alex had run away from home that night? She even showed him the evidence of the fight the blond had had against some older kids in an alley. Broken bones and unconscious young men to explain away the torn knuckles in Alex's hands. Ben hadn't even asked about them even though he'd seen the damage. He would've been forced to reprimand Alex's actions somehow and given the subject of their conversation that morning, Ben hadn't wanted to pile up on the list of things weighting down on the teenager. Thoughts of self harm being way more important than a fight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_"We can't risk having him going off the radar again and potentially endanger someone else" Mrs. Jones kept saying._

_"Endangering someone else? He's not some dangerous animal!" he answered back, outraged._

_"It just seems to us that you've outspent the amount of help you could provide" she kept saying, ignoring Ben's words._

_"And you think shipping him off to someone else will miraculously fix everything? Do you have any idea how much effort I've put into that kid trusting me the way he does? I can guarantee you, the minute you place him with someone else, he'll definitely bolt"_

_"Which is why we're not placing_ _him_ _with just anyone else" the woman replied, her face as impassive as always. Ben looked her_ _in the_ _eyes for a full minute before understanding the meaning behind those words._

_"You can't be serious!" if his voice rose to a yell, no one could blame him "You're not getting him back here!"_

_"I think it's safe to assume that a normal life would never be on the table for Alex. Not with all the trauma he's faced, specially in recent days" the woman explained calmly, seemingly unaffected by Ben's outburst._

_"And whose fault is that!?" he accused._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In reality, what happened in Kiev had had nothing to do with MI6 and Alex's previous life as a spy. And although the experience had been traumatizing enough, it wasn't the only cause of Alex's hard time recuperating. The young boy had confessed as much when he'd told Ben this wasn't the first time he'd thought about dying. Mission after mission Alex had lost so much, ending it all with the tragedy of Cairo. Latest experience aside, if Alex's life wasn't and couldn't be normal ever again, it was because of this agency's selfish need to use him as they saw fit to carry on saving-world-tasks that had no business being carried by a teenager, no matter how trained or special.

Ben had argued that MI6 couldn't possibly still have any control over Alex's life. No kind of legal leverage to do with him as they pleased. He’d been assigned as his guardian for a reason, but Jones' explanation was enough to deflate him of all hope of winning this argument against her. She’d shown him the paperwork and that's when he knew both he and Alex had been screwed from the beginning.

 _Temporary guardianship_ , the paper read and Ben could swear his stomach had dropped to the floor.

Jones had explained that Ben's guardianship had been probationary at best but that the Bank still held the last word in what should be considered as the ward's best interest. _Alex's best interest my ass!_ Ben thought. MI6 had just made sure they wouldn't let go of the leash completely and how Ben hadn't noticed anything on the paperwork from the beginning was lost on him. In fact, he wouldn't even put it past them to have modified the document later on to fit their needs. They were spies after all, a Government Intelligence Agency used to getting their way on everything. Well, Ben would be damned if he let it happen.

He wasn't exactly sure how he'd do it. Hell! He would even flee the country with Alex if it meant keeping him away from MI6. He’d promised the kid he'd never had to go back to that life ever again, and he would do anything to keep that promise.

How he'd do it though, he wasn't sure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_"How much time do I have?" Ben asked, defeat showing on his face._

_"For what, exactly_ _ , _ _Agent Daniels?" Mrs. Jones replied, using Ben's status as an agent as if to emphasize the fact he worked for them_ _ too  _ _and was under their clutches as well._

_"To say goodbye" he_ _answered, voice subdued as if in surrender "He's not emotionally stable right now and I'll need some time to break the news. He shouldn't hear it from anyone but me" for a moment, Mrs. Jones studied him, as if assessing the sincerity behind his request. Finally, apparently satisfied with what she saw, she replied._

_"You have until the end of the month"_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That would be right around the time Alex was supposed to go back to school. Would they even let him get back to it? Or would they just forego any pretense of trying to give him a normal life and just use him as an agent full time?

One month. That's all he had to come up with a plan to keep Alex away from their grasp. The time seemed like merely a few days, but then he thought: _what if they send me on a mission?_ It would have him occupied enough as to not do anything for Alex's situation and, even if he wasn't planning on doing anything, it would cut down short the amount of time he'd have left to spend with Alex before parting ways. It would be cruel and it would be something MI6 would definitely do.

At this point, quitting his job wasn't even a difficult decision to make. He'd already made it the moment Mrs. Jones had refused to help them when they'd needed it the most in Kiev. He just hadn't had enough time to process it, given everything that was going on. Now he knew he couldn't quit until he found a way out of their predicament. As much as he despised it, it was better to remain employed and with some connections than to be facing this problem as an unemployed civilian.

Now the matter went back to avoiding being sent on a mission. He already had an idea in mind. Not the best of them and certainly not a pretty one, but it would be effective and quick. He'd need to talk to Snake about it.

For now, he had another more pressing call to make. He was completely at a loss about where to go from now, so he called the only person who could offer a helpful advice at a time when Ben thought his world might literally fall apart.

He called his dad.


	31. The only way

They were having dinner. Alex, Ben and the rest of the unit. It was a few days later after Ben's discussion with Mrs. Jones and, as it had become almost a norm during their leave, K-Unit always spent a little time of the day with Alex while Ben was at work and then they all had dinner together before everyone went their own way.

Alex seemed to be doing better too, what with the constant support of their friends. He just hoped what he had to do jext wouldn’t be much of a setback for the teen.

When Ben's phone rang, Alex's sharp eyes found his before he excused himself from the table saying it was an important call.

Ben had arrived home the night before sporting a dislocated shoulder. His excuse to the teen, who had seemed concerned about the new injury, was an accidental stumble down some stairs. Ben could almost still hear Snake's protests at the plan he’d come up with to avoid being sent away on a mission any time soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_"Come on, man. Dislocating your own shoulder?" his friend asked._

_"It's the quickest way to do this" he replied, getting ready for the pain of what he'd asked Snake to do._

_"There has to be another way. Claim you're sick or something. Throw up in front of the bitch's office for all I care!"_

_"Snake, come on_ _.  _ _Nothing else will be as effective. Just do it already!" Ben was taking huge breaths to prepare himself for the moment Snake pulled the shoulder out of place. The other man just sighed and took a hold of his arm._

_"As you wish"_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The pain had been great, yes. As well as the drive to the hospital to get his shoulder reset a half hour later. He'd needed the doctor's report and strict orders to rest for MI6 to grant him a few weeks off to recuperate. He couldn't even care that apparently Mrs. Jones knew that he'd injured himself on purpose, or at least assumed it, to get the free time. As long as the paperwork was there, he was covered.

Now, having stepped outside the kitchen and into the living room, he was listening to what the person on the other side of the line was saying.

"It’s doable" the voice said.

"Are you sure?" Ben asked, concern all over his voice. He didn't want to get his hopes up for nothing "Did you look at every angle?"

"Yes, I did. We just need to act quickly"

"We can be there tomorrow" Ben assured, his heart hammering in his chest. They were doing this.

"I'll get the paperwork done" the other voice announced before disconnecting the call. Ben looked at the screen on his phone and let out the breath he'd been holding.

"Shit, we're doing this" he told himself, letting out a nervous laugh before walking back to the kitchen.

The others had continued eating without him, not that he'd been gone too long, only a few minutes, and even though Ben had heard their relaxed voices all the way to the living room, the chatter died down when he entered again.

"Everything alright?" Wolf asked. Ben wasn’t sure he was making a good job of hiding his startled expression.

"Yeah. Everything's fine" he said, sitting back at the table "Al, you should pack a bag after dinner. We're leaving tomorrow morning" the teenager stared at him incredulously.

"Leaving? Why? Where?” Ben chanced a glance at Snake, the only one of them that knew about his plan and received an encouraging smile. The other man must have already guessed the plan was at work.

"On a little road trip, that's all" Eagle was the next one to talk.

"Come on, Fox! Don't start getting all secretive on us again!"

"If I told you lot, it wouldn't be much of a surprise, would it?" Ben replied, sending a smirk in his direction.

"So, where are you going? You can say that at least" Wolf intervened, still eating his food like he wasn't even interested in the matter. To his credit, Ben looked like he considered it.

"Nope. Like I said, it's a surprise" when the men seemed like they were going to continue arguing, Alex dropped his fork on the plate.

"Do I even get a say in the matter?" Ben tried not to be phased by the harsh tone of his voice.

"Not really. We leave at first light" he replied, trying to make his tone sound light. Alex narrowed his eyes.

"Why?" he asked.

"Like I said, it's a surprise"

"Is something wrong? Did something happen?"

"Nothing happened, Alex. It's just a trip"

"Then why is it so sudden?"

"I'll admit it was a last-minute idea"

"Was that call from work?"

"What's with the twenty questions, bud? It's just a trip" Ben tried to avoid the subject of his work for the time being.

"I was kind of hoping I wouldn't have to travel anywhere ever again" Alex answered with finality and Ben's somewhat jokingly approach was halted by that. He remembered a similar conversation they'd both had before the latest predicament happened, where Alex hadn't exactly been all that excited about going on a vacation trip. Ben remembered how Alex must truly associate traveling with painful memories and their last one hadn't exactly played in their favor.

"Like I said, it's a road trip. We won't even leave the country" he said, going back to his normally stoic self. Alex took his time before answering. Everyone else remain quiet as they were, watching the exchange like a tennis match.

"Does it have anything to do with work?" again with the work thing, Ben thought, which only served to show exactly how deep it ran the ingrained fear that MI6 would come knocking on his door again. A fear, Ben admitted, was completely justified if his whole plan for the upcoming days was anything to go by. He decided to tell a half truth.

"It's not about work, it's about me. There's somewhere I need to be and you won't be staying here alone"

"Oi! What am I, a fly on the wall?" Eagle asked with indignation. For a moment, silence reigned over the table but, as always, Eagle's personality was enough to break the tense atmosphere when one by one, every one of them succumbed to laughter, even Alex.

"That's completely debatable, you know that?" Wolf said.

"Sure, don't appreciate me. Let's see who's gonna cover your asses when we're out on assignment!" Ben laughed and then looked at Alex again while the other soldiers kept ranting at each other.

"We good?" he asked. Alex gave him a half smile.

"Yeah"

The teenager excused himself from the table some time later to prepare the bag he'd take the next day. When a few minutes had passed and they were sure Alex had indeed retreated into his room, the ones left at the table sat closer together and started whispering.

"So what's this trip really about?" asked Wolf.

"I'm going to visit the family. It's been a long time since I've seen them"

"Oookay… what's with all the secrecy then?" this time, Eagle.

"There's something I need to do and I can't have Alex knowing about it yet"

"And you're sure this is the best way to go about it? If there's something we've all come to learn about Cub is that he doesn't like surprises" Ben regarded his friends intently before answering.

"It's the only way"


	32. Plan B

"Are you gonna tell me where we're going?" asked Alex when he just couldn't keep taking the silence. The radio was on, but it wasn't enough to distract him.

Ben had been quiet all morning, ever since waking up and having breakfast an hour before going on the road to wherever they were headed. The older man had used excuses like being tired or his shoulder hurting, but Alex could see through his facade. Ben was worried about something and it had something to do with the impromptu trip they were making.

Eagle hadn't wanted to share any information either, claiming he didn't know what was going through Ben's head at the moment. Alex wasn't so sure he believed him either. Something was going on and he was determined to find out what.

Thinking about the guest currently living in their house, Alex decided to use Eagle's technique to get information out of people: annoyance. If everyone thought the hyperactive man was a force to be reckoned with, they hadn't seen anything yet.

"At least tell me a general location" he insisted while Ben kept staring at the road ahead of them. "Alright, tell me how long we have to drive there" he added.

"We?" Ben snorted "I don't see _you_ driving" an answer. Good. It was evasive, but it was something.

"Only because you won’t let me. I've driven a car before, you know?"

"Driving a four-wheel vehicle while people shoot at you as you try to scape a heavily reinforced compound does not count" Ben stated. The blond actually laughed.

"But I escaped, didn't I?" Ben’s only answer was a humming sound.

So, back to silence.

"You didn't answer my question. How long 'till we get there?" this time Ben groaned in annoyance.

"Just be patient, Alex" the blond frowned.

"I don't want to be patient, I wanna know where we're going" he kept on asking, intent on fulfilling his plan to extract information.

"You can be such a little kid sometimes” irritation. Now they were getting somewhere.

"But I'm not, so you can tell me what's going on" Ben opened his mouth as if to answer but immediately closed it. Alex didn't miss themoment "Is it something bad?"

"No, it's—" Ben glanced reluctantly at him but remained silent.

"Well, it isn't something good if it's got you so…" Alex trailed off, searching for the right word "…nervous"

"Nervous? I'm not nervous" Ben countered.

"Yes, you are, and I wanna know why"

"If I seem nervous is because you're making me nervous with all these questions! Since when do you talk so much anyway?" Alex rolled his eyes.

"Since I want to know where we're headed and why" his tone was a little more serious this time. Turns out his plan of annoying Ben was starting to piss _him_ off as well.

"If I tell you where, will you stop with the questions?"

"Yes!" Alex was quick to respond. Ben ran a hand through his hair.

"Fine, we're going to Newcastle" he answered before turning up the volume of the radio to indicate the end of the conversation.

They’d been on the road for about two hours now. Newcastle was at least a five-hour drive from London, at least the Newcastle he thought Ben was referring to. That still left him over three hours of wondering why on earth had Ben decided that a trip to Newcastle was in order. Alex was sure he didn't know anyone there, but Ben could. He could even have friends over that side of the country, though he'd never heard the older man mention the town before. Not for the first time, Alex wondered if it had anything to do with his job and, if so, why wasn't the older man telling him so? It's not like they kept things as missions a secret between them.

His promise to not ask anymore questions lasted all but 10 minutes.

"Why?" he asked and Ben actually closed his eyes for a second. He adjusted his hand on the wheel and leaned his head on the headrest, eyes focused on the road.

"Why is it so hard for you to wait? You'll find out when we get there"

"Because I don't like surprises and I keep thinking there's something bad going on" Alex's tone had acquired a pleading tone and when Ben chanced a glance at him, Alex didn’t hide his concern.

The older man must have come to a decision then because he sighed and took the next exit off the highway.

"Mrs. Jones came to see me yesterday" he said and now Alex was the one reluctant to say anything back. At the mention of the name, his heartrate picked up.

"What-what did she want?" Alex asked, clearing his throat.

"She knew everything about Kiev. All of it" he added, driving his point across with a knowing look, one that made Alex pale a little bit. The younger man supposed that Jones finding out about the abuse wasn't entirely out of the realm of possibility. His medical records were at their hospital, after all. He nodded, encouraging Ben to continue "She also knew you ran away the other night and made sure to show me the evidence of your encounter with those older kids" now Alex visibly swallowed and looked down for a moment before getting back his ability to talk.

"Ben, I swear they started it. I mean, I know it ended badly and that I might have overdone it but it's not like I went looking for them" he tried to excuse himself.

"Bud, listen. I don't really care about them. None of them was injured too badly and I'm sure you didn't start the fight. They aren't exactly angels either"

"Then what did she want? What was her point?" Ben glanced at him but remained quiet while he navigated the streets looking for a place to park. After he did, the silence still remained and it was more than Alex could take when he was already feeling the oppressive enclosed space closing in on him "Bloody hell Ben just tell me already what's going on!" he exclaimed with a raised voice.

"They want to take you back, okay!" Ben snapped, emotions running high inside the now parked car. They were next to a sidewalk that was thankfully empty.

The news hit Alex hard, rendering him temporarily speechless. MI6 wanted him back? Why? How?

"What do you mean they want me back?" he asked in a low whisper "They can't do that, I'm your ward"

"They believe I'm not adequate enough to look after you anymore" he stated.

"Bullshit!" Alex let out, some heat returning to his voice. Ben smiled, but it was a sad one.

"That's what I said"

"But the paperwork. You're my legal guardian, they can't take that away whenever they feel like it!"

"Apparently they can" Alex tried to slow down his breathing before answering back. It wasn't working as he would've liked though.

"So what are we doing? Are we running away from them? Are they gonna come looking for me now?" his eyes started to dart around him, as if expecting a tactical team to come knocking on his door and taking him back to the life he so desperately tried to forget every day.

"No. Not yet, anyway" Ben said cryptically and Alex almost whiplashed turning back to look at him.

"What… what are you… not yet? I… I don't—" Alex gasped, realizing his lungs were deprived of oxygen and he rested the palm of his hands against his forehead. He couldn't make his mind work fast enough to understand the situation and Ben's words while dealing with the panic taking a firm hold of him at the moment.

They were gonna take him away from Ben. They were gonna take him back.

"Alex?" Ben asked hesitantly, putting a hand on his shoulder "Hey, I need you to slow down your breathing"

He couldn't. He couldn’t _breathe_. His brain had short circuited and it wasn't sending the right commands to his lungs so they could expand and fill with air. Not that his lungs would've been of much help since his throat was just closed off, not letting almost any air get in. He was audibly gasping and he could feel Ben shaking his shoulder. He was getting desperate.

"I can't… can't breathe" he managed to choke out.

"No, no. Alex, calm down. Yes, you _can_ breathe, you just have to slow down" the older man tried to coach the younger one to slow his motions and try to relax his muscles. The tighter they got, the harder it would be to draw in a proper breath. After a few more minutes, Alex managed to calm down enough to take in a few lungsful of breaths and Ben squeezed his shoulder in an encouraging way.

"That's it. There you go. Nice and slow. Deeps breaths. Are you okay?" he asked to which Alex only nodded. When the situation was somewhat under control and Alex felt like he could keep his brain focused on the topic enough to get the conversation going again, he was the first to break the silence.

"Are we running away or not?" Ben let out an exhausted sigh.

"The thought has crossed my mind and have no doubt that I will drop everything and run away from them with you if it meant keeping you out of their grasp" he said intently, "But, for now, let's call that plan B" Alex nodded as if assimilating the thought.

"And what's plan A?"

"Do you trust me?" Alex didn't even hesitate. He nodded. "For now we're gonna keep making our way to Newcastle where I know someone who can help"

"Help how?"

"You're just gonna have to wait and see" Ben said, pleading Alex with his eyes to not ask any further questions and just trust him enough to keep going with only their destination in mind.

Ben was about to start the car again to resume his driving when something made him stop and look back at Alex, who’d gone completely quiet and was now staring straight ahead with a troubled look in his eyes.

"Just promise me you'll give me a chance to solve this. Don't go running away on your own" Alex turned to look at him with a bit of disbelief.

"I promised you I wouldn't run away from you again" he said sternly and Ben was put at ease.

"Good" the older man said, starting the car and making his way back up to the highway "Because if there's gonna be any running, we'll do it together brother"

Alex didn’t have time to conceal the wide honest smile spreading over his face and the slightly red tint of his eyes. He’d always wondered what it would be like to be called brother by someone else. Now he knew and the feeling was strong enough to hold his panic at bay for the remaining of the trip until they arrived someplace they could actually do something to remedy their situation. Alex trusted Ben, and if the older man said he had a way to keep Alex away from MI6, then he'd just have to believe him. He had no other choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left people!


	33. Should’ve known better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is: the final chapter! And it is a monster of a chapter too! Almost 7k worth of emotions, angst but also love and resolution. I really hope you like it.  
> Enjoy!

They arrived at their destination near lunch time.

Once they started making their way through the city, Alex didn't have to wait long to know exactly where they were headed. It was a street lined with two story houses that all looked alike, small but with high ceilings. There wasn't anything outstanding or extravagant about them. It just appeared to be your regular friendly neighborhood.

Once the car was parked, a very silent Alex and a strangely nervous but happy Ben started to make their way to one of the houses. Seeing as how Ben was reaching out to open the door and stride right into it, Alex caught a hold of his arm.

"Aren't you going to knock?" he asked.

"They're expecting me" the other man replied.

" _Just_ you?" Ben sighed and tugged his arm free to put a comforting hand on the teen's shoulder.

"They're expecting both of us" he said and Alex nodded. Whatever or, more accurately, whoever awaited beyond that door might be the difference between running from MI6 or not. Alex couldn't help thinking that his life was about to take a 180º turn, again, and he wasn't so sure he was ready for it. He was barely managing to hold on after the latest tragic event in his life, and that was with the help of so many people: Eagle, Wolf, Snake. Ben. Specially Ben. But as much as the other man had become an emotional rock for him after taking him in as his ward, Alex wasn't sure that even with his help, just his help, they'd manage to survive the new predicament they were facing, MI6.

They entered the house.

Looking at the house from outside and judging by its size, one wouldn't believe how many things were stored in the place. The living room was packed with vintage furniture, antique chairs adorning a wooden round table that sat close to a window that not only allowed the natural light to get in, but also provided a great and unrestricted view of a beautifully kept back yard.

Alex noticed Ben taking a lungful of breath and sighing with a contented smile. The blond had to admit the smells coming from what could only be the kitchen were starting to make his mouth water. He was about to ask Ben whose house this was when the older man beat him to it and called out loud.

"Hello?" there was a startled yelp from upstairs and Ben chuckled. Then a woman's voice echoed through the house, potent and excited.

"Fredrick! The kid's here!" the mysterious voice announced and Alex let out an indignant sound of protest.

"Don't worry" Ben said smiling "She meant me"

Right then the sound of running footsteps was heard coming from the upper floor and a little girl, no more than 10 years old flew across the livingroom to throw herself at Ben.

"Hey Anna! I didn't know you'd be here. Look how much you've grown!"

"Evelyn said you'd come today" the girl replied while Ben gently let her back down on the floor. The mysterious voice from before finally made its way down the stairs and a small round woman appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

"I couldn't resist inviting Anna over to greet you. It's been such a long time since you've been here"

"I know" Ben said a bit solemnly before enveloping the small woman in a hug "It's good to be back" he whispered, and the woman kissed his cheek before letting out another yell and making Ben flinch away from the loud voice.

"Fredrick, come on! You must be Alex, right?" the woman suddenly asked and the teenager was startled to hear her talking to him.

Watching the whole scene play out in front of him, Alex had felt like an intruder. It was obvious these people knew Ben well and somehow he felt like the odd man out. He swallowed and answered back.

"Yes, I am"

"Well, it's good to finally meet you" she said before taking a step towards him and giving him a brief but fierce hug, kissing both his cheeks. Alex's cheeks turned slightly red.

"Ah...you too" he said awkwardly and the woman turned to Ben to smack his shoulder.

"Where are your manners, boy? Aren't you going to introduce your mother to this handsome young man?" the teen's cheeks might have turned another shade of red if it weren't for the pallor now settling over them. His mother? Of course, Ben's family. How did he not think of that? Ben cleared his throat.

"Yeah, sorry. Alex, this is my mother, Evelyn. Mom, this is Alex" Alex smiled shyly at the introduction and then ducked his head. Of all the possible scenarios running through his mind about who they were going to meet, never in a million years did it cross his mind that they'd go to Ben's family. Actually, now that he thought about it, he didn't really know anything about the other man's family and he'd never asked. How could they have been living together for two years and the topic was never brought up? Why hadn't he asked?

 _How can I be so self-centered?_ He asked himself.

The little girl stepped closer to him then, bringing him out of his head.

"Sooo, who exactly are you?" she asked with the bluntness only children could get away with.

"I'm Alex" he repeated unnecessarily, not sure how to respond that question to a ten-year-old, or anyone else for that matter. Who was he? Probably sensing his inner debate, Ben was quick to assist him.

"Yeah, Alex, this is Anna. She's the neighbors' daughter. I used to babysit her when she was a toddler and later whenever I came home for leave" Alex nodded, understanding now where the girl fit into the picture. The little girl, Anna, turned to Ben.

"Do you babysit him too?" she asked innocently and Ben let out a laugh.

"Sort of. Yeah"

"Hey! I don't need a baby sitter!" the blond intervened, his face once more turning red.

"That's debatable" Ben said back, winking to the little girl but then smiling apologetically at him.

"That's not true" Alex kept arguing, but soon trailed off when someone else entered the livingroom from the kitchen.

"Finally!" Ben's mother exclaimed and directed her next words at Alex "This is Fredrick, my husband" she announced. Ben's dad. Having somewhat passed the initial state of shock that meeting Ben's family had created, Alex extended his hand.

"Good to meet you, sir" and then he froze. It was such a normal greeting that he hadn't even thought about it. It was the polite way to address someone older than you when there's no familiarity between the parties. But the word brought back so many unwanted memories that his hand started to shake in the older man's grasp.

"Come on now, lad. There's no need to be nervous"

Alex withdrew his hand quickly and took a step back, standing next to Ben again and glancing quickly at him before settling his gaze on the floor. Everyone could feel the change in atmosphere inside the place, but Ben, having known Alex the most, picked up on his fractionally faster breathing and rigid posture. He clapped his hands together and changed the subject.

"So, it smells wonderful and we sure are starving"

"We weren't expecting you until at least a bit later. Lunch's not ready yet" Evelyn said.

"We left London pretty early today. Actually, it's fine, we could use the time to freshen up, rest for a few minutes? That alright, Al?" he received no answer.

"You can get Alex settled in your old room. We'll call you when it's ready"

With a thankful nod, Ben put a hand on Alex's shoulder and guided him upstairs. Anna helped Ben carry their bags to the last room on the left but then went back down to help set up the table.

The room was small, with a single bed flanked by two nightstands and a built in closet on the opposite wall. A small window oversaw part of the back yard and the walls were painted a light shade of beige. Alex glanced out the window once before sitting at the foot of the bed, chewing the inside of his cheeks. Ben placed their bags on the bed. They’d packed light, just enough for a couple of days, so it wasn't like they had to find space for a lot of clothes.

"I didn't mean to be so rude" Alex said, breaking the silence. He’d been thinking about what to say on the way up the stairs and thankfully his voice was a lot more composed.

"It's okay. They understand" Ben said, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the wall. For a moment, Alex felt a surge of panic at hearing Ben's reassurance, but instantly calmed down when he remembered Ben wouldn't tell anything about what had happened to him without his consent. With that thought, though, came another one.

"What _do_ they know about me?" he asked "How did you explain _me_?"

"I told them as much as I could over the phone, but almost everything was a half-truth" he answered, lowering his tone of voice, lest he be overheard "They know I'm your legal guardian but they think I served with your father on the military before your parents died and left you in my charge" Alex nodded. That was okay. It was a version of the events that allowed them to explain their situation and that bended the truth a little but wasn't an outright lie "They don't know anything about MI6 though. Not even that I work there. They can't" Ben added in a whisper and Alex didn't need to be told twice. He didn't want anyone else to know about his involvement with them either. They remained in silence for a while, Alex studying the view of the window and Ben studying him "Are you alright?" Alex turned his head at the question but didn't bother answering. He thought it was kind of obvious that he wasn't.

"How come you've never mentioned your family before?" he asked instead "We've known each other for a while now"

"It wasn't anything personal if that's what you’re thinking" the other man chastised without any real heat in his words and then he sighed "I don't know Al, I guess it never came up. We were dealing with enough stuff as it was"

Alex's eyes dropped down while he nodded in understanding.

"I mean, I’d never taken care of someone on such a permanent basis. The only kid I ever looked after was literally Anna and it definitely doesn't compare. Telling you about my family would've meant introducing you to them earlier and I didn't know if I was ready to let them see me as a guardian or parent type. I wasn't sure I was doing it right and I didn't want to... I don't know, disappoint them or anything. It had nothing to do with you"

"So why now?" the blond asked.

"I needed their advice with our situation. They think the Government wants to release you from my care to put you into the foster care system. The truth is a lot more complicated than that but I guess we could use the help"

"Did it work? Will they help?"

Ben smiled softly.

"We just got here Cub, we haven't exactly had time to talk" he said and Alex gave up the faintest of smiles at hearing his nickname "I was thinking we could leave the heavy conversations for tomorrow and today we could just rest and you could use the time to get to know my parents a bit. I want them to get to know you too. What do you think?" this time, Alex's smile was relieved. He really didn't feel like making live changing decisions that day.

"Sure"

Right then Evelyn's voice reached them from all the way downstairs.

"Lunch's ready!"

"Now don't let her fool you. She may seem all kind and sweet, but she can be the mother of all sergeants" Ben chuckled and they both laughed, making their way downstairs.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

That night, Alex dreamt again.

Ben was sleeping on the couch downstairs while the younger man occupied his old room, so it took a while for the sounds of distress to reach his ears. Ben's parents, who slept on the same floor as Alex, were up and worried by the time he made his way sleepily to the upper floor. They’d been warned previously not to enter Alex's room or wake him if this happened. Ben was sure the teenager wouldn't appreciate being woken from a nightmare by essentially a pair of strangers.

"No!" a strangled yell came from the bedroom, and Ben didn't waste any more time going up.

"Son..." his mother halted him, asking with her eyes if he needed any assistance. Ben stepped closer to her and kissed her forehead.

"Don't worry. I got this" and he disappeared inside the room, closing the door behind him.

Alex was trashing on the bed, his face scrunched up in pain or disgust and his breathing was rapid and irregular. His forehead was coated in sweat and a few whimpers could be heard now and then. Ben made his way quickly to the bed and knelt by its side, calling Alex's name softly. The boy only flinched away from him with a distressed sound.

"Wake up Alex" Ben tried again, a little bit louder, but it wasn't until his third try that Alex startled awake with a surprised gasp and he immediately turned to his side, holding his stomach with both arms wrapped around himself, and moaned as if he was in immense pain. He continued gasping while Ben put a hand on his shoulder and tried to reassure him "It's okay. You're okay"

It took a few minutes for Alex to finally recognize his surroundings and he let out a lonely sob when he noticed Ben. He scooted over to the edge of the bed, making enough room for Ben to sit on it as well and maintain his comforting presence by rubbing his hand in circles over Alex's back. It was a routine they'd developed well over the past years whenever Alex found himself trapped in a nightmare. It usually helped Alex fall right back asleep, though sometimes it took more than just a few encouraging words. This was one of those times.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want them to know" the blond said after a while.

"I told you already, they understand. Don't worry about them" but Alex couldn’t let it go.

"I’m never gonna be able to get a hold of this, am I?" he said with heat in his words while he angrily wiped at his eyes.

"It takes time Al. You need to give yourself time"

"Time doesn't seem to be working though" the teenager spat before sighing and seemingly letting go of his anger. Instead, the tone of his voice was replaced with resignation "There's something I haven't told you"

"What do you mean?" Ben asked, concern creeping unattended into his voice.

"About Kiev. I- I haven't told you why..." he trailed off, looking up from the pillow at Ben with round and vulnerable eyes.

"You know why he took you?" Ben asked surprised and Alex nodded slowly. From day one, when Alex had been kidnapped and he'd been left shot in the street to die, he'd had that question playing around in a loop inside his head.

_Why? Why?_

Why had Alex been targeted when there had been no connection between him and the Ukrainian who'd kidnapped him? Why had he been tortured so heavily? Why had he been abused? Ben swallowed, suddenly overwhelmed by the possibility of finally understanding the reasons behind the pain. Would it make it better or worse to know the truth? He was about to find out. He signaled Alex to go on with his explanation and the blond did almost in automatic, not pausing even once, probably wanting to get the information out of his chest just once so he wouldn't have to repeat it again.

It was worse than Ben could've thought.

"He liked my _voice_ " Alex began and then there was no stopping him "When we walked into that hotel and I bumped into someone, it was him and he thought my voice had so much potential when I apologized that he couldn't resist taking me" he explained with disgust evident in his voice "He said I had potential for being submissive Ben" he continued, now with an almost pleading tone, as if begging Ben to make sense of what he was saying "He wanted to turn me into his slave, you know? And he kept ordering me to call him 'sir' and every time I didn't do it, that's when he hurt me. The water, the electrocution, the knife..." now he was whispering "Then I just couldn't take it anymore and I caved. I called him what he wantet and that's when he first... when he first touched me" he let out with a hitch in his voice "He said the pain would stop if I did. That I'd be rewarded and he was right! The pain stopped and I was the one who chose it to stop. If I hadn't said anything, he wouldn't have done that to me. Just the pain would've been better. I should've known better"

Ben was speechless. Alex hadn't shared his experiences with that much detail before and hearing everything that had happened was making his heart bleed for the blond teen currently laying his heart open for him to hear.

"Alex—" he began, wanting to stress out how much nothing of what that man had done had been Alex's fault, but he was interrupted.

"And then he asked again" Alex seemed lost in his telling of the story. “He wanted me to choose between being tortured or being with him and I chose him. I meant to fight him off but I couldn't" now there were definitely tears in his voice, and it wouldn't take much more for them to be in his eyes too.

"Alex you were injured. You didn't choose anything"

"It doesn't matter. I should've chosen the pain. I let him get near me, _I_ let him take me" and finally the dam broke. Tears started to fall unchecked down his cheeks and Ben was so caught up in Alex's own memories that for some time, all he did was let him cry. Alex wasn't trashing, or even sobbing too loudly, but the level of despair coming from the teen brought his own tears to Ben's eyes. He couldn't let Alex keep making himself feel guilty though, he needed to try to dissuade him.

"I promise you, Al, you didn't choose anything. You couldn't have known. You were forced, you weren't really given a choice" the teen shook his head.

"He wanted me to admit that he owned me" Alex confessed as well, again some anger making a reappearance when he brought his hands up to fist them in his hair and pull "I never said it but in the end he was right! He did own me! He owns me!" he curled even further intohimself, his sobs beginning to take a hysterical turn. Ben was torn between letting Alex just let go of all the anger and pain or trying to stop the situation from spiraling out of control. No matter what though, he couldn't let Alex believe anyone held any power over him. He might never feel safe again if he didn't.

"Nobody owns you Alex. He doesn't own you" he said with determination, squeezing Alex's shoulder and shaking him a little.

"Yes, he does! And it's never gonna stop! I know I'm not there anymore but it's never gonna end. I'll never forget what he did and now everything I do, I see _him_ watching me. When I shower, when I change, when I sleep. He's always there. He. Owns. Me" he finished, truly convinced of his words. But Ben wouldn't have it, he couldn't.

"He does as long as you let him" he stated, his voice wavering slightly due to his own emotions, and apparently it was the right thing to say, because Alex unhid his face to glance up at him through red rimmed eyes "There's no changing what he did. I wish with everything I've got that I could turn back time and kill the bastard before he ever dared lay a hand on you, but I can't and you can't either. I know it's too early. I don't expect you to come to terms with what he did so easily, but as long as you keep thinking he has any power over you, then he will" Alex kept staring at him, but his breathing was slowing down to a more manageable level.

"I'm sorry" the blond said, sniffling "I keep acting like a child. I'm not" he said, making every effort to control the waver in his voice and sound more composed. He unfisted his hands and wiped at his eyes.

"You have every right to be. I just don't want you to get trapped into that helpless feeling. You are your own person. Never doubt that" the teen nodded but stayed silent after that. He crept closer to Ben, who was still sitting at the edge of the bed and began breathing deeply.

"I'm tired" he finally said around a yawn.

"Go back to sleep. There's still a few hours before dawn" but Alex kept his eyes opened. Ben guessed he was afraid of having another nightmare.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep again. If you start dreaming about him, I'll wake you" he offered.

"I was dreaming about MI6..." the teen said softly, taking Ben by surprise since the British Intelligence Service hadn't been mentioned at all "... turning me over to him"

Ah, that explained it.

"He can't hurt you anymore and MI6 won't get you back. You believe me, right?" he didn't get a verbal response but eventually Alex closed his eyes and evened out his breathing.

It took about half an hour but with Ben's protective presence, he was able to go back to sleep. The older man brushed his messy hair a few times before carefully getting up from the bed and stepping out of the room. He made sure to keep the door slightly ajar in case he was needed back inside, but until then, he made his way downstairs where he was surprised, or maybe not really, to find his father in the kitchen waiting for him with a now lukewarm cup of tea.

When he sat down and felt his father's hand on his shoulder, offering his own support, he couldn't hold back the few tears that escaped his eyes but that he was quick to wipe away.

"You really care for him, don't you?" why was it always a surprise for people to see how much he cared about Alex? Though even he had to admit the circumstances that brought them together were equal parts surprising and amazing.

"We need to do this fast" he decided to answer instead. He wasn't naive. He knew that what he had in mind wouldn't magically make all of Alex's fears go away, but at least it would give him some peace of mind regarding their most dreaded deadline.

"Everything's set for tomorrow… well, later today. You just have to talk to him and convince him"

"I will. After breakfast, I will" Ben replied, making sure he himself believed it as well.

"Then get some rest, you'll need it" his father instructed before finishing his own tea and going back to his room.

Rest wasn't something he'd be able to afford now. His mind kept playing in a loop the things Alex had confessed to him and even though they’d been hard to hear, he was glad to have another insight of Alex's thoughts. That could mean the difference between truly helping him heal or not. He couldn't help but to be constantly in alert, watching out for any sign that Alex would have another breakdown, or disappear on him again or, God forbid, hurt himself somehow because he couldn't escape his feelings. If talking about it more openly helped him overcome his fears, then Ben would endure every painful conversation as long as it helped.

Eventually, he finished his mostly cold tea and went to sit on the couch, turning on the TV but keeping it in silence.

The first rays of sunshine gave the livingroom and almost eerie look after a few hours and not long after that, he heard his mother making her way into the kitchen. He got up to help her make breakfast and then set the table ready. It wouldn't be much longer until they'd have the conversation with Alex, and he knew his mother could see he was nervous, though nothing more than a simple "It’ll be fine" from her was said between them. It was all up to Alex now.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Alex woke up tired and beaten. The few hours he'd been able to sleep after his nightmare had been mercifully dream free, but they hadn't been well resting either.

While in the bathroom, he took special care of washing his face with cold water, willing the irritated eyes to pop down to their normal size and to make him seem like he was just sleepy and not like he’d just woken up from a mental breakdown. It seemed like every week he had one of those, and he was done with them. Maybe he would consider Ben's offer to go talk to someone about them, it surely couldn't hurt more than having to relive his captivity over and over again every other night.

When he made his way downstairs, the smell of toasts and eggs permeated the air and Alex found Ben and his mother already eating at the table.

"Good morning" he greeted politely. Evelyn's face lit up when she saw him.

"Good morning sweetie. We were waiting on you to start but Ben said to let you sleep in if you wanted" Ben let out an indignant mocking sound at being sold out by his mother.

"You should've come get me. I wouldn't have minded" Alex said sincerely "I could have helped too"

"Polite and helpful. You're gonna be good to have around. Maybe you'll teach my son some manners as well" the woman joked.

"Mother!" Ben yelped and rolled his eyes "Sit down Al. Help yourself to some toast"

Breakfast was uneventful. They made small talk while cleaning the table and putting everything away before sitting back down. For a moment, Alex thought Ben was showing signs of nervousness, and so his mother had been the one to lead the conversation on. Ben's dad was nowhere to be seen.

"What about school? How are you faring?" Evelyn asked and Alex found himself talking about everything going from teachers to sports to describing his best friend Tom.

Alex realized too late it the questions were a tactic to engage him in conversation before dropping the bombshell.

"Honey, I don't want to bring up bad memories for you, but Ben was explaining to me how when your parents died, there wasn't any otherfamily to take care of you" for a moment, Alex felt tempted to protest and say that he'd had Jack. That she wasn't family but had decided to stick with him anyway, but then remembered they were walking around a bent truth, and he thought it best to just go on with the story Ben had elaborated.

"Emm yes. That's right" he confirmed.

"How would you like to be a part of one?" the woman suddenly asked.

" _Mother!_ " Ben chastised "I thought you were going to be more subtle" he complained before settling his attention back on Alex.

"What are you talking about?" Alex asked with a nervous and incredulous laugh. Ben took charge of the conversation then.

"You know how the Government is pressing for me to give up your guardianship" he started explaining, sending a meaningful look his way so there was no doubt exactly who he was talking about "So I started thinking. If the problem is that the guardianship is supposed to be temporary, why not make it permanent? If someone adopted you, through all the legal channels, there's nothing the Government can do about it. You wouldn't be held under their care" Alex wasn't sure what to think right now.

"And you would want to adopt me?" he asked, a note of disbelief but maybe also hope in his voice.

"I would" Ben started and instantly Alex's rapidly accelerating thoughts came crashing down. He knew it was too much to ask "But I can't. With my age, me being single and soon to be unemployed, there's no way the adoption would be approved" Alex's brow furrowed.

"Wait a minute, unemployed? You have a job" Ben shook his head.

"Not after this week, I won't"

"But—“ Alex wanted to ask more questions but MI6 wasn't something they could freely talk about now.

"My contract's come to an end with the company I work for. But that's okay. I've been meaning to switch jobs for a while. I just wasn't in synch with their way of doing things" and Alex understood the meaning behind those words. Was Ben really willing to sacrifice his career as a spy for him? "Don't worry about it" the older man said, as if reading his mind "I'm sure I'll find something else soon. But this does work against me when building a case for adoption. I can't do it"

Alex couldn’t hide his disappointment, 

"But we can" intervened Evelyn then.

"Wha—?" but he was literally rendered speechless. If this was the plan Ben had been talking about in the car the previous day, it had completely taken him by surprise. Never had the word adoption crossed Alex's mind before, not even during those first few missions when MI6 had threatened to deport Jack back to the USA and sent him to an orphanage on his own. Who would want to adopt him, anyway? When he offered no response, Ben kept talking.

"I know this is sudden and we're sorry for putting you on the spot like this, but there isn't really much time to decide what we're going to do. If we don't do anything, they'll take you back next week"

"They won't let it" Alex finally said "They won't let it happen, they hold too much power" he didn't want to believe that what Ben was proposing could happen, mostly because he didn't want to be crushingly disappointed when it didn't. His luck hadn't played in his favor for a long time after all.

"We have ways around it. My dad's a lawyer, he works at an important firm and they've handled hundreds of adoption cases. He's well connected and has experience in the matter. He already said we can do this in less than a week" the teenager kept shaking his head.

"They'd find a way to overrule it. It won’t work"

"We'll fight it. We'll go public the moment we do it. Everyone at your school will find out, everyone we know will find out. You'll be tied to a family and there's no legal way for them to dissolve it" picking up on the teen's lack of response, Ben kept explaining how they'd handled things if he accepted "You would still be living with me, back in London or here, or maybe somewhere else. My parents would act as yours legally but nothing about the way we live should have to change much" Alex was pensive for a while before approaching the topic from a different angle.

"I'm too old to be adopted. I'm close to being off age"

"It doesn't matter. Being adopted into a family would also mean an advantage to your future. We're talking about things like economical stability, legal assurances and more" Ben continued to explain, trying to convince Alex that this was the best choice.

"You do realize this would be for life, right?" he asked with doubt in his voice.

"Of course. It's not like I was gonna throw you out when you turned 18 anyway. What did you expect was gonna happen?"

"I don't know" he answered sincerely "I hadn't really thought about it"

"Well, now you don't have to" the other man said with finality.

"I-I don't—“ Alex didn't know what to say. He had so many conflicting emotions wreaking havoc inside him that it was a miracle he appeared to be so composed on the outside. This was way too much information to sort through before making a decision, and he was supposed to decide now?

Ben's mother, Evelyn, maybe realizing the conflict in his head, decided to step back into the conversation.

"Don't you like the idea?" she asked "Wouldn't you like to be part of a family again that would support you no matter what?" the question wasn't asked with any kind of recrimination at his lack of jumping at the opportunity to be granted something like this, but out of true curiosity "You have to know we'd never intend to take your real family's place. We'd just like to give you a more solid ground to walk on as you keep growing up" she added, oblivious that his own dead family was the farthest thing from his mind at the moment. The real reason for his hesitation was announced with his next words.

"You don't want to adopt me" he said, directing his words to Ben's mother.

"Why would you say that?"

"You don't know what you'd be getting yourselves into" said Alex vehemently. And maybe Ben did know how to handle him and his baggage, but his parents definitely didn't. When he turned to look at Ben though, instead of surprise or disappointment, he found the other man smiling softly at him.

"It wouldn't be the first time buddy" he said with a meaningful look, and Alex took a moment to really consider the people sitting across from him on the table. He remembered, when he first walked into the house, having the impression that Ben didn't resemble all that much the round small woman sitting next to him right now, or the tall man who, for some reason, wasn't being part of this conversation. Their facial features were just that different. All in all, Ben didn't look like he was related to either part of the family.

"You're adopted?" they both smiled at his correct guessing.

"And he was an armful as well. He was twelve when he came to live with us" Ben's mother, adoptive mother that is, said with a fond smile which was in turn displayed on Ben's face as well. The other man looked radiant in the face of the topic they were discussing. Adopted or not, these people were his family and, suddenly, a feeling of longing settled deep within Alex, making his eyes water a bit.

"It's not the same" he whispered, almost inaudibly.

As much difficult as Ben could've been as a child, it probably didn't compare with the baggage Alex would bring to the table. He knew he didn't trust easily and he wasn't one to open up to people. Not to mention the dangerous past he brought with him. It wasn't right for him to even consider taking them up on their offer.

He then felt a gentle hand taking a hold of his, and he saw Ben's mother regarding him with a kind look in her eyes.

"We know you've had a difficult life" at hearing those words, Alex snapped his head towards Ben, asking again but without talking what exactly and how much he'd told his family about him. The other man just kept staring intently at him while his mother kept speaking, bringing Alex's attention back to herself "And we know we're on a dead line. My husband and I, we've already discussed this at length and we are not going to let a good kid fall victim of the system when there's something we can do about it" she finished and by the time she did Alex's eyes were flooded with unshed tears. He looked down at the table when he felt another squeeze of the hand holding his, because he couldn't stand seeing so much kindness directed at him. He wasn't used to that. He didn't deserve that.

"How can you know I'm good?" he whispered, a lonely tear escaping his rapidly depleting control and his jaw clenched hard, trying to suppress a whimper that was making his throat hurt with the effort of keeping it in. He almost couldn't believe how much he'd cried over the past month and yet, his emotions seemed to still be all over the place.

"Because I trust my son's judgement and he says you're one of a kind. A very good kind" the woman answered.

Both Ben and his mother stayed silent after that, giving Alex a few minutes to compose himself and think it all through.

Ever since Jack died, he hadn't felt loved and wanted like he'd felt when she was alive. Even Ian had had his own way of showing that he cared. When all of that had been ripped away to be replaced with pain and despair, he thought no one would ever care about him again. That he didn't deserve to be cared for. But so many people had proven him wrong these last couple of months and, of course, Ben during the whole year they'd been living together, that maybe, just maybe, he had been wrong all along. Maybe there was still some good left in him, something worth loving and damn if Ben wasn't doing everything within his power to show him exactly that: being willing to go on the run with him, introducing him to his family, wanting to adopt him into that family. Surely he wouldn't be doing all of this if he didn't think Alex deserved at least something better in life. Maybe it was time for Alex to believe it too.

He was reluctant about the plan working out, having to deal with MI6 and all. He was scared his past would somehow catch up with him and bring pain into these wonderful people's lives. He was terrified of his own dark thoughts, thoughts that had been assaulting him ever since Jack had been killed in Egypt. But he was also desperate. Desperate to believe that things could get better, that he was still young and he had all the time in the world to heal the wounds that still gave him nightmares. Above all, he was desperate to believe he could be happy again and that he could be part of a family, one that apparently wanted him to be a part of it too.

Eventually, Alex sniffled and hardened his resolve. He was done avoiding everyone elses' gaze. He looked up at Ben and his eyes sparkled, showing a little bit of that confident young man who could sometimes stare at death right in its face with a snarky comment as his only defense and cleared his throat.

"Are you sure?" he asked the man who would ultimately be the one taking care of him, who would, if he dared accept, become his real brother, at least legally. And with absolute resolve, Ben's voice was steady when he answered.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life" he said.

"Then yes" Alex finally stated, feeling as if the weight of the world had suddenly been lifted from his shoulders. Then he turned to Ben's mother "If you're sure, then please, please, I'd like to be a part of your family"

"Then there's nothing else to be said. You already are" she said back and squeezed his hand one last time before letting it go, watching his own son getting up from his seat and taking a step towards Alex.

The younger man also stood up and, without hesitation, walked into the open arms of his new brother to be held carefully but protectively against his chest. Alex was torn between crying or laughing in relief.

"Thank you" he said, but Ben shook his head.

"No. Thank _you_ " and Alex knew in that moment that as long as they were together, brothers in all the ways that mattered, nothing and no one could ever hurt him again. And if it did happen, he would never have to face it alone.

After everything that had happened to him during the past few months, this was the day Alex Rider truly began to heal.

* * *

**THE END!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That’s it, we’ve officially reached the end of Part 1 in the Knowing Better series.  
> I’d love to hear your thoughts about it wether this was your first time reading the story or not. Every comment makes this lonely corner of the world a little bit brighter 🤗
> 
> That being said, DON’T MISS THE NEXT PART OF THE SERIES!  
> It’s a story called “Does he know better?” and I’ll start editing and posting as soon as I can.
> 
> I want to thank you all for sticking with me so far and encourage you to come back for more on how Alex’s new life as a Daniels unfolds.
> 
> See you soon!


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